Need some advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Need some advice...
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:31am

If you seen my post in Friday Free For All, you know that my brother and his girlfriend are living with us, expense free. If you didn't know that now you do :-)

We have given $100 that is to be repaid for a doctors appointment. GF has sezuires and if she doesn't have medicine its constant trips to the ER, so the doctors appointment is needed. I've writen checks that they are to repay so they didn't need to spend the money for a money order.

Her comes the problem. GF is buying unneeded items. Yesterday she packed a lunch, and even stopped by walmart to purchase Tofu, but still ordered a pizza for lunch. And not one slice, she brought pizza home. She also bought bottled vitamin water, and a monster and stuff to do her nails!!! Nothing against buying water, but we have bottled water here at the house she could of taken with him. And the kick to the water, it looks like three sips have been taken from it and the rest is in the fridge. The nails are NOT a nessecitiy, and I have nothing against someone doing them, if they don't owe Me/anyone money!!!!

Now I'll be honest, I'm PO'ed about it!!! We are giving them our earnings to help them (mostly my borther) get a new start. My brother, washes my car, does dishes, cooks, watches Carolynn, ect ect, but she sits on her ass when she is here!!! I'm just frusterated, and I really want to say something about buying the pizza/water/monster drinks/nail stuff.

So do I just come out and say it, and don't worry about pissing them off. My brother knows I'm upset with her about it, and so is he, as they need the money get an appartment!!! I'm kicking them out by the 4th!!! (it will have been 30 days by then, and that was our agreement) I just feel like GF thinks she gets a "free ride" and its really annoying. HELP!

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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 1:14pm
I think you and your husband should talk with your brother and his girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:39pm

Hi Vanessa,

This could be a good lesson for them. When someone borrows money or other support from family or friends, the people who give it have every right to take the borrower's inventory, which you are doing.

It was smart to give an end date. In the mean time, you can nicely say to your brother and his GF (I suggest together, like in a house meeting) that if they have money for "wants" (you might have to give a lesson in wants vs needs), then that is money they could have paid you back already. You can say all that with a lot of love and sympathy, and mostly, guidance.

If GF has ongoing medical issues, she needs to get her insurance set up somehow. Whether that is through a job or her parents, that must be her top priority. Also, a serious condition like that could easily blow through an emergency fund if she got a job and couldn't keep it. For example, even if she ended up getting disability coeverage, there would be a lag in between the job and the payments. They need to get an EF started.

They might say it is impossible, but nothing is impossible. A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.

What a rotten spot to be in. They probably feel bad about relying on you, too. Just keep your cool and keep thinking positive thoughts, instead of stewing on the negative things you've seen. How about: "I love my brother. I know he is smart and hardworking and can support himself." Tell him that, too!

Good luck!