Some OT news (and a little venting)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Some OT news (and a little venting)
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 8:54am
First -- Charlie is into his fourth radiation treatment today and holding up pretty good, although some of the nasty side effects are alrady showing themselves in an increased need to do laundry (doubt I need to get into graphic details here)!!!

Second -- I finally got my new laptop on line with OS X and AOL for OS X --- and it WILL show me formatted boards in iVillage with a reasonable load time! WOO HOO! What is more, sinc the CD I loaded the program for AOL from was a freebie from a British Mac magazine, it welcomes me online with the British female voice, rather than the usual American male voice like the one heard in the film, "You've Got Mail"! LOL "You've got mail!" in a very proper public school accent! Now to play with it and see if it will load to the web page builder, etc. If so, I can upgrade/update my web page, finally!

Third -- Mary and Kat know this already, but we made an offer on a house (AAARRRGH!) on Thursday last, and it was accepted on Friday (after a little haggling). We've already signed the papers and handed in earnest money and are playing telephone tag with a man to do the inspection (we had ten days from 10 AM Saturday -- so this phone tag is rapidly getting pretty close to the wire!).

The house is what Charlie fell in love with (while it doesn't offend me -- except for the fact that it's in Ohio -- it didn't grab me either) in a development about halfway between Grand Rapids (I think Charlie said it was about 6 miles) and Bowling Green (five miles?) -- called Williamsburg on the River. It isn't exactly on the river, though -- more like on a pond created from damming a creek that feeds into the river! This house has it's own dock on this pond -- which is partly what Charlie wanted: a water view! All I can think of is mosquitoes!

It is on city water (less sulfur smell, I hope) and sewer, can receive cable telly (which means I might actually be able to get broadband!!! and certainly digital television with BBC America!!!) and should be big enough to hold all our stuff (although we MAY have to invest an additional pile of $$$ to finish out the basement so we can arrange it with less clutter...).

I'm of two minds here.

On the positive side, I've long wanted out of this house (with the niece, the living out of a suitcase, and the increasing tension between SIL and Charlie -- she sees him as a threat in that she hasn't told HER DH about her illnesses and Charlie found out by accident since she DID tell someone at AA who then asked Charlie how she was doing... I think she feels that Charlie will let it slip to his brother (and he MIGHT - Charlie isn't too swift about things he should say and not say lately). Anyway, I'm tired of lying to her family and friends to cover for her (I'm the one home all the time to take phone messages) and I'm tired of the niece (I'm the one home all the time so everyone ele can go out to golf -- BIL three or four days a week; AA and all the AA social stuff twice a day seven days a week -- SIL and DH; etc. without leaving the 12-year-old completely on her own), and I want my own things and to cook for myself food *I* like, etc.

On the negative side, I DON'T want to spend the rest of my life in Ohio (I'm not too keen on the weather, which has recently meant constant headaches and a resurgance of my bronchitis; I don't have family here -- and it's still too close to Charlie's family!!! -- nor do I have friends -- except for Mary now... and I don't really have any "connection" to this place!); and I can see the chances of moving back to our house in CA fading rapidly! (Last night I dreamed about that house!) The house isn't my *style*, there is no place to plant a veggie garden (Charlie suggests tubs --- blechh) or an annual or perennial border, we practically live in the pockets of the neighbors (and this part of the world does NOT build fences like they do in CA or TX to divide property and provide privacy), and there is a homeowner's association (an unknown quantity which makes me a little nervous -- even though the houses are not cookie-cutter, there may be restrictions we don't know about yet...).

So, there we go - some good news, some not so good news...

And Charlie still hasn't committed to retiring yet -- so the 401K remains in the hands of the company and the cash flow is becoming a concern to me (if not to him and that pinhead, burr-cut twit he hired as a financial advisor -- can you see I don't like the man?).

Oh yeah, and my international driver's license expired on May 12 so I really have to study for a driving test (AAARGH!) and probably buy a car (more $$$) if we are going to be five miles from anywhere! Can't keep waiting for Charlie to fit my life in between his AA and doctors...

Sorry this turned into more of a vent than I intended.

Thanks for listening, though!


That Yank

Avatar for justshawna
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 1:55pm
Oh Carol - your life sounds so chaotic right now. It must be so hard to have moved so many times and lived so many places, and now you're settling in to something that isn't quite your house of dreams. I wish I could wave a magic wand and give that to you - you deserve it. Sounds like your current living situation is also frustrating. It seems when you stay-at-home, everyone else assumes you have plenty of time to help them out and to meet their needs. And I know the whole situation with Charlie and his illness must be very difficult. Please, please - take a little time for yourself. If it's stitching, reading a great book (one you can't put down)with Beaujangles, or just sitting in a quiet place listening to soft music and sipping coffee (or iced tea?), make sure you get those minutes to yourself. It will help give you some strength to keep going through the chaos. ((Hugs))) If you ever need a shoulder to vent on - we're here for you. Hope things are looking up soon - keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:33pm
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, Carol, sounds like you could use a big hug! {{{{{{Carol}}}}}}

Glad at least to hear that you have your new laptop up and running and that it has made things easier for you!

