would you say this is too much already..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
would you say this is too much already..
5
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 11:00pm

we just got an email about a gift for dh s mother. they want to buy it and give it to her where we are going for vacation.we will be told the cost we have to pay, when we get there.
now we are far ....FAR from being financially sound.lets say his ex and my ex and years of court battles,child support, my sons accident (me haveing to stay home),and loosing our house.we are a strapped one income family.

his moms b-day, his sis in laws,and probably a gift for sis in laws anniversary.we have bought for the sil and mom already(we were warned a week ago to buy for them)

now we have enough for the trip, if dh work steady till then.we are tenting it because gass is too expensive.

now it may not seem like much but we also have three b-days this month too.

now nobody ever wishes me a bday, much less a card.we never got even one card at our wedding.three cards when our son almost died.there are 11 brothers and sisters.

now for moms gifts or dads or anniversaries or xmas the always ask for at least $100 a family, and extra 10 per kid and spouse, ect. you get the picture.that would be an extra $90 we are expected to cover.

we already bought gifts and i told them that.last time they told us too bad here is your portion.

we just cant do it anymore.dh wants to see who all is going now.if certain ones are going, we might not.some of them bring nothing and mooch all week.they will even go into your stuff and help themselves.this will be way too stressful.if the few we heard of before are just going, then fine.the kids and i dont need to be treated like crap, like some of them will.

8 days to go and we dont know what we are doing now.

glenda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 12:30am
Hi Glenda,
Tough call for sure.
Wow on them treating you so rudely & now asking for this.
Guess you could look at it like you don't want to be at their level & do it.
Perhaps tell them you'll contribute half of what they ask since you have other things going on.
Just some thoughts.
No doubt others will have some input for you.
Do let us know what you decide :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 5:40am

WOW! I wouldn't put up with that. I would suggest that you tell the the family that you have already purchased the gift and/or spent what money you can afford. They should understand that.

But you said they don't even acknowledge you and your family in other ways, so don't expect them to understand.

If you can't afford it and don't want people mooching off of you, don't go! Or go, but keep your stuff under very tight lock and key.

Big hugs to you and your family!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 10:59am

I'd be inclined to not go, & take your own affordable vacation elsewhere. But maybe you don't feel that you can do that. If you "have" to chip in to the big gift, can you return what you already bought?

You have to stand up to these folks some day, or the rest of your lives will be like this. It could relly damage your kids to be treated the way you've said before that they treat them.

Katz
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 12:48pm
it may not seam like much, but dh insists that i buy locks for the tents.i dont think that they would go as far as to cut them.I hope.you see at first it was to be our family and a couple of others. that is all.we were phoned and invited, most of the others invited themselves.
the brother we are visiting moved this far away years ago to get away from the family.we all get along, and i dont think they even want some of the others there.
in the begining the parents werent even to go.now everyone has to worry about who will drive there car there.they wont ride with anyone else.his father can be a real ass.he is king and makes everyone else serve him.
dh will try to phone again tonight to see who is going. we may go later to avoid some of them.
i guess i will have to wait for the call tonight to see what will happen.
glenda
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:05pm

i know dh has to stand up to them. if i say anything it will all be my fault again.

dh and i were disgussing this last night and realized that in almost 10 years we havent even bought each other a xmas gift for each other.i know these people are there parents, and family, but it isnt easy for us.

there are three kids that cant afford a thing.tell me why the ones that have so much dont help more.we actually have bussines owners and millionares in the family.

the one bday we had to buy for was back in april.but they are having a party for her now.

dh wants to see if the get together will actually be to celibrate the new wedding and ours.dh says if not ours we will walk and he will tell his family off.his one sis is the one who likes to keep the pot stirred.she was constantly telling others that you cant be unmarried and sleeping together and near the parrents.she is gay and lives for years now with her woman.she also harrassed my dh at the hospital(while my son was in a coma), about paying more child support to his ex(who by the way owned her own business).she had him crying.also took dh for a walk at a family anniversary to list my kids wrong doings(it was other kids that had done what she said my kids did. i saw them do it).
she is the parents fav and they will take her side every time. if she goes , we wont.

i hope for his sake the do as promised.if not our holiday will already be ruined.
lets see what happens tonight on the phone.

glenda

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