Sunday blues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sunday blues
16
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 1:47pm

Anyone besides me find Sunday's hard to endure? Sunday's have always been sad to me for some reason, but now....they are almost unbearable.  Rainy and windy here today, and the leaves are starting to turn and fall.  Just having a pity party and wondered if anyone else struggles with Sundays.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 6:01pm

I cleaned out the refrigerator last night! Tossed all the things that I only bought because HE liked.  I got a little weepy just thinking of how happy buying those things made me and how horrible it was making me feel to throw them out.  But I DID IT and now am trying to think of another small project for tonight after work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:41pm

Excellent, ISHKB!

Great suggestion, NoWay!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:15pm
YAY!!! You go girl!!!!
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:12pm

Great place to start!  And a goal I can complete rather quickly for a quick "empowerment" feeling!  Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:56pm
Start with the refrigerator...that's an easy one!! Get rid of things that you have in there for him!! That's where I started......baby steps!!
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:51pm

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I really, really, needed to hear this...and I love the way you phrased it too! His ghost will be gone! I had not thought of it that way, but it is exactly how it feels, the ghost of him is EVERYWHERE here.  Even in the refrigerator (things I kept because he liked), my closet...clothes that he was with me when I bought, the dog grooming tool drawer because he always helped me groom my fur babies, he built this computer I am typing on.   Seriously, I have rattled around this house all day looking for a project that would NOT make me think of HIM.  I KNOW this will get better with time, but honestly it makes me sick because he recently moved into a new apt and there are no reminders of me there for him to stumble on. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 6:31pm

((ISHKB)),

I'm sorry you're having a rough time today.I can relate to what you're saying about everywhere you look in your house you see him. I had that same problem. Xmm was at my home a lot and also did a lot of things around here. At almost a year out of my A I can tell you that his "ghost" no longer haunts every room in my home. It does get better. I purged my home of everything that he had given me/brought into my home with the exception of a fountain on my patio. That I kept, not because it was from him, but because I love the sound of it!

I realize you're probably not ready to start getting rid of things or changing things but as you start feeling stronger I would suggest you start, little by little. The strength you will gain from doing that will surprise you. And eventually those things and his "ghost" will be gone....and you will be stronger and better for it.

Sending you ((hugs)) and strength.....

~~Noway~~

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 5:49pm

I'm a big fan of making out lists, so I am going to suggest making out one for yourself :smileyhappy:

Make a list...and it'll take some thinking...of things you would enjoy doing or being.  Even the most outrageous ideas may turn out to be something not so outrageous.  Maybe there were things you always wanted to do, but gave up to have a family or you were too financially strapped or couldn't find the time.  Or maybe there are things that you just poo poo'd, but suddenly at this juncture in your life they don't seem so poo pooable, but actually doable.

Some ideas may be easily attainable, some may take some effort, but who knows, along the way, you may find out a lot about yourself...your abilities...creativity...inherent strengths...and even if you come across some weakness, they may provide a nice challenge.  

Just some food for thought.

  


Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 5:31pm

I fully understand where he is coming from and where you,..............are now in this dilemma.

I know it can't be easy, but I think you are handling it the best that can be expected. 

If....IF we only knew what it was that made us act so goofy, it would be easier to understand. 

I would think most here would agree, we were just out of control of our logical minds.  I am sure he is feeling the same thing, or will..........sooner or later.

He had a good thing, and blew it.  Like we all did.  Luckily some of us are getting another chance.

You are doing the right thing in my opinion, MOVING ON even though it is hard, and you quite can't understand.  It is the best for you. You had a NON committed person who you had fallen in love with. 

You have a lot to give to the right person, and they are out there. It will happen. I am confident.  Don't sell yourself short.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 5:13pm

I agree, I don't think things were as perfect for him as they were for me, or obviously things would have turned out different.  I do believe that because of some other things that were changing in his life concerning his job and a few other things he realized that I was not going to "keep on keeping on" until he made things right.  I think for whatever reason he holds onto his marriage, he realized that he was going to have to make a choice. So, instead of doing the right thing and telling me his feelings were changing, and walking away leaving me a tidbit of dignity, he chose to start something up with a married woman.  PERFECT for him, she won't be wanting to give up her lifestyle or status so they can sneak and never have to worry that the other one will be expecting more.  I guess?? I don't know....I am still at a loss as to why he would hurt me this way.

I did get an email from him a few days ago.  A beautiful letter actually.  Not asking for forgivness, but saying he understood if I never forgave him.  Told me that the years were in deed the happiest of his life and that my home and my love was what he always had dreamed of having.  BUT IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN ENOUGH, his words.  He admitted he was a coward, and that he didn't change things because he didn't want to let anyone down and he now realizes that he hurt the one person in the world that he never had to question whether he was loved or not. Well, thats all well and good, but what does that really leave me with? Nothing but memories. I have not answered the email. 

Anyway, I have always loved a project and i picked up paint samples Friday and am looking forward to changing some things up.  Really wrestling with the idea of a game room, DARTS with his picture in the bulls-eye.  :smileysurprised:

 

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