trying to survive an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
trying to survive an affair
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 1:05pm
I recently found out that my husband has been having an emotional affair with his cousins wife. My husband says that they were not physical, but he shared imtimate details about our marriage and my health to her. She is harassing me with phone calls and having her husband come over to my home to relay her demands. My husband regrets the affair, but he has not repented. I am living moment to moment, up and down, praying, and searching for inner healing. I am trying not to focus on the betrayal,or the betrayer and do as Christ did at his betrayal. It is so hard and I am tried, no sleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 2:25pm
Bless your heart! There are a few boards that can help you through this-

Betrayed Spouses Support

Healing After Betrayal

and for Christian support in this matter, I'd like to invite you to visit the board I am a co-leader on, Christian Parenting-

There is a member experienced with what you are feeling, and you'll find wonderful spiritual support there. ((((((((hugs))))))))))

Take care,


You can find me on my blog:
I'd love to "see" you there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sat, 04-26-2003 - 11:55am
You know what Mary. Here is a great big hug for you. I just know that when things seem so hopeless you feel you cannot go on just remember Phillipians 4:13. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Let Go and let God do the miracle in your life.

Have a good day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 4:21am

Emotional pain is by far the most difficult thing to deal with. What does your heart say??? As long as you still loves him, you can never let him go. The day you let him go will be the day that he walk out the door by himself and you have no choice but to let him go.

I have a friend whom husband is having a second affair lately. she told me few days ago and you know what, I never ask her to give him up because I know deep down, she loves him so much and she is trying to find another solution besides getting a divorce.

The question becomes, how much do you know him?? Do you think he will change??? Most man come back to their legal wife after an affair. (it's true) Are you willing to wait?? There is no right or wrong answer. If you choose to wait, who knows, maybe after this experience he'll realised that he can never find another relationship as good as what he has with you now. What if it still doesn't work out, what's the worst??? Most importantly, let him know what he is doing is not okay. You will give him time because you love him. BUT, he needs to grow up and get wiser soon.

As for you, don't push yourself too hard. It takes time and patience before you can figure out what you can do. Really, there is no right or wrong answer. You know what, I bet your husband does not know what the hell he's doing. He needs time to figure out what is wrong and what just happened. Whatever you decide, it's your life and you have to face whatever that lies ahead.

Talk to you again.


Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 9:04pm
I feel so sorry for you. I know what you are going through. My husband had an emotional affair with one woman, maybe more. He is defensive, saying, why can't I have women friends? I feel as violated as if he had sex. We were having a hard time getting along. He was pretending to be trying marriage counseling. I feel deceived and used. If what he was doing was ok, why did he work so hard to hide it? I talked to this woman's husband. (He called me.) Both cheating spouses said the same thing. "I had to lie, because you would have over-reacted" They blame us!

I read some advice on a web site. The cheaters expect you to trust them again. They have to prove that they can be trusted! They have to want to prove it to you! Ask for complete honesty. Insist on being shown phone bills, credit card bills. Insist on frequent phone calls. If they have nothing to hide, they should be glad to prove it to you. I did not do this and I was deceived a second time.

Another thing I learned on the web site is that cheaters typically lie when caught. They stick by their lies even when it is extremely obvious that they can't possibly be telling the truth. In the next stage, they refuse to discuss it. Does this sound like your husband's reaction?

Why is this woman and her husband harassing you? It seems that part of your story is missing.

Good luck.