The elusive security deposit...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
The elusive security deposit...
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 8:36pm
Good evening, ladies. I'm brandy-new to this group, and need some timely support. Even though I'm over fifty, an addiction kept me an emotional child for many years. I only really began to grow up since joining AA in 1991, and I still have a lot of money issues. For reasons I won't go into here, I'm the sole support of myself and two teenagers, and my almost-$400/week takehome has just barely covered the rent. Utilities and, recently, medical expenses, just seem to pile up.

We have no credit card debt, but slow pays on car loans, etc., in the past have given me a rotten credit rating. I must find a new place to live SOON, and need to come up not only with a clean utility history, but also the 1-½ month's rent security on the next apartment.

Here's the funny part -- I just had a yard sale yesterday, and made over $700.00!! (DH's tools didn't leave when he did, and I felt justified in selling what I could before we move.) Now, I've told myself I'm going to hang on to this money to go towards the security, but I know my shortcomings (like the way I throw extra money at my kids) very well by now. How can I keep that old pattern of overspending, of "feeling flush" from wrecking my plans to save this money? I have attended a few DA meetings, but I still see patterns of fear rooted deeply in childhood issues. I have always associated giving money with giving love.

After reading some of the posts here, I feel some of you may recognize my fears, and I'm asking that you share some tips for holding onto what I have until it's needed. Already, in only one day, my "Nestegg" is down to $600.00!! It's funny, but it's also tragic, that a windfall can be a curse to folks like me!! Help, please?

One Day At A Time, With Love,



"Love is not consolation. It is lig
Avatar for mrslove2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 9:16pm
I am glad to see you have joined us, Welcome! I think you were rightly justified in selling all the stuff in your garage sale. If it wasn't being used, at least you got something out of it. As for a suggestion on how not to spend the new money, put it in a savings account or CD. Just get it out of your hands. You will be more tempted to spend it if you have easy access to it. (That's why I didn't suggest putting it in your checking account) Best of luck to you!



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 10:17pm
Think of it this way...the more you spend from the extra money you have...the longer it will take and the more difficult it will be to put down that security deposit.

And talk to your kids...and tell them that money is going to be tight and any spare money you have is going to go towards the new place. Believe it or not...depending on the age of your kids...they will understand and appreciate being treated like grown fact, you may have some help there.

I also agree with the post before mine...and depending on how soon you are looking to rent...lock it up in a CD...some have maturities as little as 6 weeks up to 3 mos for a short term CD.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 9:31am
I've found that I can turn a weakness into a strength with just a little twist. You say that although you're trying to get over it, you still equate giving love with giving money. Well, what better way to give your kids love than by spending that money for a down payment on a new apartment? What better sense of security can your children have than a good roof over their heads? This is a HUGE way to tell them you love them.

Go to meetings, ask for help, and don't drink no matter what.

Another friend of Bill's

Lee Ann

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 1:19pm
Congrats on the success of your yard sale! It sounds like you already understand to some degree, the importance of tracking where your money is going. Are your teens old enough to start part-time or summer jobs? At least they are probably old enough to understand if you explain to them that money is tight and you can't afford some of the things they may be accustomed to.

Are you renting now, and expecting a security deposit refund? Some landlords are willing to apply it (or at least part of it) to your last month's rent, couldn't hurt to ask.

Not much else to add, except an invitation to the Affording Single Parenthood board. The board has been slow lately but there are still some fabulous folks willing to offer advice and insight from the single mom perspective.

Hang in there! You've got plenty of support here. ~Jen