Why does DF have to be so STUPID?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Why does DF have to be so STUPID?????
3
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 5:11pm
Our wedding is in 12 weeks, and since DF was out of work for a while, we're back to living paycheck to paycheck. Today at work, I figured up how much $$$ each of us would have to hold out of each check to pay the bills and wedding stuff. He's just temping right now, so he only brings home $860/mth. He pays $350 rent, $40 cable, and buys the groceries. I bring home $925/mth. I pay $70 gas bill, $30 electric, $30 water. He doesn't have a car (so I take him to work and pick him up every day), so no car pmt or insurance, my car pmt is $175 and insurance $70, plus the rediculous amount of gas these days. So, we're at $390+groceries=him, $375+gas=me. I'm paying for the majority of the wedding expenses, he's only paying $100 for the tux, $40 for the license, and $85 for the wedding night hotel room.

So, anyway, he got mad at me for budgeting "his" money! But if I don't, we'll be out of money before we even get groceries! He's horrible at money (that's why we're always keeping everything seperate)! He just doesn't get it, and it frustrates the heck out of me! Why does he have to be so stupid???????

Avatar for belverbears
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 8:40pm
Maybe this is something you two should discuss in-depth now? Budgeting is a great way to get things under control, but if one person doesn't want to do it, the whole situation can become a disaster....but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 11:19pm
I understand your frustration. It is really important to sit down NOW and talk about budgeting, finances etc. What are your/his goals? How will you get there? Maybe you could show him on paper that you need xxx amount for the wedding and that each of you has to contribute xxx amount.

Another idea is to have a household account. Each of you contributes a set amount each month and from that you pay rent, cable, groceries, car pymt etc plus the expenses for the wedding (could even and savings later on). What ever he has left from his paycheck he can spend as he wants. Would this help? Might be an idea.

Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 8:58am
I've tried to sit down with him and go over things on paper, but he just thinks there's no reason to have to plan everything out. He won't even let the words sink in. Every time he says, "I'll have enough money to pay the bills, you know that. I always do." But that was when he was working a permanent job making almost double what he's making now! I've tried everything I can think of, from having my name on his checking account, budgeting and paying the bills for him, and giving him what was left over to spend (he didn't like being told how much he could spend), to telling him that one day when I had enough money saved up, I was going to buy a house myself, and come visit him in his rental house because he couldn't save his money! He just hates it that anybody has any sayso over his finances at all, and even when he screws up and doesn't have the rent money until 4 days after it's due, he still doesn't understand the concept of budgeting so it won't happen again! I guess it's good that I've learned this now, instead of later. I know that I'll never rely on him to do anything financially, although it's pretty sad that I don't feel like I can rely on my future husband. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't spend on credit or buy things frivolously, his downfall is mostly snacks at teh convenience store or eating out, and it's always cash, he never borrows or does anything else to get us in the hole, I just would like him to start saving up for a rainy day or a house or a car. But when I ask him to do that, he says,"I've got X amount saved right now!" referring to the cash he has in his wallet at that given moment! He thinks if it's not spent, it's saved! Not realizing that it WILL be spent by the end of the week, so it's not called SAVINGS!

Sorry, I just needed to vent about this, b/c we're still giving each other the silent treatment. I just don't think theres anything else I can do.