Let's put the relationship on hold

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Let's put the relationship on hold
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 11:59am

I have been with the same partner for five years.  We got married last October 2008.

For the last three years he has the fantasy that of me having sex with him and another man. He can not stop about it, looks for swingers clubs.  Even though I do not agree to it, I try to do it to make him happy.

The fantasy has progressed and now he wants couples.  Full swap. I can not stand looking at him having sex with another woman, or seeing how he is pursuing another woman.

I have been trying all these years to do the other man and in some occasions the couples but it's very difficult to me.

Last Friday, he invited to the house one man that we have seen in several occasions for sex.  When we started, I was kissing him, and touching him.  Not my husband.  He got angry and when we got in bed with us did not get it up.  He was very upset.  He was complaining that I am just want to have sex with other man and he's going to look for woman that makes him happy. I got angry and move to another room to sleep. 

The following day he told me that he needs space and asked me to stay in the other room for a while.  He needs to think if he really wants to be with me.

I feel insulted. After I have at least try to do what he wants to make him happy, now he got jealous, and put our relationship on hold. 

I moved to a second floor, we talk very little and barely see each other.

I'm having thoughts of leaving him.  After all this time, and everything I have done for him, he still needs time to see if he wants to be with me just because he got jealous of another man that he invited to the house, and asked me to have sex with.

Please help me.  I appreciate very much your advice


Avatar for cmpat
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 3:24pm

Hello and thank you for posting your question here. I'm going to give you a couple of links to message boards where you'll find support for your dilemma...

This link to our Love Channel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 4:20pm

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I've just replied to your post over on Ask Mr. Answer Man, and I think you may find help if you repost this over on Sex Taboos - members in their Open Relationships folder are well versed on what can happen after introducing sex partners into a marriage, and I'm sure they'll also have some great advice for you.