Have you run into or know men like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Have you run into or know men like this?
2
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:29pm

Im not here to criticize just to comment about a cousin I have and his lifestyle, which I find it very odd for a man of his age. I have a cousin who is 37 yrs old. He is still single, never married, no kids and he still lives in his parent’s house. The house is a very humble simple house; they are just average people that struggle everyday to earn money. My cousin works, her mom works babysitting her niece’s daughter. My cousin’s father left the house when he was still a teenager, because he had a bad temper, bad character. They never heard from him but his father always yelled at them, treat them bad so my cousins never were fond of his own father. So my aunt was the one taking care of her 2 sons after the father left. So while my cousins were growing up both sons started to work very young in order to support all of them that is why they both never went to college, they just finished high school and that was it because they could not afford to pay college.

As the time went by the youngest son, found a gf, had a baby with her and now he lives with her and his 2 children, they are not married though, and they are low-middle class family, just like my aunt and his son. So the remaining cousin the oldest one still lives at home with his mom. This particular cousin (the oldest one) inherited his father temper and character, he is temperamental he is always defensive and gets upset quickly for littlest things that make him upset, I mean he is not a hitter, is just his character that it is temperamental, he inherited that from his father. Now, he is 37yrd and he has never had a girlfriend before, never dated either in his life, not because he cant, is just because he does not want, he is not that kind of gay who looks to have a gf or anything like that. I mean because he is kind of an “antisocial” person for what I gather. I clarify he is not gay, it is he is like that. He does not seem to like to have friends. Could it be because of his temperamental behavior?

He also doest not have friends anywhere, not in the neighborhood, not former classmates from high school, not anywhere. He currently works but in each workplace he has worked before, he has not made friendships with anyone in order to get out to have drinks, go to bars, to have fun for being a single guy, to enjoy life a little bit, he is not that kind of guy and he seems he does not want to get married ever. On the weekends since he never goes out with acquaintances or friends, he loves to stay home watching TV, watching DVD movies, and surf the internet. My aunt told me those are like his vices, he enjoys doing that every weekend that is why he always is buying new stuff (accessories) for his TV, DVD, computer and he is making a DVD movie collection. Most of his salary he spends it on his stuff and less on personal clothes and little to the house.

Are there men like that? Don’t you find this strange?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 9:17pm

You made a good point where you said that " find it hard to find fault with someone of any age still living at home, why? Parents are family, family is love, why leave? Now I know one could argue that its immature to stay at home, but some of us don't feel comfortable being alone much or we simply don't want it".

Many people are stranged when even a 24 yrd old still lives at home and they say they are still mom and dad´s boy or girl and they will never grow up if a person still lives at home at certain age and not become independent. Have you noticed that? I think all depends also where the person comes from, culture how that person was raised, etc Also that depends if you can or cannot afford to buy or even rent an apartment on your own and also all the expenses that come by living by yourself, even if that person earns money, is not so easy. There people who cannot do that and still live at home with their parents, because they get free almost everything, lodging, food, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:52pm

Hi starlettos,
Welcome to the board.

I don't find the man you describe to be strange. Not at all. Each of us comes from our own situation, and with that comes our own baggage and our own likes and dislikes. I find it hard to find fault with someone of any age still living at home, why? Parents are family, family is love, why leave? Now I know one could argue that its immature to stay at home, but some of us don't feel comfortable being alone much or we simply don't want it. I find no fault in that he still lives at home and has no girlfriend. Sometimes people find it hard to get out there, sometimes they are shy or sometimes they just feel like they don't fit in. I try to not be quick to judge.

Maybe he is happy living the way he does, the only thing I would say is strange is if he isn't happy, then maybe he needs some help to do the things that would make him happy. Does that make sense? Not all of us like to leave our family. Especially when theres been divorce or lots of moving or turmoil. It makes sense to stay where it is comfortable.

 

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