I feel like I could scream

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
I feel like I could scream
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 2:46pm
Just venting, and from other posts I know there are other people going through similar circumstances, but since I don't have anyone in my life to talk to I'm just gonna get it all off my chest here.

It just makes me want to haul off and hit someone when my boss tells me all about his new BMW, how he just bought his daughter (who isn't old enough to drive yet) a brand new car, all the vacations he's been taking lately, when he isn't even giving me enough hours at work so I can pay my rent and electricity. AND THEN he had the nerve to say "I'm not running a charity" when I asked if he could give me more hours. AARRGGHH!!! And I don't qualify for help from the government because I own a car (god forbid, it's for work). When I told him I was going to start looking for a second job because I need to have enough money to live on, he acted insulted like it was personally going to affect his life. I got the impression that he just wants me to have all available hours so I can be on call all the time, just in case one of his other trusted employees doesn't show up for work, which is often. Sheesh, you'd think after he was paying these people 1 1/2 times what he's paying me, plus the fact that he gives them full time hours, they'd at least show up to work on time.

I mean, I went to college for this? I can't even find a job in my field. I can't even find a job in a semi-related field. Heck, I can't seem to find a job that pays more than minimum wage. The jobs just are not there.

And then I found out my husband has been hiding somehting and lying to me about it for the past five years. I'd divorce him but I can't afford to. I mean, I can afford to do the divorce but I need whatever pittance of a paycheck he brings in or I'm really gonna be out on the street with my three kids. I have nothing to fall back on as far as a way to bail my behind out of this mess.

If anyone has soon good sage advice on the subject I'd thoroughly appreciate it. Anyone who's been through something similar, if they could tell me what steps they took to get out of it. Oh, and I'm severly depressed too so if anyone has a way of dealing with that as well I would be open to suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 2:08am
HUGS coming your way. You said in your post you were depressed. I have been there and back 3 times! I am currently taking Zoloft and it has helped tremondously. I took a 6 week series on coping with depression and there is no easy solution. First, get to a doctor and see if meds would benefit you. Depression can affect your ability to make a decision even on the smallest of tasks let alone life altering ones. I could not even "decide" how to clean the house (where to begin?) - something I had no problem with before. I was always a independant, strong willed person and yet I could not make a simple decision. Sleep is also very important. Lack of sleep may actually contribute to depression and depression can cause sleeping problems. Its very important to try and get sleep (this may not be a problem for you - it was for me). Medication for me, was the key to getting well. I feel like my old self again. I am making decisions, setting goals and I look forward to the future (something I couldn't do while depressed). I hope things get better (I am sure they will).


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 8:28pm
No advice, but lots of hugs coming your way. The job market really stinks right now. My dh was out of work for 8 months. He couldn't find *anything* even remotely in his field, and he has a degree and eight years high-level experience. He did finally find something, thanks to a friend, but it paid two thirds what he had been making before, and was boring grunt work that he hated. This is why we're in debt now. Anyway, he did recently get a sweet promotion and things are finally looking up (despite my having just been fired from my part-time job), but it took a long time and we were beginning to feel like it would never happen.

I hope everything brightens up for you soon.