More musings re: OLD

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
More musings re: OLD
15
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 8:48am

I can't report any new developments since I went back online about four weeks ago. Just for fun, I have been perusing profiles of men in distant cities by typing in certain keywords (I always thought I'd be a good fit with an architect). I haven't written to any of them.

Anyway, can I just say how weary I am of certain words in profiles: passionate, open-minded, spontaneous.

Open-minded: does this mean I need to be into threesomes? 

And what's with spontaneous? Why is this such a desired trait to claim, or to seek in a woman? If a guy describes himself as spontaneous, does that mean he never plans anything? Is he spontaneous in a good way, like he sees you've been working hard painting a dresser and insists on whisking you away to dinner? I need details!

OK, and the age thing. Yes, we've discussed this. Sooo many men describe themselves as looking younger, and they don't. And many men are of course seeking younger women. Like, a man my age, 58, often puts an age range of 35 - 50 (or starts even younger). I can assure you, when I was 35, I would not have been interested in a 58-year-old. But the ones that puzzle me are the ones who stop a year or two younger. What's wrong with a woman your age? What's the point of a younger woman who is only one to two years younger than yourself? I can understand men wanting someone 10 - 20 years younger, but two? It just seems so silly to me.

But then, I find a lot of OLD ridiculous.

And while we're at it, can we just ban some other words from profiles: easy-going, laid-back, love to laugh, tux. Please, for  my sake, and for all us women out there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 10:46pm
LOL! This is to very true. It's amazing what you can read between the lines on any sort of profile. I think most posts are purely entertaining reads. If you really want to have fun go check out the Craigslist posts - it's like a sociology experiment.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 2:44pm

I think you are on to something xxs..

I will include myself here but I also see some roadblocks with most of us who post here.. Myself included and that is why I am working on my energy and trying to raise my vibrations.. I am doing the emotional freedom technique to see if I have any love blockages and it seems to be working.. I have had three men from OLD write to me so far.

I have one guy though who lives two hours away and I have one guy who wrote so I gave him my number. Lets see if he calls.

There was another guy who wrote and left his number so I have to decide whether to call or  not..

 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 2:20pm

IMO we seem to be afraid of ourselves.  There are people whom we meet that for some reason do not "light our fire" right away.  While there are others who do.  IMO go with the flow.  What is a relationship?  What does that really mean?  Is everyone on the same definition?  Are we placing road blocks in our way? 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 11:18am

And also if you read something that says that a guy wants a woman who is passionate, doesn't it make you think the guy is  going to be insisting on sex right away w/o any kind of relationship?  I'd like to have hot passionate sex, but I wouldn't advertise it in my profile cause I'd be afraid I'd attract the wrong kind of person--I still have to like the person first, not just do it with anybodyl.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 10:19am

have passionate, but only because there so many people out with mismatched passion levels that just cause problems down the line..

I'm thinking you are referring to sex? See, when I see the word "passionate" in a profile, my mind goes to sex, unless it is being used to describe a pastime, i.e., "I am passionate about organic gardening." 

I totally get the concept of matched libidos (and want that very much), but I think getting into anything sexual in your profile or in an email before you even meet is premature, out of place and a total turn off to me. But that's just me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:36pm

I will say, i really enjoyed this string of discussion. I have most of the "should be banned" words in my profile. Probably explains my luck in OLD , or lack thereof.

Don't have tux, cause i never wear them. wear a uniform every day, i am never going to get into a tux without a gun to my head :-)

But i do have laid back and that is because i like to look at the lighter side of things. I certainly hope i am not lazy..

have passionate, but only because there so many people out with mismatched passion levels that just cause problems down the line..

spontaneous: yeah, only because i love to change my plans at the drop of a hat, plan an impromptu road trip, get frustrated cooking and order in instead...

love to laugh: don't have that but have "warm personality".. some people just act too seriously all the time... if your home is a cold place where you can't feel warmth and love, you just don't want to be there. I know this, comparing my first marriage to my second. In my first, we laughed, played games, danced around the house, play wrestled... we had fun together. I got widowed, got remarried, and this, any attempts at games were quickly squashed, the was always a cold, serious attitude arond thehouse, and i realised it was just that person's personality... so now warmth i look out for...

but i see your point and probably have tofind better ways to word it.. I'll say, OLD is hard. You never know what you could be doing wrong..

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:10pm

I think of spontaneity as being up for anything at any given time.  A fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of personality.

I don't blame you one bit, I'd be tired of seeing the same thing over and over again myself. 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 4:24pm

They're using it like this: "I'm as comfortable in a tux as I am in blue jeans."

I had never thought of a spontaneous woman as someone who can get ready to go somewhere fast, but I see your point. But I do wonder about the meaning of the other words, open-minded and passionate. I guess I'm just tired of reading the same thing over and over in profiles. :smileyhappy:

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 2:45pm

Tux? How are they using that word? I am assuming you mean the suit, LOL, and I'm not that far behind on current verbiage.

I am giggling to myself because I have used most of the words you've listed in my OLD profiles. I am open minded, passionate and used to be spontaneous. I always assume when a guy asks if I'm spontaneous, they are referring to maintenance. For example, if they ask me to meet them on the fly, will I make up an excuse for why I can't come right at that moment, knowing full well, I'm going to spend the next 1.5 hours getting ready?

My brother's new piece (I'm just using that word for fun) is four years his senior.  His wife was four years older as well.  Perhaps he is a rarity.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 1:12pm
Music- they are probably looking and not contacting or not responding because they haven't paid so they can't. I always wonder how many of the profiles that are visible are actual paying customers and how many are just guys who put a profile up just for kicks, or who have left it up after their membership expired and forgot about it.

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