falling in love with a married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
falling in love with a married man
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 11:56pm

My husband past over a year ago and although i still miss him a lot, I am feeling like I need a man in my life, a partner, a lover and a friend.

I met someone that I always liked (as a friend and brother), someone that I feel is a good match with me, he makes me laugh and every time I hear his voice, I become happy. He makes me happy. Even if he calls to just say hello. I think I am starting to fall in love with him but he is married. He is seperated from his wife but not legally divorced. The biggest problem is that he is my brother in law. I KNOW, WHAT AM I THINKING RIGHT? He is the brother of my late husband and I never felt this way about him before. I mean, i was totally in love with my husband and since his death, my brother in law has been amazing. He always checks up on me, asks me if i need anything, confides in me with his problems and just lately, i feel like he is flirting with me. He tells me how good i look and stares at me when i look hot.

His wife has been nothing but nice to me. I do consider her family and  a friend and this is why I will never pursue anything with him. I mean, I have lunch and sometimes coffee with this woman. She is so sweet. Not even after they divorce, if they do. However, I think about him often. Do you think that maybe I am feeling the things I do because he reminds me of my husband so much? I mean, they are blood relatives and maybe I want to believe that by being with him, I will be recreating a relationship that was familiar with me in the pass?

What are your opinions? What if my feelings about him liking me are true but he will not try anything cause is scared of how i will react? What if he kisses me; should i let it be and kiss back even though i know it is wrong?

Avatar for cmerin
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 12:18pm
Hi and welcome!

I'm sorry for your loss and for the situation you are in. Your best bet would be to check out our affair support board. While I know you are just in the thinking phase, the board would be of great help.

You may also want to stop by our Bereavement & Healing board. I know you said it's been over a year, but somehow I think the affair feelings and healing are connected.

Best of luck to you!

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