Can't take it anymore!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Can't take it anymore!!!
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:23pm
I can't take this anymore, I just can't. I'm so depressed, I cry daily and just don't feel like I'm worth anything. My dh and I have so much debt and after paying the bills and what not we hardly have anything left to live on, I wanted to file b/k only because I couldn't take it anymore but dh was TOTALLY against it and still is. I'm a SAHM and looked for a job but found that what I would pay in daycare (2 kids), well I wouldn't bring home enough in a week to feed my family so that is out. I do watch one child, and that is around $100/week, but by god when you fall behind there is no way to get caught up, my phone rings all day long.....I just can't take it anymore, I'm SO sick!!! I do have good news, I do start a new job tomorrow, it's Friday nights and Saturday nights, the pay isn't good but it's a job......I'm not sure what to do anymore, dh keeps saying it'll be ok....etc, when all I do is feeling like running away. Thanks for letting me express my feelings!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:53pm
Take a deep breath! You can find a way out!

The first step always is to sit down and figure out where all your money is going. You may think you already know, or you may think this is a scary step, but I promise you will feel better when it's done. List all your bills, the *monthly* amounts and who they are paid to, first. Then list all your past due balances in another column, the amounts and who they are owed to. Next, start tracking every penny you spend--.50 on a candy bar, amounts on groceries, gas, and clothes for your kids. Everything! When you are done, you will probably be amazed at the "leaks" that you can patch. You'll also see, almost certainly, that there are things you can cut back on.

You'll feel so much more in control!

At this point, you'll also know exactly how much more money you need (or how much more you need to cut back) to make your ends meet. Your new job may be enough. It may not. But now you can take all this info to your dh and sit down with him. Don't be confrontational, but it is important that you *both* know the full situation and that you agree on a course of action. He may need to get a second job, take on more hours, or find some other form of income. You may be able to refinance a portion of your debt. At this point you can call your creditors and ask them to help you work out a payment plan. You will also, once that's done, be able to work out a repayment schedule for your past due amounts.

If it still seems insurmountable, you may want to go to a credit counselor. Some folks on this board should be able to give you advice about finding a good one (there are some real schmucks out there, so be careful!).

And if all else fails, you and your husband both will know if it's time for b/k, and you can agree to do it. BUT, most likely, it's not necessary and would be a very bad financial move. It's very rare that it's actually helpful. However, it *is* the right choice for a few people, and this plan will help you to see if it is for you.

Good luck. You can do this. And good job on getting the second job--I had to do the same thing. I, too, am a SAHM, and I work a second job waiting tables at night and on the weekends. It made all the difference for us, but only because we had a plan. We were over $30,000 in debt, my husband was working a job that paid 2/3 what he had been making a year before (a salary, in fact, that was less than our total debt) and that didn't come close to paying all our bills. Creditors were calling every day demanding their money and threatening me. I cried all the time and was so determined not to go the daycare route, but we just didn't know what to do. We sat down and worked out our plan so we knew exactly what was necessary to make things work. We refinanced our vehicle, sold some things on ebay, moved to a cheaper place to live, stopped paying into our 401k or Roth IRA or our son's college fund (painful but necessary), and I got a job to make up the deficit in our budget. Since November, we've paid off about $5500. Not much when you started out owing over $30000, but it's a big improvement over those awful, demeaning calls from creditors, and now we have a plan, a goal, and an estimated date of completion. Feels pretty good. Since then, dh has gotten a raise and now we can contribute to some of those funds we had had to pull back on. Feels really good to be able to put his raise to good use, instead of just treading water or blowing it on frivolity. We did this, and you can too.