Debate vs Bashing

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Debate vs Bashing
657
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 2:54pm

LG wrote in the "Why Women Stay When Men Stray" thread: Hey, I am all for someone not wanting to broach a topic on this board, whether it is too personal, rubs you wrong or would give out TMI, but that is the time, IMO, to ignore the topic, not throw out the arguement, "it's my business" and expect to call it debating.

ITA! I am new here and have been lurking the past few days - doing lots of catch up reading. I realize you all have lots of history with each other, but there is too much bashing and too little debate going on here with many threads going way OT. Example: asking Hope, ad nauseum, about something personal she's obviously reluctant to answer; having a link deleted because it had TIES to a FORMER ku klux klan leader (I admit I was thrown by that for a minute until I actually read the article and learned that he is reformed and now an evangelist); posting the link to begin with when it was obviously a personal attack against a debater.

I'm wondering how many other lurkers out there have an opinion, but are afraid to weigh in because they don't want to get skewered. Don't you all think everyone, be they a BS, WS or AP, deserve to voice their opinions here. This is a debate board after all. (Not talking to everyone here - Jemmie, I think you are an angel.)

Psalms 25:4-5

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 3:59pm

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ITA!....BUT...

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Sure ya can, Label. Heck, that sounds like a fairly good defense compared to some of the defenses people use. Now, it may not get you out of a ticket...but it could definately be used as a defense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 5:12pm
You're right, LG. I can USE it as my defense but it probably wouldn't work. My perception was wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 8:16pm

I just wanted to jump in here about some posters "hiding" which side they are on (and yes, you ARE on a "side" because the side just means coming from either a OW/xOW/BS standpoint).

>>Until people KNOW what I am, they can't make any judgements about me so that is what has everyone's panties in such a wad. I don't want people making judgements about me based on which "side" I am on because I don't consider myself to be on any side.<<

It's not really about judgement to me. For me it's like this. I'm a BS. I've never been an OW, I don't know what thats like, I don't know how they feel or what they go through. So if I came to this board and hid which side I was from, refusing to answer it and started talking about "well OW feel this way and I think their thought process is this." The fact is, my opinion holds no merit, 1 because I refuse to share my side and second because I'm a BS. There is no way I could know how an OW feels or thinks. So when you hide it and start talking about your feelings on A's and the "sides" in them it seems to hold no merit because we don't know if you've been there so how would you know?

Is this making sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 11:26pm

Is this making sense? It does to me.

WeThrive
WeThrive
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 11:53pm

>>>>because I am going through peri-menopause and was doing some research and found an ivillage article.<<<<

PS, I'll email you on this subject ;>)PERI MENOPAUSE that is

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 5:19am

Yes, I agree that veiled attacks are bashing too. I can't go into details of the incidents I was talking about, so perhaps I shouldn't have brought it up. I was just so incensed at the unjustice of one person being picked on when others who had done the same thing managed to get away with it.

But two wrongs don't make a right so and I have to agree with your arguments. The rules should be applied evenly and everyone should read them and abide by them.

Yes there are many ways to bash, and veiled attacks can be used very effectively to upset people.

Dot

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 6:49am

well said Id :)

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 7:43pm
I thought it was post script with a bunch of numbers after it. Like P.S. Linds rules. Now THAT makes sense to me! We call psalms psalms and there are no PS # schools in utah that I know of! Ha!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 8:10pm

well, i'm a lurker, i've been lurking for a while trying to read all the old posts with a special focus on hot topics over 100 posts.

i don't know if you know this or not, but you get a bunch of views not just from people in an affair, or victims of affair partners, but from people fascinated by those who engage in that type of behavior.

after reading through several pages, i feel like i know many of you or at least the beginnings of knowing some of you and that may be why i decided to weigh in on this one.

it seems to me, that an "affair debate" is an exercise in futility. its akin to debating aids; no one can possibly say that getting aids is good. however you can discuss affairs, and that seems to be more of what this board is about, discussion.

as far as bashing, i see it occasionally but i don't think it is what keeps us lurkers from posting. affairs are a highly personal topic and though there are many of you brave souls out there posting away about your family issues or your issues with other peoples' families, i just don't think that the majority of lurkers feel comfortable giving that info. we live vicariously through you. post vicariously through you.

my 2cents anyhow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 8:44pm

There's so much to debate! It's not just a case of trying to decide whether affairs are right or wrong. What makes people have/forgive affairs; how best to support BSs trying to cope with an affair, and APs trying to end an affair; the merits of counseling; whether cheats can ever change; and who is most to blame are just a FEW of the MANY affair issues that could evoke varied views, which could lead to challenges and disagreements. As long as those challenges are put forward respectfully and constructively, then it's a debate. If not, it's a bashing-session.

Kayla xox

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