hi and family vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
hi and family vent
4
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:04pm

Hi. I am new to this board but not to ivillage. I am married to my husband of 18 yrs and we have 3 wonderful children (11g, 4b,3g), a beagle, 2 cats and a gazillion or so fish. I am a sahm mom who babysits for extra money, has fibromyalgia and volunteers in the jr. high ministry at church. Enough about me, on to the vent before I explode!

Every year my disabled father likes to and looks forward to taking all of us kids and our families for pizza and pumpkin picking. This yr my sis and her 25 yr old dd with her bf and his son, my good brother (more about that later) and his 13 yr old son, my family and my parents all went. We started the fun at a pizza hut where my dad ordered dessert first. His day, his rules. My sis got her panties all in a wad and actually tried to stop the kids from eating it before their pizza came. My brother took the leftovers and had the waitress remove them from the table  so the kids couldn't eat anymore. THey each only had 2 of the sweet breadsticks. Fast forward to the end of the meal and my niece is disrespectfully tearing into my dad, her gpa because he wasn't using a coupon. Then my niece starts basically being a B to her boyfriend. When it was time to leave she and bf and mom stayed behind to fuss at each other. Finally we get to the pumpkin patch. My brother won't allow his son to get off the wagon in the pumpkin field because he was wearing $100 neon shoes. @@ Way to single the kid out. My nieces bfs kid apparently had a crush on my 11 yr old and was chasing her, tugging her hair, poking her etc all in fun. My niece was all over that kid. Again, way to make a scene. Then playing on the playground there my niece puts my son in time out. I didnt' see what happened so I asked my niece about it. She felt justified in doing so, I didn't. Apparently my son pushed his little sister down the slide and she got hurt. Not realizing this he went down the slide headfirst laughing. She put him in time out because her perception was that he was laughing at his sister being hurt. Anyway, while I am finding out the scoop my brother and sister standing behind me are commenting that my kids must be allowed to hurt each other. Grrrr. My dh strikes up a conversation with my brother. In the conversation dh comments that he was glad he called off work today so my brothers son could be there. My brother got all in a tizzy and got his panties in a bunch. Meanwhile my niece 25 yr old niece is stomping off to the car to pout because her bf apparently mentioned that her chin hair had grown back. Discovering that my nephew did not get a pumpkin because his father forbid him due to the stupid shoes, my mom sent my dh to get a prepicked pumpkin and put it in my brothers truck. Upon arriving at the truck my brother discovers it and promptly lays in to his son, assuming his kid went behind his back. Finally my mom gets a word in and explains the kid knew nothing about it. Brother removed the pumpkin and put it in my parents van claim the kid was too old for silly things like carving pumpkins anyway. Totally humiliated the kid. 

My dad waits all year for this. It is his thing with the kids. He gets more enjoyment out of this day than Christmas. That is my moms holiday. And how do my siblings and adult niece behave? I am so mad. So what if dad wants to order dessert first. So what is he wants to buy the kids popcorn and soda. So what if he doesn't care about a coupon. So what if 296 lbs of pumpkin cost him $101. Let the man enjoy the day and by all means, let the kids be kids! Yes, clothes get dirty. Guess that is why we have washing machines. Yes, the kids get hyped up on sugar and don't really eat pizza. But so what, it isn't everyday. The day is coming when my wheelchair ridden father won't be able to do this day. The day is also coming when even the youngest grandchildren are grown. They're gonna miss this. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 8:37pm
My dh sounds like your dad & loves to have dessert 1st all of the time, sigh its fun to do some of the time. I'm with you, your dad should get to do it his way. Next yr, maybe it should be the 13 yr nephew & your kids only. Leave grumpy db/ds/nasty niece at home & the rest of you go have a great time with Grandpa & Grandma.
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 9:40am

As agonizing and frustrating it was, how your brother and sister and niece behave are out of your control.  I like PP's idea of you organizing an event next year with just your parents and your kids.

Playing devil's avocate, I can also see some of your brother's point.  He is ultimately responsible for his 13-year old, so good or bad (unless it is child abuse of something, then you call the police), others should respect his parenting.  If I were him, I probably wouldn't want my kid to get filled up on sugar and refined carbs, either.  But I would also try to make other arrangements, such as not go to pizza hut but offer to meet everyone at the pumpkin patch.

I assume your brother and sister and niece always act like that, do they?  If so, then your parents probably did not expect them to behave like angels.  Yet they continue to include them.  And I don't understand why your father cannot stand up for himself and tell your niece to shut up about the coupon thing.  It is, after all, his money.  Perhaps you need to have a talk with your parents and ask what they would like to do next year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 11:05am

I said the same thing to my dh last night about not inviting the adults! GMTA! I understand my brother instilling a punishment but why bother even coming if the kid can't participate? As for sugars? Kid ordered pop and I had the salad bar so there were other options. I also agree with him not allowing his kid tons but why couldn't the kids that weren't his have it if we were ok with it? My siblings and neice do always behave like this. They are all 3 extremely judgemental and feel they are better than the rest. We have had many dinners where I get ticked because they are trying to force my kids to eat. My kids just don't eat! Plus there is usually a table with cheese, crackers, sausage, shrimp, cookies, shrimp dip and veggies which my kids will nibble off of all day prior to the meal. My kids will help themselves to the healthy stuff but ask my permission for the sweets. Works for me. My neice actually lives with my parents so she and my dad bicker all the time. I'll be honest. my dad is not even close to being easy to live with. He and I fought horrid when I lived at home. IMO though, she moved in expecting to force him into all kinds of changes. That bugs me BUT I am still extremely grateful that she does live there because my father falls multiple times a day and has a plethera  of other health issues. Takes some of the weight and worry off of my shoulders. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2012
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 2:00pm

It sounds like a stressful day out, that didn't need to be so Cry Sorry to hear about this. It sounds like your 'adult niece' isn't as grown up as she thinks. You might be interested in checking out CritiqueMe.com. Since it is an anonymous question/answer site, it can help you ask family/friends questions and allow them to respond more honestly than they might say to you directly. Sounds like it could really help in this situation!