When you manage $ better than family

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
When you manage $ better than family
2
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 1:30pm
Over the past year and a half, my husband and I have been on a very strict budget. We've managed to pay off everything except our house (926/mo) and my husband's truck (175/mo). Both of our family's are very aware of the sacrifices we have had to make to get as far as we have.

THE UPSIDE: We can afford to pay for anything we want in cash. In fact, we have a new swimming pool in layaway now and plan to have it paid off by summer. We are hoping to save up enough money to buy a new car - with cash - by the end of Fall 2003.

THE DOWNSIDE: Neither mine or my husband's family manages money very well. Both of my sister's, and my father live with staggering debt and live paycheck to paycheck. My husband's two brothers, sisters, and father, all have debt that is so out of proportion to their income, that they have trouble even living paycheck to paycheck. I'm sure all of you know where this is going.......Everyone comes to us asking to borrow money, most of which we never get back because "we can afford whatever we want". What they don't realize is that we have done our sacrificing, paid off our debt and are refusing to incur more debt, for any reason.

It is difficult because some of these family members have to go without medication or food unless we give them money.

If any of you are in this situation, please give me some advice.

Oh, the funny thing is - during the whole year and a half my husband and I were paying off debt, our family told us how "stupid" we were and that it is the "American way" to charge - HAHA - I guess we showed them, huh!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:39pm
My two cents worth: STOP lending money. I know it must be hard if family members are coming to you for money they need for medicine BUT if they hadn't spent their money elsewhere they would have it. Also, because they know they can come to you do you not think perhaps they over spend elsewhere because they have a safety net (you and DH)? If you say no a few times they will get the message. My youngest sister is a bit of a free loader but she would NEVER try to get money from me nor to stay with me (other than a short visit) etc because I will not let her take advantage of me in that way. Yes, I do help her out once in awhile BUT it is when I decide and when I have extra money. And you know what when she knows she cannot get extra money, food, etc from somewhere she always manages on her own. If she knows she can get money etc from someone (mostly my other sister who can't say no) whe will spend her money foolishly etc because she knows my sister or one of her friends will "help" her out.

I hope I don't sound too harsh but you do not have to have any responsibity for other's mismanagement of money. If you say no to medicine (I am not talking if it is a life or death situation) they will have the money next time.

Sandra



Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 4:24pm
I agree with Sandra on this one!! I *know* it's hard to say No but unless it's an unsual circumstances, you need to. If it's a continually thing, from bad money management, they aren't going to stop asking until you say No and they aren't going to figure a way to do it themselves.

HUGS!!!!!!!!! I know that it's hard and that this probably isn't what you want to hear either.

Maybe next time they ask, you can tell them "No, but I can show you how you can get your debt paid off too" and see if they take you up on it. Maybe they will but more than likely they won't until they are ready to make the change themselves, it's hard.

Becky