Hope these will give you a good chuckle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Hope these will give you a good chuckle.
5
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 2:55pm

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have
>> her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
>> lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
>> Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in
>> the wrong one.
>> Submitted by Dr.Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
>>
>> 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
>> elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
>> "Big breaths," I instructed.
>> "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
>> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>>
>> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
>> that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
>> Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
>> rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>>
>> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
>> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
>> trouble with one of his medications.
>> "Which one?" I asked.
>> "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
>> hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
>> I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
>> see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
>> instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
>> new one.
>> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>>
>> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
>> "How long have you been bedridden?"
>> After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for
> ;> about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
>> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>>
>> 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast
>> this morning?"
>> "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
>> get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see
>> the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
>> Jelly."
>> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>>
>> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
>> with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
>> variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It
>> was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
>> so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
>>
>> When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,the
>> staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above
>> it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
>>
>> Once the surgery was completed,the surgeon wrote a short note on
>> the patient's dressing, which said,"Sorry,had to mow the lawn."
>> Submitted by RN no name
>>
>> AND FINALLY!!!................
>>
>> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
>> embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
>> embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
>> softly.
>>
>> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
>> suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked
>> up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
>> you?"
>>
>> She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was the
>> TV commercial's, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
>>
>> Dr. wouldn't submit his name.

--

Von.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 3:25pm
Those are great Von,
Appreciate the laugh .. needed that today :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 10:49pm
the patch one still gets me!! the jelly is just gross :O) thanks for the chuckle
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 7:12am
and they did give me a good chuckle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 9:13am
Oh my gosh! They're hilarious! I like the grass one.

 

 Katz

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 4:50pm

One morning a young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order. "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights," said the truck driver.

Bewildered the waiter goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store. Look at what he ordered!"

The cook says, "He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up."

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker. The trucker looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"

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There's the sad story