Hurt and Abused

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2009
Hurt and Abused
2
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 2:13am
I am so hurt and feeling so alone.  I have been with a guy for 9 years.  We have 1 child, a son.  When we first me we did everything together.  Before we moved together he wanted to see me every nite.  He took me out, we went out to dinner, he called me daily.  Then we moved together.  We both had some bad habits that I won't go into but we stuck together.  In the 9 years we have broken up about 4 times.  We were still in love.  So we got back together.  Each time we broke up I got my own place and then he would always ask to get back with me and I would let him move in.  He is a hard worker and makes a good salary so he is not with me for a place to stay, he can afford more than I can.  When we broke up each time and from the time we first got together I have never cheated on him and never been intimate with anyone even when we have broken up.  I have always been independent before I got with him so I never needed anyone to take care of me.  Over the years he has been abusive to me mentally.  He has stayed out and not called.  Over the years we have had arguments because I tell him its disrespectful to do this.  I have asked what time he is coming home and I have told him it's disrespectful to not tell your mate this.  He says its control and I am trying to control him.  We constantly argue about this.  He says if I trust him i wouldnt worry about what time he comes home or what he is doing.  I feel if he loves me he wouldn't do this and I am not trying to control him.  When we met he was into valentines day, birthdays and the days that were special to me.  Now on my birthdays he stays gone.  When I complain he says I want to control him.  Now we are purchasing a home.  He said I could stop working and stay home.  I told him I wanted to work.  He drinks and is his mouth is very abusive.  I made alot of mistakes in the past with him and have appoligized.  He feels he has done nothing wrong in the 9 yrs we have been together.  He does not take me anywhere or spend time with me and when I complain he says I want him to do what I want him to.  I tell him I think couples should do things together.  He never calls ever in the day, I never know what time he is coming home and am afraid to ask.  I do love him still but can't live like this.  Now he says he doesnt love me because of the things, my mistakes I made in the past.  When I leave to go somewhere I come back and he is gone and will not answer his phone.  He comes and goes when he pleases and says that he goes no where.  He feels I should get out during the day while our child is at school but yet he enjoys the company of his friiends at nite and this he says is because he works.  I want to stay together but it is getting impossible.  He comes in and gives me the silent treatment from the time he comes in til the time he goes to bed.  He drinks, he puts all the blame of all our problems on me.  When he is at fault he blames it on me.  He has never appologized for anything he has done in 9 years.  When he stays out til whatever time he wants to he says I am wrong for complaining.  I know there is someone else out there for me.  I am afraid that if we break up I will regret it.  I tell him I just want to spend quality time with him.  When I make plans with him he leaves and says he forgot we made plans.  I stay depressed and don't have but 1 friend and never have anyone to do anything with.  If I want to do anything with him I find myself asking if he has plans first and he always says no.  I have no visitors because I don't know anyone.  When his friends come over he ignores me and talks and laughs with them, gets up and leaves with them and never says bye and I never know when he is coming back and then if I say anything it starts an argument because I questioned him.  If im out he will never call me to see when I am coming home.  He claims he loves me but not in love with me.  He is nasty to me.  Help, can I find someone else and not regret leaving this relationship.  I want a home of my own and right now have bad credit and no job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: lost222
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 9:47am

((((HUGS)))) and I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. You might try reposting this message on one of the following boards, which I think you'll find very useful:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2009
In reply to: lost222
Fri, 05-01-2009 - 2:25am
Oh by the way this is lost222.