Child's best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Child's best friend
4
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 11:27pm

My daughter has a "best friend" at her preschool & church, they've been best friends since they were 2, they are 4 now.  Everyone knows they are best buddies. The parents live just a few blocks away from us (within walking distance). My husband knows them too. For the past couple of years, we have invited them to our home for parties, they don't call or RSVP, or show up. We invited them to our daughter's birthday party and they didn't show up. My 4 year old was very hurt by this and wanted to know why her best friend was not there. I don't know how to explain it to her. I am sure they just don't like us (which I'm willing to accept), but I don't know how to tell a 4 year old that.  I won't be able to invite them anymore, either, as that's the last time I will put up with a no-call, no-show.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 11-10-2012 - 8:05am

Is this a daycare preschool or just a preschool? I'm not a playdate mom. We both work full time so after school doesn't work and weekends are a nightmare. My oldest is 9 and his last year in daycare/preschool he had 2 really good friends but we were all in the same boat. One was a single mom the other had an infant and I was pregnant with my second. We did manage some birthday parites but play dates forget it. Birthdays for us are tough his is in teh summer so it always seems he gets invites but parties in the summer are hard. The other thing is we live in a very diverse area and some cultures don't celebrate birthdays like we do and for the most part those invites never get responded to. To be honest I don't believe in big blow outs every year, big years thats fine we do 1, 5, 10. 13 and 16 rest of the year its cake with family but we have other friends and family that does these big things every year and we skip some. Its just overkill. May seem snobby but I am also trying to raise my kids how I want.

Like I said earlier play dates are hard for us. My 9 year old has had 1 and it was funny because me and the other mom in the end had the same adversion. We work full time, my house is a wreck I don't want another kid or MOM to see it. When we realized we were on the same page it changed but they are in different activities so scheduling another we just gave up. He has other friends and mom's I wouldn't want to see my house because I know it won't meet THEIR standards and yes I do know mom's who won't let their kids go to anyone else house for various reasons.

So I guess what my rambling is getting at is it may not be they don't like you, they may not be the birthday party play date types.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 12:29pm
Yes, that is always helpful also. We were at a daycare farther away from home and so none of her daycare friends lived anywhere near us (except for that one particular friend) and we don't have many kids in our neighborhood, so it got hard on the weekends at times for my middle one, she'd tire of playing with her younger sister. Its better now that she's in kindergarten and they are at different schools, so on the weekends they play much better together not having been with each other all week at school.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 12:06pm

Well, I suppose that's all we can do.  I will have to encourage my daughter to seek out other friends, as well.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 10:30am
That's a hard one. Are you sure that they are just not extremely busy? Obviously there is really no excuse for no call, no shows, you'd think they could at least be polite enough to make up an excuse especially if they know the girls are good friends. We had one girl at my middle daughter's daycare, they were always asking to have play dates with each other, all the time, and I had left my phone number with her mom and in her folder a few times, and whenever she'd see me picking up my daughter and them asking for a playdate she would always say (and I agreed), no playdates during the week in the evenings. But she would also never call or anything on the weekend, and she never volunteered her phone number either. Eventually I just would always explain to my daughter that I didn't have their number to call and I was sure they were busy on the weekend, if they wanted to play, they would call. I think all you can really do is just explain that you are not sure why they can't attend, but that she should enjoy her time with her friend when they are in school and church together.
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