Why was it okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2010
Why was it okay?
21
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 3:28pm

Why was it okay for you to disrespect me? Why was it okay to take advantage of my wife's insecurities for your own personal validation?

For the record and regardless of how you feel, you never had any power over me. I am stronger than you in spirit and character.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: ddays3
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 2:40pm
And then I met a man who was capable of gaining and retaining my attention, he pursued me, and because of where I was at in my marriage I was more vulnerable to being pursued.

I'm not saying what I am doing is right or justified, or sustainable.

 

Malia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: ddays3
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 1:06am

Wow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: ddays3
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 1:49pm

Was your reply to Justlivin? Because up to now she is the only WS on the thread. Ddays3

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
In reply to: ddays3
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 10:46am
Exactly! If you were so unhappy in your marriage and you kept asking and asking your H and he did nothing about it why didn't you just leave him? Cheating is a sin, period. Even if you don't want to leave because of the kids which is totally understandable you should have said to your H "Hey, if you don't give me what I need, I'm gonna go and find it somewhere else. Consider yourself warned." Then it's out there and not behind his back. So, don't fool yourself. You are a cheater. ANd there's no way back from that side.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
In reply to: ddays3
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 6:19am
...I agree with the shifting blame idea...I can't think of a bigger hindrance to building a better relationship or personal happiness (other than a spouse that doesn't want to work on a marriage) than shifting blame...shifting blame allows someone to stay in a relationship (after all, it wasn't just the fault of the cheating spouse...he/she was pursued...or, any other number of reasons/excuses)...but, the anger at the spouse will stay and come out in other ways...as soon as I hear someone say..."oh, I hold my spouse responsible, but..."...I know that shifting blame is taking place...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2010
In reply to: ddays3
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 3:52pm
Your question would best be directed to your spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
In reply to: ddays3
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 4:09pm

That's a very good question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: ddays3
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 10:32am

My AP and I have discussed what we would say if our spouses found out...


Hey, my husband has similar discussions with the OW he had an affair with!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: ddays3
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 7:58pm
The question I have is "why if you felt he refused to so disrespectfully meet your needs, did you not ask him for a divorce instead if having an affair?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
In reply to: ddays3
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 12:31am

I remember my AP saying early in our A that he would like to have a conversation with my H to remind him what he has, cuz he clearly forgot.