More musings re: OLD

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
More musings re: OLD
15
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 8:48am

I can't report any new developments since I went back online about four weeks ago. Just for fun, I have been perusing profiles of men in distant cities by typing in certain keywords (I always thought I'd be a good fit with an architect). I haven't written to any of them.

Anyway, can I just say how weary I am of certain words in profiles: passionate, open-minded, spontaneous.

Open-minded: does this mean I need to be into threesomes? 

And what's with spontaneous? Why is this such a desired trait to claim, or to seek in a woman? If a guy describes himself as spontaneous, does that mean he never plans anything? Is he spontaneous in a good way, like he sees you've been working hard painting a dresser and insists on whisking you away to dinner? I need details!

OK, and the age thing. Yes, we've discussed this. Sooo many men describe themselves as looking younger, and they don't. And many men are of course seeking younger women. Like, a man my age, 58, often puts an age range of 35 - 50 (or starts even younger). I can assure you, when I was 35, I would not have been interested in a 58-year-old. But the ones that puzzle me are the ones who stop a year or two younger. What's wrong with a woman your age? What's the point of a younger woman who is only one to two years younger than yourself? I can understand men wanting someone 10 - 20 years younger, but two? It just seems so silly to me.

But then, I find a lot of OLD ridiculous.

And while we're at it, can we just ban some other words from profiles: easy-going, laid-back, love to laugh, tux. Please, for  my sake, and for all us women out there.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 10:05am
All those words always bugged me, too! Laid back = lazy when I read it. Same with easy going. I always read spontaneous as flaky. Open-minded brought the threesome thing to my mind too.

I will never understand the age thing. Most people think I look younger than I am, but not so much that they'd put me in the wrong generation! Very few men actually look younger than they are, except the ones who live in Hollywood. Regardless of how young we all look, our organs know better. Someone who is 58 is still most likely far closer to death than I am at 35. Marrying someone that much older makes it far more likely that you'll be burying him and looking to date again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 10:12am

Oh, those descriptions are soooo tired.  My all-time favorite is the men who want someone who:" feels just as comfortable in jeans and tee-shirt as in formal dress attire."  Or words to that effect.  Ok, I get it. You want someone who can go into a bathroom and turn from drab to glamorous in 5 minutes.

The real turn-off for me are the ads which sound angry and delineate all of the things they do *not* want in a woman:  "not into head games"  "no drama queens."

It would be nice if Evan Katz could assist men in a more successful OLD experience.  But wait, as Evan himself rightfully points out, men are not asking for help

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 10:57am

Oh yes, advice books are only for women, not for men. And yes, I can always tell why a man's last relationship didn't work out because he writes things like "I'm looking for a faithful woman," "Not looking for a drama queen," "Want a woman who can enjoy the simpler things in life," etc., etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 11:40am

Good point shywon--I'd think you'd get a much better clue to someone's overall health if they mention that they play a lot of sports but that can be deceiving too.  I'm tired of guys who say they are so health conscious and eat right.  lol  To me that sounds boring & rigid.  Not that I want a guy who eats junk food all the time either.  I'd like to be mostly health conscious but not so much that you'll never want to go out for an ice cream or indulge in a great dinner even if it might be too many calories.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 11:58am

I also have to laugh about the "I look good in a tux" comments.  Seriously, unless a guy is like Donald Trump how often do regular men ever wear a tux?  At their DD's wedding?  My 2 exHs had jobs where they didn't have to dress up for work and the only time they even wore suits was at a wedding or funeral--they never wore tuxes after our own weddings. 

And the age thing is wierd too--I can see a guy my age (55) saying heck, if I can attract a much younger good looking woman, why not?  (Although as our own actual younger woman here confirms--those guys are probably dreaming, unless they are very rich and handsome.)  But yes, if you're willing to date a woman 1 yr younger, then why not your own age?  I do think most guys put up to their own age or maybe a couple of years older.  I'd really like to write to the ones who stop at 5 yrs younger & ask them why that is?  Do they want more kids?  Do they feel that women their own age are too "old" looking (and of course the guy is not!) It's been my experience, like based on going to high school reunions & such, that middle aged women look way better than the men our own age because we work at it more, dying our hair, using makeup & face creams, buying the right clothes, etc.  And I'd like to ask those guys do you really think that a woman 20 yrs younger is going to have more in common with you than a woman your own age?  I realize they are only thinking about looks, but obviously they don't think that the younger woman is probably going to want marriage & kids--I guess guys don't think that deeply.

Well I've been back on match for a few weeks now & realize that I've just wasted my money.  Everybody is looking at my profile but no one is contacting me--I just don't get it.  I do know that where before I was spending a lot of time reading profiles & contacting people, now I am just bored with the whole thing.  I might look for 15 mins., then I get tired.  I have contacted a few people who seemed especially interesting, but heard nothing.  I know that if someone half way decent contacted me, I'd at least give him a chance, so it's too bad. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 1:12pm
Music- they are probably looking and not contacting or not responding because they haven't paid so they can't. I always wonder how many of the profiles that are visible are actual paying customers and how many are just guys who put a profile up just for kicks, or who have left it up after their membership expired and forgot about it.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 2:45pm

Tux? How are they using that word? I am assuming you mean the suit, LOL, and I'm not that far behind on current verbiage.

I am giggling to myself because I have used most of the words you've listed in my OLD profiles. I am open minded, passionate and used to be spontaneous. I always assume when a guy asks if I'm spontaneous, they are referring to maintenance. For example, if they ask me to meet them on the fly, will I make up an excuse for why I can't come right at that moment, knowing full well, I'm going to spend the next 1.5 hours getting ready?

My brother's new piece (I'm just using that word for fun) is four years his senior.  His wife was four years older as well.  Perhaps he is a rarity.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 4:24pm

They're using it like this: "I'm as comfortable in a tux as I am in blue jeans."

I had never thought of a spontaneous woman as someone who can get ready to go somewhere fast, but I see your point. But I do wonder about the meaning of the other words, open-minded and passionate. I guess I'm just tired of reading the same thing over and over in profiles. :smileyhappy:

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:10pm

I think of spontaneity as being up for anything at any given time.  A fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of personality.

I don't blame you one bit, I'd be tired of seeing the same thing over and over again myself. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:36pm

I will say, i really enjoyed this string of discussion. I have most of the "should be banned" words in my profile. Probably explains my luck in OLD , or lack thereof.

Don't have tux, cause i never wear them. wear a uniform every day, i am never going to get into a tux without a gun to my head :-)

But i do have laid back and that is because i like to look at the lighter side of things. I certainly hope i am not lazy..

have passionate, but only because there so many people out with mismatched passion levels that just cause problems down the line..

spontaneous: yeah, only because i love to change my plans at the drop of a hat, plan an impromptu road trip, get frustrated cooking and order in instead...

love to laugh: don't have that but have "warm personality".. some people just act too seriously all the time... if your home is a cold place where you can't feel warmth and love, you just don't want to be there. I know this, comparing my first marriage to my second. In my first, we laughed, played games, danced around the house, play wrestled... we had fun together. I got widowed, got remarried, and this, any attempts at games were quickly squashed, the was always a cold, serious attitude arond thehouse, and i realised it was just that person's personality... so now warmth i look out for...

but i see your point and probably have tofind better ways to word it.. I'll say, OLD is hard. You never know what you could be doing wrong..

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