Really needing advice and Support (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Really needing advice and Support (m)
7
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 10:08am
Ladies I haven't posted in awhile but, I lurk everyday and today I really need some advice, this week has been so hard with money because we had an extremely large gas bill and I had to pay cable (DH won't let me get rid of it) and next week is going to be the same way because I have to pay the car note and our CCCS bill because I was unable to pay it this week as planned. We are so broke because DH is not getting up on time to get overtime at work as a matter of fact he's late nearly everyday, I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so afraid that the electric or something important is going to be turned off because there is never enough money anymore. This week we had to live off of $13 for food, it was lucky we had food in the pantry, but we're almost out of everything now, I don't know what his problem is but I'm so stressed right now I can feel myself starting to slip on my repayment plan because i'm so tired of being deprived of just the basic things like snacks and clothes. I haven't even thought about what we're going to have for Easter dinner, I think I may have to pull out the credit card just for cigarettes and I really don't want to do that because it's getting close to time for them to charge the annual fee on the card plus I just don't want to get back into the habit of charging, I've been doing so well with working within our budget but there's just not enough money for it this month. Thanks for listening to me ramble any ideas or just hugs will be appreciated.
Avatar for mrslove2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 3:43pm
I can relate to your frustration and anxiety about the bills. Have you tried to talk to DH about his work? Is there some reason why he can't get up on time? It is very possible that he may be feeling burnt out and stressed like you, but doesn't know how to "talk" about it. I know that may sound crazy to us girls, however, when my DH changed jobs and didn't have income for nearly 3 1/2 months his total demeanor (sp) changed. He was grouchy, smoked even more (which stressed me out-spending money we didn't have any money to begin with) he would take naps in the middle of the afternoon and sleep late in the morning. After things started getting better, the "old" DH came back. Once I felt comfortable that the "new, unresponsive" DH was gone, I was brave enough to find out why he was acting the way he was. He said he felt bad, almost depressed, because he wasn't "providing" for his family like he should and instead of sharing this with me, he thought it was better to withdraw himself and not talk about it. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of the situation. I'll keep you in my thoughts! :0)

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 12:12pm
I am right there with you sister! I am sitting here waiting for the gas man to come and turn my gas on. I would say get rid of the cable anyway. If you are in control of the bills and he is not doing his part to get the money you need in the house get rid of the cable! Why pay for 100 channels of garbage when you can get 10 or so perfectly good channels of garbage for free...there are so many other things to do besides watching tv anyway.

Keep the faith! If you need a clothing fix try taking a couple of dollars to a thrift store. You can find some great designer stuff for nothing. Or instead of shopping go shopping at your house and get rid of stuff you don't need or paint that ugly dresser that is sitting in the basement...etc., keep yourself busy on stuff that costs nothing. Go for a walk when you are feeling really frustrated. And when you get yourself back on your feet you will be a much better person and way more in control of your money than you ever were before....as long as you can keep away from the credit cards! Don't slip back into those old habits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 7:48am
I'm sorry things are so rough for you. I can offer you a little hope. Two years ago we were living on the edge, just like you are. Things are much better now. We have a cushion in our checking account and a savings account for emergencies.

One of the first things we cut out was the cable. It was hard at first, but got easier. Its amazing how dependant we were on it, just for background noise most of the time.

I also agree that too much OT can lead to burn out and make a person miserable and horrible to live with.

My suggestion is to put cable and other non necessities at the end of you budget. Always make sure you have your primary bills paid on time (mortgage/rent, utilities, etc) and have food for the week. Then whats left over can go to credit cards and non necessities such as cable.

Does your DH know how severe the situation is? If the choice is cable or food, I can't imagine choosing cable.

Good luck

Sandy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 1:10pm
Thank you so much for this idea i'd been considering doing this but, I don't want it to have a negative effect I'll call them tomorrow and see if I can do this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 1:01pm
First off big ((((((((HUGS)))))))) to you.

I know what your going through about the big bills, trust me I do. But you need to have oil to heat the house....etc. I do have one idea, that I have done myself, I contacted my CCCS company and asked them to only deduct 1/2 of my payment because I couldn't afford the whole payment this month and they have done that without any problems. That is the only idea I have for you.

As far as you dh, I think you need to talk with him, he can't afford to loss his job, maybe he is depressed as well and needs some help?!

I so know where you are and only pray that things get better, because I know right now that is all I can count on as well, is prayer!!

Corinna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 12:42pm
I'm sending a big <<<>>> your way. It sounds as though you've been doing two important things right: 1) abstaining from using your credit cards; and 2) sticking to a budget. Can you imagine where you'd be if you didn't have the discipline to do these things?

First, some good news: assuming that the large gas bill you mention was for home heating, chances are that expense will soon decline dramatically. I was able to turn my gas furnace off recently for good (I hope) this year; it felt great to hit the "off" button!

A couple of suggestions: First, you mention that you are expecting an annual fee on your credit card. Run (don't walk) to the phone, call your credit card company and request that the fee be waived or else you will have to close your account. If they won't waive the fee, transfer your balance to another low rate card; I feel strongly that you shouldn't be paying an annual fee to any credit card company.

When faced with having $13 for food versus paying $50-$100+ a month for cable, the choice is easy: food. Tell your DH the cable goes off until an equivalent amount of money that would have been used to pay for cable is saved to buy a six-month supply of grocery staples. That way, he won't expect the cable to return after a month if you find some extra cash for a short period. Cable is a luxury; food isn't. If he disagrees, I suggest a rather strong response: take every scrap of food from your kitchen shelves and hide it. Let him see how much fun it is to open cupboards with bare shelves when he's looking for something to eat during tv commercials. This may sound harsh, but if you are as stressed out as your post indicates, this is a nonnegotiable item.

You will get past this difficult point; hang in there.

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 10:49am
Hmmm...I can give you the hugs right now.

Can't think of any advice to tell you...I'm wondering if you need to talk to DH about why he is running late, etc... I know OT is good but it is not a good thing to *count on it* (not trying to say it doesn't happen because I did it too but we got burned...so just want to give you a "if you can just hang in there somehow without counting on it"...).

All I can think of is if DH used to get up, etc... with no problem if there is something else going on with it (like he is feeling burnt out working OT and it all going to bills, etc...) and I know what you are saying about feeling deprived. I have no idea what to tell you to make it better though at the moment.

So, I'm sending you some great big hugs and hope someone else has some much better words of wisdom for you.

Becky