Simply babbling

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Simply babbling
14
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:40am

You know that feeling when you have children, when you look at them and imagine all the joys that they will bring to you and your family.


We all wish the best for our kids and simply want them to grow into productive people. But because we are a selfish kind, as they get older you start thinking about what their wedding will be like, the thought of grandkids, how great the holidays will be with everyone at home celebrating, etc.


At the end of 2004 while DH was deployed I started having trouble with DD, she just became angry and withdrawn, by the middle of 2005 I was called to the school because she needed medical care. Come to find out DD had become a cutter and had cut too deeply this time. She started going to counceling but that just didn't seem to do a lot of good. After the deployment DH was stationed here at Ft. Benning where we arrived in June of last year. DD seemed to get a bit better with the change and her cutting had stopped for a while.


At the beginning of May, DD attempted suicide and was in ICU. By the grace of God she survived and has been in counceling and started medication for Bipolar. We have learned that the reason behind everything was her pain and self loathing because she's gay and didn't want her family to osterisize her becuase she's disgusting and a freak.


I love my daughter will all my heart and accept her regardless, but to be honest I'm a little lost at this point. I've lost those dreams of grandkids, her dad walking her down the aisle, her prom date, etc. I know these where my dreams and not hers, but I'm still hurt. I realize I will have to learn a new way of thinking, but it's still so new that I have my ups and downs. I have moments that I know everything will be fine and it could be worse, she could be a drug addict, criminal, etc. But then I have those moments of loss.


Don't really know why I wrote this, just felt like venting. I know there are Gay and Lesbian sites here on ivillage but they are mainly geared toward the person themselves, not the family members learning to adjust. If I've offended anyone I apologize, just needed to babble a bit...


(((hugs)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 10:47am

I did find out about PFLAG from one of the Gay and Lesbian board. I'm hoping to make the June meeting about an hour and a half from me. My daughter is very excited about me going and taking the time to understand.


You made some very good points and things I suppose I really needed to hear from others because although I know these things myself, I just feel lost and in a fog.


I love Krys and will always regardless, but as you stated it was more of a disappointment for my own dreams than hurt by her actions. She's a good kid and very loving which I feel blessed for. We've been talking more since she

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-1997
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 11:46am

LOL, even if you had a traditional wedding, there's no guarantee you'd have photos!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 12:51pm

Mickey,
I have one thing to say..you are an amazing Mom!
I have scanned some of the posts to you and your replies. I love how everyone has suggestions for you and support.
I am not a mom, and can't begin to know how you and your family are feeling, DD included. But I agree that you can still have all the things that you dreamed of for your daughter.
She needs your support and can't change how she feels. It's not as thought she decided to prefer women to men. It's awesome that you want to go to the support group and it's fantastic that DD is happy to see you trying to understand her.
I think it's important for you both to try to understand eachother and communicate. Don't be afraid to talk to her and hopefully she'll also share her feelings with you. She needs you right now.
Keep being the awesome mom that you are. Don't forget to tell yourself that! You ARE a GREAT mom and a GREAT support to your family.
You and your family have a lot of growing to do together, but you'll get through it and grow in love and strength.
Keep up the great work!

((hugs))
Johanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 9:47pm

{{{{mickey}}}}

i am sorry she felt she had to go it alone for a bit. i hope her counseling & meds are working for her. also that she realizes you all love her just the same.

i had a brother who was gay. he passed away last year. he had girl friends he took out and we even double dated at the prom. he kept the rest a secret for years. it took into his adult life to tell our parents the truth. us 3 older sibs knew the others had a hunch. mom and dad were blinded to it all. of course mom was mad because none of us told her. even after all that he was still thom and we loved him dearly to the end.
take care of yourself. don't be too hard on yourself. she still your little girl who needs you more now. i wish you all the best
you will find here that you can vent away without apology. you'll get lots of comfort and kind thought & wwords from everyone here.

many hugs

pat




Edited 6/2/2006 10:11 pm ET by sportymom14

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