Sunday Funnies!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Sunday Funnies!!
2
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 4:29pm

>Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."

>>The other day, my husband and I bought our small son a jigsaw to keep him occupied while we went out. Imagine our surprise when, four hours later, we came back to find that he had cut his fingers off!!

>>This woman decides to buy a self-assembly cupboard. Back home she reads the instructions carefully and assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really neat. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses. Not daunted by this she re-reads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Then, another train passes and the whole cupboard collapses again. Thinking that she must have done *something* wrong she re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses yet again. Now, she's finally fed up with this and calls the customer service deparment. She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a technician to have a look. The technician arrives and assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the technician decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse. At this point, the woman's husband comes home, sees the cupboard, and says: "That's a nice looking cupboard". He opens it, sees the man, and says What the hell are you doing in there?"
The technician says: "You won't believe me, but I'm standing here waiting for a train".

>>A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. "thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes the noise from the mental hospital wards.
The mans curiosity gets the better of him, and he searches for a hole in the security fence. Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.
Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye. As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues "fourteen fourteen fourteen!"

>>A woman gets on bus and immediately becomes involved in an argument with the driver after he calls her baby ugly, she pays her fare and storms off to get a seat

A man asks "What's the matter, love?" "It's that bloody driver, he insulted my baby" she replies.
"Ok" says the man "You go down there and sort him out and I'll look after the monkey!".

>>Customer: I'd like a pair of stockings for my wife.
Storekeeper: Sheer?
Customer: No, she's at home.

>>There was me and my brother, in this cottage in the country, all on our own in the dead of night. My brother said, 'What was that noise? I thought I heard an owl.'
I said, 'You probably did. I stepped on the dog's paw.'

>>Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.

>>Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards.
Just sit there and I'll deal with you in a minute.

>>Policeman: 'When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, "Forty-five at least".'
Woman motorist: 'Well, I always look older in this hat.'

>>A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
he stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Von.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 5:11pm
Thank you for the funnies!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 5:22pm
Those are great Von,
Thanks for the smile today :)

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