The elusive security deposit...

Good evening, ladies. I'm brandy-new to this group, and need some timely support. Even though I'm over fifty, an addiction kept me an emotional child for many years. I only really began to grow up since joining AA in 1991, and I still have a lot of money issues. For reasons I won't go into here, I'm the sole support of myself and two teenagers, and my almost-$400/week takehome has just barely covered the rent. Utilities and, recently, medical expenses, just seem to pile up.



We have no credit card debt, but slow pays on car loans, etc., in the past have given me a rotten credit rating. I must find a new place to live SOON, and need to come up not only with a clean utility history, but also the 1-½ month's rent security on the next apartment.

Here's the funny part -- I just had a yard sale yesterday, and made over $700.00!! (DH's tools didn't leave when he did, and I felt justified in selling what I could before we move.) Now, I've told myself I'm going to hang on to this money to go towards the security, but I know my shortcomings (like the way I throw extra money at my kids) very well by now. How can I keep that old pattern of overspending, of "feeling flush" from wrecking my plans to save this money? I have attended a few DA meetings, but I still see patterns of fear rooted deeply in childhood issues. I have always associated giving money with giving love.

After reading some of the posts here, I feel some of you may recognize my fears, and I'm asking that you share some tips for holding onto what I have until it's needed. Already, in only one day, my "Nestegg" is down to $600.00!! It's funny, but it's also tragic, that a windfall can be a curse to folks like me!! Help, please?