Physical Toll?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Physical Toll?
9
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 4:32pm

Hi, guys.

It's coming up on one month since I initiated NC with my xAP.  I'm getting much better at understanding/avoiding the triggers leading up to thinking about him - and the depressing sadness that follows.

Today, I fell off the wagon.  (Note to self:  stay busy and distracted on weekends!)

Aside from holding the line on NC, I'm wondering if anyone has advice on the toll the healing process exacts on confidence/self-esteem; sleep patterns - basically the mental and physical toll?

I am normally a beautiful, radiant, happy and confident woman, but these past several weeks have seen me lose sleep, become distracted, and basically unable to fake my usual happy self.

Still having trouble in having feelings toward my H.  Last night we went to dinner with friends, and I was the quiet one at the table - and I looked ashen, sad and just not radiant at all!

Hating this!

Anybody else feeling like they went from Cinderella (or Prince Charming for that matter) to one of the Ugly step-sibilings?

Appreciate your advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 9:10pm

Hi Pac 

I'm sorry to hear you broke NC.  What happened?  Did you have a trigger?  How did it pan out?  How did it make you feel?  How did the end the conversation end?

As far as the physical toll, I'm thinking (and I am not a detox specialist or doctor) we might feel and see the effects similar to withdrawal from any addictive substance...anxiety, restlessness, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, lack of concentration and looking pretty peaked.  

As far as the mental toll, I think the addiction tries to reassert itself...and so we suffer pretty intense urges to reach for our dope.

So tell me, what made you reach for your dope?  It's really important to pinpoint this to have a plan set in place next time you are up against it.  And ya knoowwww, you really should have come here BEFORE so we could have talked you out of that.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 9:24pm

Hi, Clarity.

I must admit, I blocked and then unblocked my xAP on Facebook!  AND of course, it takes 48 hours before you can re-block.  I am not one of xAP's FB friends and there is very little information that's public.

More importantly, though, what set me off were my own thoughts, which led to sadness, which led to completly thinking about xAP for quite a long time today.

I am much stronger when I can keep myself busy in a project or get out of the house.  Just gotta do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 9:25pm

P.S.:  It was all just me - no active contact/reaching out to xAP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 9:42pm

Edited...didn't like the way it came off.

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 10:59pm

Is It Time To Take a Break From Facebook? When Facebook Is ‘In Charge’ Of Your Self-Esteem | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

Check out this link, Pac.  Pretty interesting

it's just important to work through what it was you were looking to accomplish, and talking it out can help.  I'm hoping that, while you probably realized that you weren't going to learn much about what's going on with him, you did realize that it didn't help you feel much better.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 2:42pm

Hi, Clarity.

I saw that article.  I need to make some changes to my lifestyle, which includes getting off this darned laptop!

I have been a telecommuter for awhile.  The one beautiful thing about being a commuter is that it forces you to into a better routine - get up early, workout, get ready for the day, drive to the office, meet with colleagues, etc....

Currently, I'm self-employed and am considering getting a side job just to get out of the house.

This morning started off with a major argument with my H.  He has anger and self-esteem issues - he will rant at the TV (RANT at the TELEVISION) because he doesn't like certain female newscasters.

RANTS when he's driving - it gets so bad at times, I'm actually scared we're going to get into an accident.

So, I guess the good news is, my attention has been diverted from my xAP to my H!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 3:15pm

I hate rantings.  MH can be ranter as well...and it at times has made me cringe.  I usually end up telling him to shut the f up...not recommending you do that, mind you...but it works for me.

I think all men have a touch of mysogny.  MH has more than a touch of it. And whereas I believe it stems from his dysfunctional home with a dysfunctional mother and which included two dysfunctional-to-this-day sisters, I getting pretty damn sick and tired about men seemingly getting of the hook with regards to addressing it.  Well now, there's a little rant of my own :smileyhappy:  Does that make a mysandroid (mysandry..man hater) or an antiranteer?

My girlfriend's b/f was just awful in traffic.  He never left enough time to get where he was going and, of course, there was always rush-hour traffic and he would be weaving in an out, yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs...it was an ordeal for her...if she wanted the car for the day.

I guess my response is how I can soooo relate.

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 3:43pm

I just want peace in my life, Clarity.

I think that's what led me to have my A to begin with.  My H has some major baggage and he requires so much attention. 

He does practically nothing around the house - we pay people to do most of the maintenance.  I have days where I feel like he just sucks the life out of me.

He hardly ever expresses unconditional love and affection -- yet there's hell to pay if another man dare come near me and innocently compliment me.  It's like a double-edged sword.

He sometimes has *extreme* misogyny toward other women directed mostly at strong women on TV, like Oprah, Ann Curry, Katie Couric, etc...  And the language he uses!!  C-word this, C-word that... Blue smoke in our house when they come on.  It's depressing.

Earlier this year, before my A began, I finally got to a place where I just felt good about myself, despite the shortcomings in my marriage.  It was a place where I finally felt wonderful in my own skin and was radiant and confident.  That's the place where I want to be.

I see my therapist again on Wednesday.  I do hope my H will join me, but am going regardless.  I'm just not happy about this relationship and I need a plan.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 5:40pm

justalittlejewishguiltbackatyou!!!

Are you KIDDING???

I love ALL women.  That is one of my fundamental problems. :smileyhappy:

Tell me what you really think???

 

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.