My husband told me he had a crush...
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|Wed, 08-12-2009 - 5:11pm|
My husband and I got it a fight one night and he spilled the beans that he had a crush on a co-worker, after I questioned him about having a crush another co-worker. I don't know why I asked, I really never imagined it to be true. We got in a fight over plans of hanging out with his co-workers. I have met this girl and her fiance a few times. He has been working there for a little over a year and was attracted to her right away. He said they would go up to the cafeteria for coffee once in awhile but that's really all the 1:1 time they spent together. They never went to lunch or did anything outside of work hours that I was not invited to. They never talked outside of work hours either. He said it was hard to avoid b/c they work together and see each other everyday. She was nice and friendly and gave him attention and was mainly a distraction. He said they didn't flirt or anything like that, it was just friendship and he put the other stuff in the back of his mind. He said he was never going to act on anything. I think it made him feel good that someone gave him attention, he always has felt like people don't like him and that he has no social skills. I just had a baby 4 months ago and he said it had nothing to do with that, it was just coincidental and nothing was wrong with our marriage. He said he never loved me less, only more. He never came home late, never acted strange, always included me in everything, he's an excellent husband and this is really out of his character. He said he thought about telling me about it awhile ago but didn't know how to say it and wasn't sure if he should. My reaction has been extreme. I think it might be due to the baby too. I feel hurt & betrayed. He feels so terrible about everything. He has gone above and beyond in explaining the whole situation to me (literally everyday questions from me, arranged counseling, trying his best to make me realize it was nothing more than a distraction and it was meaningless. He has written love letters, flowers, emails, he even said he would quit his job. He wants nothing more than to be with me and now says he realizes that he should've avoided all interaction with her in the first place. He says he has stopped all interaction that doesn't relate to work and the feelings have completely gone away. He feels like a terrible person to put everything on the line over nothing.
I know he means what he says and I know he's truly sorry, but for some reason, I just can't get over it. I focus on it all the time. I wish he never told me.
I'm so up and down about it. Sometimes I laugh and think "this is no big deal." We've been together for 7 years and this is the first time he's ever been attracted to another. And sometimes I think "wow, my husband was thinking of someone else." I was attracted to a co-worker before too. I turned off my emotions quickly, though. Maybe it's harder for guys.
Is this normal? Should he have kept this to himself? How do you get past this and move on to a trusting relationship again? How do I feel secure and confident in our relationship again?