6 month update....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
6 month update....
1
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 4:27pm

Hey everyone!!  It has been 6 months today that xap & I went NC, or you might call it LC since we do see each other every now & then at church.  I am doing great and am amazed at much I now realize that time does heal.  I didn't really believe that in the beginning, but I am at SUCH a different place now than I was just a couple of months ago. :smileyhappy:  

If anyone remembers that I came on here a month or so ago talking about our church camping trip.  Well, we did go, but only stayed 1 day...not the full weekend.  And, truthfully, I am very glad I went.  It was an eye opening experience to be close to him and my heart didn't break...I didn't get that awful feeling in my stomach that I always got previously!!!!!  I was like "wow....this is new"...lol.  I felt FINE when I saw him and that even shocked me! :smileyhappy:  So, I think that all these months of NC really helped me gain perspective on everything.  So anyway...here is my run down of what I have learned:

 Do I still find him attractive?   Yes I do and I've decided that is okay.

 Did we talk?  Yes, we exchanged small talk a couple of times and it wasn't a big deal.  It didn't make me want to contact him privately in any way!!!!!  

Did I feel the connection was still there?  Yes, I did...I felt it and know that he did, too.  But the difference is that we are both choosing not to act on it.  At one point he gave me his gorgeous smile that normally would've made me melt, but I was able to just smile back and move on with my day.  I do have enough sense to know that since I could tell the attraction was still mutually there that we do NOT need to be in the position to be alone together or spend a lot of time together.  But seeing each other every now & then is doable.  

So, in an eggshell that is it.  I still like him as a person and have decided that is okay, too.  I can have my life and choose to do what is right while not hating him.  I know that some won't agree with me...some will say there should be no attraction at all, but I am what I am...I am happy with my life now...I saw & talked to him without once wanting to get him alone.  I have had no desire to fish all week.  So, I think I am okay with where I am now.....And I am still amazed how much the time apart gave me new perspective!!!!

Hope everyone is doing great!!!!

JWIA

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 9:29pm

Hey JWIA :smileyhappy:

Nice to hear from you with an update.

I'm glad you feel you've got a whole new perspective and have a handle on it.  I know you agonized over this camping trip, and it seems like it went okay.  I don't think still having an attraction is what concerns me...hey, if he's a good lookin' dude.

I'm more concerned with how much chatting took place...because you really need to avoid that, or at the very least, keep it to the absolute minimum...I mean we always want to be civil in a social situation.  Please, just be mindful of that...you are still just six months out, and it's such a slippery slope, ya know?

I guess as long as you don't need to see him but once a year at a camping trip with the occasionally siting at Church where you don't always have to stop and chat, you'll be okay.  In situations like this, we just have to find a way to get on with our lives even if they occasionally pop into it.

If you feel like you haven't slid backwards (and sometimes we can be on a little high after running to them and then suddenly feel out of sorts...even a few days later), then well apparently everything went pretty well.

((hugs))

Clarity