Confused....((Had to change my profile name so reposted, sorry))
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|Sat, 10-13-2012 - 4:59pm|
Well l am new and have been reading for a little while. I am 29 years old and I have been married almost 5 years. Everyone seems to think I have a perfect, happy life. Great house, 2 great kids, I don't have to work, and I give everyone the impression that everything is wonderful. Truth is I am not happy. Its been like that for a while..We have lots of problems..he doesnt touch me ever, no hugs, no nothing! He is a great dad and a good person..he doesnt know how to love someone though. He is not very emotionally there. I feel like we are really good friends but other than that, nothing. I hate going out and seeing all the attention random men will give me and my own husband barely notices me.
I met a guy a couple years back and nothing happened but emotionally he just made me happy, told me everything I wanted to hear that I wasnt getting at home. He was gorgeous, but not the brightest crayon in the box. I moved so I cut off contact competely and didnt even think of him... he just kind of filled some boredom I had. A few months ago I went back home and ended up running into him (I am obviously still unhappy) it all went right back to where we had left it at. Ended up turning physical and it was AWFUL.. he might have made me feel good emotionally but physically he just doesnt have "it" So I was over it... ended up hanging out with some friends and met yet another guy. I really didnt think anything of it. We just talked a lot, had some drinks and we ended up kissing... wow oh wow oh wow. I cant stop thinking of him. We only hung out for 2 days but we have a lot in common and just connected on a level that I havent connected with someone in a while. He knows Im married and he is a single guy in his 20s. We exchanged numbers and we have text back and forth a few times but nothing more than that.
I have been honest with my husband about how I feel, how I dont want to feel like I am not loved my entire life. Im not even 30 yet and the romance is DEAD. I NEED more.. I have beat it into his head for so long how much more I NEED yet he still doesnt give me anything. Anyways I told him I was wanting out but we have 2 young kids and I just cant leave right now. He says he wants to work on things (let me stress we have had a LOT of problems) and I think its too late now... why didnt he want me for the last 5+ years?? And if I stay, I dont know if Ill ever get the fullfillment that I need. I love how this new guy appreciates me, and builds me up. At home with my husband.. Im invisible.
Guess I should list some problems to give a better idea of why I feel so alone... lots of inlaw problems. His mother HATES me. Sends nasty emails to him about me, says mean things to my face.. he tells me to get over it pretty much and that I need to deal with it for him. I saw a therapist for this and told her my story and she told me how she understood why I felt so alone because he never had my back..EVER. That was good to hear. ((If anyone has had inlaw issues, they can seriously make a ding in your marriage) Im not close with my family, his dad use to be very mean to me also but has gotten better. He works a ton..brought me to a new city where I sit by myself all day with no friends. Tries to control me emotionally, he hates when I cry, tells me I annoy him if I open up about problems Im having. I read someones post the other day that their husband told them that "they dont abusive them or cheat on them" so they are a good husband. I feel like he has that same mindset. I mean hes an okay husband, hes nice enough, supports us, great dad..but I just always dreamed of so much more.. romance, love, passion.. all of it. Will I ever be happy?? Sorry this is so long..not really sure what I am looking for..