My stress leads to thoughts of suicide

Avatar for noahs_mommy2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
My stress leads to thoughts of suicide
8
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 2:54pm
Do any of you get so depressed over your debt that you have feelings of suicide? I have them all the time when I think of how I am going to pay my bills. I feel like I am a horrible person and that I would rather just commit suicide than to have to worry so much about my debt day after day. I realize that this means I need some help but getting help costs money and it still doesn't solve my problem of paying my bills. What am I to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 3:18pm
First, let me say, I have been there. I know how you feel. Second, let me say that it WILL get better with time--please don't allow your situation to destruct you. Two years ago, my fiance left me (2 months before the wedding) with $10,000 worth of credit card bills, and I was bringing home only about $750 a month from my job, trying to pay rent and all my bills on my own. I became seriously suicidal, for several months, not knowing where to turn. At times, I didn't have enough money for food. Other times, I ate Ramen Noodles and drank nothing but water.

But today, I'm working a better job, and hold a part-time job on the side, and am engaged to a wonderful man. So, it IS possible to work through it. Don't get me wrong, I still owe $6500,and I still get depressed that I work so hard to pay for mistakes of my past, but I learned that money and the situations it causes are not worth your health, and definately not your life.

You have come to the right place for support. If I could reach out and give you a hug, I would! We're all sisters, and we all love each other. We'll be here 24 hours a day to help you every step of the way. Please keep posting, and we'll do our best to help you figure out how to handle things.

Crystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 3:39pm
The biggest thing that I have learned is that I am NOT my debt! That has made me feel better. All you can do is take it day by day. Get supoprt here, get advice from the Q & A board, start paying what you can. You are learning how to be financially responsible, and now you are fixing past mistakes so that some day you will be debt free and then you will know how to avoid the pitfalls of debt. My husband and I have 20k in CC's and 20k in student loans. It can get me down, but everytime I mail a check off on time I consider it a victory, and I know I am one check closer to pay off that card. Keep checking in here so you can read other's successes. It will get better.

R

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:19pm
Tahollow,

please don't let your debt overwhelm you. Pay what you can. My h and I owe $40,000 in cc (due to an affair he had), and $19,500 in our student loans. Life is too precious to end over debt.

In time you will be debt free. It's a slow process but it's possible. We are all here for you.

cyberhugs

MYM

Avatar for noahs_mommy2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:31pm
Thank you for your wonderful thoughts but I can't help feeling hopeless. I know that it is possible to get over all this, but at the moment I feel like I am too weak to handle it all anymore. I keep worrying about how I am going to pay my rent and buy food. I feel like I am a horrible person and that I don't deserve to live at times. I see other people that are so happy and never have any worries and it makes me even more depressed. I honestly just don't know how much more of this stress I can handle.
Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:42pm
Hey! Remember that you're a human being with a spirit and worth. You can laugh and

smile and care for other people. You are NOT defined by how much money you happen to owe someone. And I know it's frustrating and depressing but it's not worth even thinking about suicide. It's only money.

You're not a horrible person. Did you kill someone or torture animals?!? No, you just

took out some loans. The economy is tough right now. You're not the only one struggling.

When you look back on your life and remember what mattered, money will not be on your list-whether you have tons of it or are terribly in debt. So don't make yourself miserable with it.

So cherish the parts that you will remember

-your family, friends, simple pleasures like a sunny day or music on the radio, plants.

Find something that gives you some peace.

Life is too short to stress about money. Hang in there! We've all

been depressed about our debt at some point, but it's not worth the energy.

You WILL crawl out of the hole eventually!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 6:02pm
Oh I SO know how you are feeling however I have 2 young children and wouldn't give up my life this debt but SO think of it. I so hate this feeling, hate the mistakes, hate the calls day in and day out, hate it all, so much. But I just keep going, whatelse can I do? It's tough but there isn't anyelse we can do. I'm here for you like others are and just post, it makes everything OK for a few minutes!!!

Corinna
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 7:32pm
been there this time that I got involved with a debt management company my husband don't know yet he is out of town.

but when you consider how if I get too stressed out I pass out and have a seizure after the last one costing us 10,000 I think he will agree 50 a month for someone else to deal with it is a deal.

they cut my monthly payments by 57%

and said I will be paid off in 39 months.

I found them through lowermybills.com

check them out they take contributions if you can't afford 50 now they will take what you can give until you can to help with there expenses on that end non profit organization.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 8:05pm
Dearest daughter of a loving Universe -- let us love you until you can learn to love yourself. You are complete, beautiful and perfectly wonderful JUST AS YOU ARE~ you lack nothing that you need to find the solutions to your problem. The thoughts of ending one's life are the mind's way of saying "Enough, I simply can't handle this alone!" Hmm-mm-mm - so why should you?

I, too, once believed I was a "terrible person" - I compared myself to the people around me and always thought there was something wrong with me. I have since learned that people are wonderful, and are pretty much alike -- we have shortcomings, emotional outbursts, poor spending habits, fears, dreams and spiritual hunger. When we join together and share our humanity, we discover strength and self-esteem that is bigger than any one of us by herself.

When I make a mistake today, instead of calling myself all sorts of ugly and unflattering names, I simply say "Oops! How human of me!"

If the suicidal thoughts begin to sound like a real answer to your problems, please PLEASE call the crisis line at your local hospital IMMEDIATELY. Keep the number on you at all times, and use it if you need to. YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS TO BE LOST!!

One Day At A Time, With Love,

Eileen

lovespirit_nj

"Love is not consolation. It is lig