Were you a topic at AP house or secret?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Were you a topic at AP house or secret?
51
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 1:00pm

Some men do not choose to talk about OW. They keep that life separate and secret from the wife.


Some men come home from work and sit down and discuss conversations that they had with other woman with the wife. (They put it in terms of coworker friendship.)


Which one was your affair partner and why do you think they chose to do one or the other?


My husband is one who would come home and discuss conversations that he had with the other woman about her life. He would sit at my table, eat the meal that I prepared

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 7:53pm
My H never talked about anyone else, but I remember reading that if you suspect your H has a thing for someone or is heading for or in an affair, that he will often drop this woman's name in conversation to you. I think often times he is thinking about her and dropping her name without even thinking or realizing it. Like after a wife finds out about an EA or PA, that she can think back and recall that her H has mentioned this woman more than once to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 10:32am

You are probably right it is more related to my husbands thought processes than anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 1:28pm

FDW

I think a lot of it has to do with how obsessed your spouse is with AP. If there is a strong obsession, there will be a strong urge to want to always talk about that person to someone. Some spouses may be perceptive enough not to talk about the AP to their spouse. The only thing my H ever said that I never thought twice about was "What is our neighbors last name" because (and I did not know this of course) he wanted to do an e mail look up for her. You know they have those sites like spokeo where you can put in a persons name and get an e mail addy for them. I told him the last name and never even thought of asking WHY he asked for it. So technically I was the one that gave him the info to find her e mail addy and start e mailing her. DUH
So that was my one and only clue, and I did not pick up on anything. Now that I think back I should have though because he has never asked or been concerned about a neighbors last name before.
Anyhow, I too am curious as to how many spouses name dropped the AP name at home, before the A was discovered?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 5:19pm

Hi FDW -


Well, I'm not sure my answer and perspective on this is exactly what you were looking for - but here goes.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:02pm

tgrbabe,


Thanks for answering.


It looks as if you were flown in under the radar through the games that you played on line. She probably thought it harmless fun.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 8:28pm

Boy it sure is a kick in the tail when you realized you aided them in their affair. I too did things to be nice that aided my husband in his pursuit. He asked me to go on vacation with this woman and her boyfriend. I told him that I would rather go just the two of us . He pointed out halving the cost and it would mean alot to him. Right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 9:06pm

FDW

I know what you mean. It really hurts to know that he used the info that I gave him to find her e mail. So smug and deceptive that was. It must really hurt for you to think back at him giving you that store list with HER favorite foods, and you going to the store and picking out all that stuff, not knowing it was for HER benefit. I guess a BIG RED FLAG should have gone up when SQEAKY said "not to worry about the cost" hey. You know there are other things that happened with his other EAS too that dawned on me after all this came out. But if I sit and think about them I just get angry, so I try not to and hope that all this cwap is behind us now. I honestly could not handle another EA and hope that if he EVER develops feelings for someone else again that he would be man enough to be honest with me and just ask for a divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 7:48am

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 9:48am

I did not talk with my former H about my AP, mostly because we didn't talk at all during the end of our marriage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 12:05pm

Sounds like you and ex-H had trouble communicating toward the end.

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