Is it abnormal to be single........??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Is it abnormal to be single........??
18
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 8:35am

Hi,

I am sitting here with a coffee enjoying the sound of rain outside.......with my wet dog!! lol.  Thought I'd post about something I've been thinking about for a while........

Is it abnormal to be single? I guess maybe in your twenties when there are lots of people around (my gosh....I had so many friends then.......both male and female).  As you get older, though, if you miss that "boat" it seems really difficult to find someone in your thirties and beyond.......

I guess I notice it - not too many people at the office ask me about my personal life, but usually when my dad calls me every other week or so he asks "so is anything else new??" or "any guys on the scene??"

I read a book recently about being single.......I meant to post the name of it on here with the author, but it really talked about the various characters and their various states of single-dom (e.g. divorced, depressed, given up, hit the jackpot) lol........but I don't think people necessarily understand the difficulty of meeting someone nowadays.......

I guess the OLD commercials don't help - they portray online dating as some kind of magical thing where you're bound to meet some guy who's "totally" interested in you right off the bat......

I have to say that for the most part, I like being single.  It can be extremely hard when disaster strikes (e.g job loss) or managing to maintain a household on one income.  I also miss the sex.......but in general......I don't feel the "need" for a boyfriend. 

What do you think? Do you get questions from people? Do you still have the expectation you will meet someone, or are you happy on your own?

I have met a few guys through work that I could see myself with, but it seems (like 95% of the planet!!) they are married.......lol......

Mel :smileyhappy:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 3:19pm

If you really think that then you are mistaken. Men often wear a shell outside to appear masculine as they should, but walk up to a random man on the street and say "Excuse me, would you like to have sex?" 9 out of 10 times you would see them become petrified, speechless and start making up excuses. You can brush it off as a social experiment.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 1:20pm

xVladx:

Everyone aspires to be in that perfect relationship

CFK_3:

I'm past that stage as well, Free (casual sex) . Funnily enough, I once put an add on a site which, unbeknownst to me, was linked up with a handful of other sites. Some of them were those casual encounter sites. I was mortified when a guy mentioned he saw me on ______.com! I was like, huh?!?!?!

Freeatlast2008:

Oh; I am so stupid and I now know why XXSS and the other poster wrote what they did.. They are men.. and of course men think way different than women..

In my ripe old age I am totally convinced now that all men just want sex and food..... not even sure if older guys can have sex without meds so they probably just want food..


    Interesting!  
       There is another component:  Societal/cultural  conditioning.  Most women are taught from an very early  age how it is supposed to be.   Get a boyfriend,get married, have children, and that is supposed to fulfill everything.

   Men get: Be a provider,be the head of the nuclear family,work,etc.  Culturally: get a girlfriend,get married,sublimate your needs, be a consumer, and that is supposed to make you happy.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 10:05am

Oh; I am so stupid and I now know why XXSS and the other poster wrote what they did.. They are men.. and of course men think way different than women..

In my ripe old age I am totally convinced now that all men just want sex and food..... not even sure if older guys can have sex without meds so they probably just want food..

So we should just all start a new dating website titled food come and get it blah blah blah blah....................................

Rock On Sista!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 9:20am
I'm past that stage as well, Free (casual sex) . Funnily enough, I once put an add on a site which, unbeknownst to me, was linked up with a handful of other sites. Some of them were those casual encounter sites. I was mortified when a guy mentioned he saw me on ______.com! I was like, huh?!?!?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 2:11am

"I would think most on this board want to be in a true loving monogomus relationship no??"

Of course. Everyone aspires to be in that perfect relationship, but the sad fact is that very few people are truly compatible with each other to become lifelong partners. People rush in to marriage as they get older. Society tells us that it is indeed abnormal, and to some extent it is. Then the problems start. Women reach their sexual peak in their 30's while men's hormones start dropping in 30's and 40's. Just take a look at the mismatched libidos board. Women crying themselves to sleep because men don't want to touch them. Men compaining that women don't want to do anything with them. You would think that this could have been worked out in the relationship phase before marriage. Some people let themselves go because they are too comfortable with their partners which compounds problems. People also fall out of love as fast as they get into it. Love is nothing more than biological hormones acting up. You cannot force love, it happens and it also dissapears. Take a look at toxic relationship board.

Women miss their biological clocks to have children. By your 50's, you come to closer realization of your inevitable mortality and realize that if youre not living, youre slowly dying. The biggest thing we fear is growing old with no one around. No significant other and no children. Friends are a great distraction, but they could never provide the affection that one would seek from a party of the opposite sex. Of course there are times that both type of friends are in that position and this is how those FWB relationships start. When you think about it, this whole "love" is a very sad component in our lives. In the end, the bottom line is, don't listen to the media and people. Do what makes you happy. If you are truly happy with yourself without trying to convince yourself that you are happy, then you are happy. Trying to convince yourself that you are happy by bringing up reasons that you are will not make you happy if you are not happy deep inside. Sorry to be such a depressing person in this post. I am usually not this way, but someone had to bring up this point.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 1:02am

Wait!  If you ask for an intimate encounter then you get banned from most other members.  Somehow wanting a sexual relationship and being honest about it is something bad. 

" want to be in a true loving monogomus relationship no"  No!  I like being single and having lover(s) who are not under foot.  It took a while to accept who I am and the fact I am happiest by myself 98% of the time.

  It is accepting our true self no matter what the outside pressures say.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 9:41pm

yes it seems these days there are alot of gray areas.. There are many people I read about on these boards and IRL having flings and FWB and affairs.. and although I do not want to go there as I am past that I see that many people do.........

There is also a category on POF where you can ask for an Intimate Encounter if you like.. There is Ashley Madison where couples list themselves as married but are looking for other partners..

Its a different world out there and it seems there are many types of relationships. I guess we have to figure out which one we want.. I would think most on this board want to be in a true loving monogomus relationship no??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:02pm

Life isnt black and white, but shades of gray. Above and beyond the labels of "single" or "married", what we all truely desire is to be heard and loved and have companionship. If youre not sure on love, find a no strings attached cuddle buddy. It need not be sexual. Just the simple act of holding someone or making out with them can be just as rewarding to both parties as any number of one night stands people usually engage in. Be carefull though, you may develop serious feelings eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 4:08pm
I have been single my entire life, but have always had so much going on in my life and enjoyed my own company - so single life has not been a disaster for me. Until this year, when I have really felt the pains of being 35 and still the epitome of The Spinster for everyone around me... Suddenly I feel like such a loser. Most of my friends are married or living with a guy, most of them have children as well. And so I feel left out, more than ever now. Noone to do things with, or not often anyway. Missing my friends, first and foremost. But also, that special someone in my life, who loves me for being me - not for being a daughter, a niece, a relative, a friend.... Everyone else seems to find someone so easily, that has never been easy for me. I am trying OLD, but it is not my thing and I seldom go there. One has to hope there are still other places than online to meet good men! Then again, I have never been the one to settle and I won´t be either. I would rather stay single than to settle down with a man that is not the right one for me. Mr Right does not exist, nor am I perfect. But I still believe in love, and that there is a guy out there who is my match! But where?
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 2:15pm

A lot of men who are past the pressure to "have a girl friend" realize that their life is so much better off than being with someone who they (later cannot stand).   I am living alone and prefer it.  I really do not like someone underfoot.  I come and go as I please watch what programs I want and play the video games I want, when I want, Watch college football with out someone wanting to disturb me with a "conversation",cook what I want to eat and eat it!  Too many advantages!!

Goldfish

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