Hope other aspects of your life get resolved quickly. You and Charlie are in my prayers!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 9:24pm
Big cyber hugs your way! Hope things work out for the better and you get things settled soon!


The best thing for the inside of a man/woman is the outside of a horse-heard during President Reagan's Funeral


Avatar for cattaz2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 8:38am
((((((Carol)))))) Sending you lots of cyberhugs. Try to take some time out for yourself by stitching or reading, etc. You need some time to recharge. I hope that even though the house isn't exactly what you would want that it will all work out for you. I am thinking of you and Charlie and sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers to you both during your difficult time right now.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:14am
Hi Carol,

I remember reading your posts on the get organized board a couple of years ago when you were in S.A. I'm sorry things have taken such a turn for the worse for you, and especially your poor husband.

I'd like to make a suggestion, and I hope you don't take offense to it. Maybe you could bring some needlework with you and go to an Al-Anon meeting. That would help alleviate the jealousy of hubby spending so much time at AA meetings. Also, there's a chapter in the big book called 'To the Wives' that might be very interesting reading for you. It was written back in the 1930s, when most alcoholics who sought help in AA were men.

You're both in my prayers.

All the best,

Lee Ann

Lee Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 3:22am

De-lurking long enough to send ((((HUGS))))! Sorry to hear the Charlie is starting to feel the effects of the treatments - I guess it needs to get worse beore it can get better, huh?

Regarding the house - sounds like a mixed blessing indeed! Just focus on how much you'll enjoy having your own space and some blessed peace. And I'll lay odds that you wind up being game for The Great Container Veggie Garden on the Lake (o.k., Pond) Challenge!" LOL!


P.S. EGA has a chapter in Grand Rapids - I'm not sure where would be the closest on the Ohio side. Here's the link to the national:


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 8:25am
When I first saw the words "Grand Rapids" I wondered WHY EGA would have a chapter there! THEN I realized you meant Grand Rapids, MI, not Grand Rapids, OH (the latter of which is only about 5 miles from the new house!). I do have a problem with reading sometimes -- I see a word and *assume* I know the ending of the sentence (and I blame DH for doing that when he listens/doesn't listen! Blush)

BUT I did go to the page you cited and found a chapter in Toledo (a little further, but not that far) that meets in the botanical gardens (and I sort of know where that is!)!

That sounds like a keeper.

THANKS Tina! I'll look into it!


That Yank

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 8:40am
Great suggestion and of course no offense taken!

There probably is a bit of jealousy in me at Charlie spending so much time with his AA... I have to work on that.

The reason I haven't done AlAnon yet is two-fold. First, the only local meeting is on Tuesday nights from 8 to 9 at the Lutheran Church. Charlie's AA is from 8:30 to 9:30 at the Episcopal Church on the other side of town. So there is a logistical problem with transportation -- I simply do not want to be waiting for a half-hour or more AFTER the meeting for him to pick me up (I suspect they lock up the church building when the meeting is over, so I would have to wait outside, and the weather simply doesn't permit that, IMO). I do enough waiting at exercise class, etc. So when I get my license (soon, I hope - I've decided to take refresher lessons before actually taking the driving test) and a car (OH dear - more $$$ --- Charlie is interested in a Toyota Matrix), then ...

The second is that two of his AA "friends", neither of whom I particularly like, have been PUSHING AlAnon -- and I tend to push back when someone pushes me! (A character flaw -- especially since his counselor, whom I respect, also recommended AlAnon.) Each recommended it -- and then the next time they saw me, pushed hard as to why I wasn't at the meeting the very next night! And the next time -- and the next time, until I finally told each to back off. I mean -- not even a chance to think about it -- I was supposed to do WHAT they said, when they said -- because if *their* wives felt they benefited, so would I. I worked for two men like that once - each of whom felt they *knew* women because they *knew * their wives and therefore we were all alike... (One of them was really surprised when his wife went into local politics without his approval!), so what was good for them was good for ALL women! AAARRRGH! Anyway, since I don't like either one of these men, I'm not willing to take the chance on liking their wives either at this time (selfish motives -- IF I liked the wives, I would feel obliged to socialize, and then these awful husbands would be in my life as well...) -- and I certainly don't want to do what one of them suggested, which was to call his wife and get a ride in with her. Puleese!

SO, my stubborn nature has kept me away from AlAnon, and probably will until I have my own car and can pick the meeting I want to go to, if any.

Anyway, back to the suggestion -- taking stitchng along would be a good idea and I will keep that in mind.


That Yank