Still here...appreciate the input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Still here...appreciate the input!
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 3:32pm
Hello everyone! I am still lurking around here, reading all of your posts. I really appreciate all of the advice I got last week! It has been a busy week for me. I have contacted a company about refinancing my house, (I think we can save around 175.00 per month on our payment) and also looking into consolidating the cc debt also with the company. I am just waiting to hear something. But, I had to do something else. I went to the bank and borrowed money to get caught up on some bills in the meantime. I know borrowing more is not helping my problem, but I had to do something quick to keep from getting behind. I went ahead and made June's house payment so that I can have some leeway on that. I am still considering listing the house. The realtor is my cousin and he says he is ready to come and take photos of it and post them on his website. I just want to wait and see how I can get the refinancing worked out. Alot of you mentioned selling my cars....mine is leased. My husband just traded his in for a newer model. It really seems like I am the one who really worries about money. Not him, he just deposits his paycheck and goes on his merry way. I am the one who sits down and writes the checks and figures out how the crap I am going to stretch every dollar. If he needs to pay a personal bill of his, he just sits down and writes a check and never looks to see if money is there. Does anyone else have a spouse that does this?? I have tried to talk to him about the debt, but he just gets in a bad mood and takes it out on everyone in the house. He just says it disgusts him to work all week and come home and there is no money and we are always overdrawn. I HATE credit cards! It can do so much damage to a family. Ok, I am rambling, thanks for your ears.

Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 6:58pm
I can totally understand what you're going through with your husband.

I think there's some sort of weird phenomenon going on where people think they're entitled to a certain lifestyle because they work hard. I was like this for a long time!

"Well, I work hard, I deserve that...snowboard, new couch (or whatever).".

Our society is so materialistic, it's hard to accept the fact that if you can't pay for it with cash, you can't afford it. And if you go ahead and buy it anyway, that'll be one less thing you can afford in the future (because you'll still be paying for the things you bought last year). It's frustrating. It takes a major change in mindset.

I don't know how you can get through to him. All you can do is keep

plugging away, try to involve him and try to reassure him that's it's only temporary. Once you get your debt paid off, you'll both be able to afford a lot more of the things you want.

You're trying to do the right thing for your family! It'll be worth the frustration!

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 11:26am
My H would do the same. However, he wouldn't write a check. He would withdraw from the ATM. He not give it a second thought that maybe there wasn't enough(sometimes there were checks that hadn't cleared). Anyway, he is the cause of our debt. He was having an affair.

You mentioned you can't sell your car because it is a lease. Well...that's not necessary true. You can sell it. I had a lease car once. I called the company to find out the payoff amount on the vehicle. I sold it for that amount. ONce I received the title to the car, I signed it off to the buyer. Obviously, I didn't make a profit. I didn't care about making a profit. I just couldn't afford to make the payments anymore. It's on my credit report as payoff. This may be something you should look into.

Good luck.