Please Pray

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Please Pray
5
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 10:09pm
To make a long story short, my home is in foreclosure and my husband and I our in chapter 13 bankruptcy (because of student loans). In the past, we did not always budget and prioritize our money. We also bought a 100 year old house that needed major remodeling which is one reason we fell behind. I am also a compulsive shopper. Our only solution to save our home is to ask my husbands aunt who is a multimillionare for the money to get cought up with the mortgage and get out of foreclosure (15,000). He does not want to ask her and wants to put the house up for sale until we can afford a "new" house. We are both professionals, he is an attorney and i am a school teacher. we also have 2 kids in the middle of this. Our marriage is at the top of the stress level and I have told him that if he does not ask his aunt for the money that our marriage is over. I know this was wrong to say. Please pray for us and that she will lend us the money to keep our home.
Avatar for mrslove2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 3:31pm
I can empathize with your situation, however, you may be placing DH in an uncomfortable situation and you may regret the road it will lead you down. If DH aunt "offers" to help, that is different than the direct asking. I feel, since you seem more comfortable, relieve DHs resistance and approach is aunt yourself. However, be prepared for her response because she is not under any obligation for your dire straits. Here is sending you positive thoughts and vibes to help you through a difficult situation~~~~~~~~

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 3:16pm
You're in my prayers. I know how hard debt can be. It can really affect your life. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 12:20pm
I am glad I came to the board today....it seems I can really empathize with everyone! I am not in forclosure yet but a few steps on the way. We are 2-3 months behind on our mortgage...a 100 year old house as well and three kids. The biggest thing I have learned in our troubles is why pride really is one of the seven deadly sins! I think you should go ahead and approach your husband's aunt. It can't hurt. But do not do it until you know in your heart that you will not get yourself into this situation again. Make sure this experience has changed you and transformed you into a better person...

Good luck and believe that we are praying for you out here in cyberspace!
Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 8:49am
I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. But I agree that asking your aunt isn't

the right solution. She probably worked hard for her money and(and even if she didn't)

she doesn't have any obligation to help you, especially if a lot of this is due to compulsive spending. That's something you have to work out or temporary fixes aren't going to help. Now's the time that you desperately need to

work together with your husband and make decisions that you're both comfortable with.

If he doesn't want to ask his aunt I think you should respect that. Your relationship is more important than money or material things, even houses.

If you sold the house it might give you some breathing room. You'll get another house in the future so please don't feel like it's permanent. In the meantime you have to somehow start addressing the spending or things may not ever get better. I know it's not easy.

There is a compulsive spending board where you might find support for that aspect of your problem. Hugs! Hang in there!

Avatar for belverbears
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 1:17am
A lot of what you wrote sounded like it's still in the present tense, like when you said "I am still a compulsive shopper". So, to me, the money from the aunt isn't the problem. Start working on the root of the problem...the money is just one of the symptoms...it doesn't seem to "be" the problem. I've had to do this myself. If the house is too much for you right now, have you thought about downsizing? Living within my means has meant I've had to wait for a lot of things. No more credit to borrow (or to owe) but it also means I don't have the daily stress on my mind all the time.

If you think your marriage is worth the house, I can't tell you that' you're wrong because I'm not in your shoes, but I would try to look at all the options before I let the marriage go. Like I said, I don't think money is the problem, and what happens if you get the money from the aunt and then you still lose the house because the other habits haven't changed? Just a thought.