Just a whine/vent

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Just a whine/vent
14
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:18pm
You know...sometimes it's just too hard to keep up the *happy face*, everything will turn out fine mode. I think I'm at that point. I *know* logically we are doing really well considering the circumstances (for those that are new, DH got laid off end of January and hasn't been able to find a new job, I'm a SAHM and am pregnant so kind of put me out of the loop for looking).

I'm just sick of having no money, having credit card debt that we just made really bad last night (went clothes shopping for DH because he had no decent dress shirts that fit him, nor any slacks, etc... Ended up buying him a suit!!! I know in the long run, he has been needing one for a *LONG* time and the reason we decided to go out and get him one now, is he has 2 interviews this week, plus a wedding coming up at the end of the month, etc... and we basically no longer could keep ignorning it). Then DD has literally been wearing 2 pairs of leggings to school for about the last month and I have even sewed them up a few times. All her shorts from last year got to be *too short*, so found her 2 pair of Capri's so she could at least have something decent to wear to school especially on those really hot days now (she's hard to fit..so when we actually FIND pants that fit, we feel like doing cartwheels!! ROFLMBO!!). Anyway, came home and put what we spent into Quicken and it's SOOOOO depressing to see the number going up instead of down. I'm almost back to my $10,000 credit card debt (the only good thing I guess is the suit, is on a 0% interest deal (and it doesn't go up, this dept. store never charges interest on their card), so we won't be paying any extra than if we had paid cash plus they do the alterations on it for free). Just seems like I'm back to square one and we are never going to get out of this hole.

I keep looking toward the future as to *things will get better* but doesn't seem like it anytime soon and I'm just depressed/annoyed about the situation. I *want* to be able to go buy my kids new clothes when theres are literally falling apart/they've outgrown them (if they wouldn't grow, this would work out MUCH better. ;) ) without adding to the credit card debt, etc.. Or not feel like I have to scrape together money when field trip money is due, etc...

I just feel like saying "I quit" why do I try so hard, we aren't getting anywhere...of course logically I know that things could be a lot worse and you always have to keep trying and eventually we will get there (out of debt).

Anyway, I'm done for my complaining...I'm just in a whiny mood today and am feeling a little trapped in the money department (I guess seeing how we are getting close to the wire with money 1 more month of mortgage, etc... and not really sure we will ever get off unemployment and start making more money than expenses!!! Making me cranky!!). Maybe I should take a nap and it will all go away when I wake up ROFLMBO!!!!

Becky

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Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:31pm
Hey Becky - I hear ya, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. There is a valuable life's lesson here...and when DH is back to work and the $$ is all straightened out, I'm sure you'll figure out what the lesson is...but for now, I know it sucks and I'm sorry :(

I don't have children, but from the posts I've read here on the board and other Money boards, it seems that they *all* hit their growth spurts when the parents are having cash-flow issues. Why is that??! When you HAVE the money - they can probably wear the same shoes for MONTHS - when you DON'T have the money - poof, instant foot growth.

I hope the pregnancy is going well. How far along are you now?

For what it's worth - you're still my inspiration for being an excellent mom to my kids when I have them. You're allowed to have bad days...heck, bad weeks. I still think you're exceptionally cool :)

All my best,

Danni

PS - CONGRATS on keeping up with Quicken - I'm a "bury my head in the sand" type when it comes to financial issues - and I think it shows great strength to keep entering in the info and keeping Quicken updated even when you know it's not going to be pretty.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:40pm
Hang in there, things will get better. DH has 2 interviews - well then the suit was an investment for you. {{{sending good vibes for the interviews}}}

I know how you feel about going backwards - with both boys needing braces our charges just went right back up. I keep saying that we will not do any more charging, but then DH mentions things like $142 for the new dental insurance, $400 for termite spraying, I know the boys will need clothes for the summer and DH will need some clothes for work, very soon. And on top of that we have a vacation trip planned for next month - that if I could get out of it I would!

I'm tired of trying to budget and plan - but I do have to admit this week at work, I have had to eat out alot more than normal - I'm finding myself missing my lunched from home! In fact today I snuck out and ran down to my computer so I could eat and read the boards! I also find myself {{this week}} missing the meals at home.

Hang in there - things will work out soon! What sort of job is your DH looking for??? Do you happen to have any federal employment opportunities in your areas???? I can really help you in this area!

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:45pm
Becky,

sorry you are having a bad week. Good news, the clothes your husband bought for the interview, is tax deductible.

Hope your husband finds a job soon.

cyberhugs.

MYM

Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:53pm
Becky, you've come so far and you've always been so upbeat and persistent.

I don't know how you do it.

I think it's understandable to be frustrated

right now. I just know your DH is going to find something soon and you can

get back on track. In the meantime kids will outgrow things and you just have to

do the best you can do. I don't know who wouldn't be charging in your situation.

So don't be too hard on yourself!

The most important thing is to stay relaxed and enjoy your kids and your pregnancy.

You might even look back and laugh at how rough it was! I know my parents love to giggle over how poor they were when they were raising us. I know it's not funny when it's happening but it may turn into something you look back on with happy memories.

I know you know what's important in life, so remember the good things you

have, even when you're at the end of your rope. Hang in there ok?

Avatar for beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-1998
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:01pm
LOL!! Me either...I keep thinking the lesson is "Don't get into credit card debt" LOL!! But I already *knew* that it wasn't the smartest idea...so must be some other lesson that we obviously needed a 2x4 to hit us with or something because we weren't getting it otherwise. ROFLMBO!!! (Maybe it was DH that needed a lesson of some sort, hee hee and I'm just along for the ride so to speak).

Had to laugh about the growth spurts...must have something to do with the same universal law that *we will be happy and content for HOURS until Mommy decides to get on the phone, take a shower, take a nap, etc... and then of course, something of major immediate attention ensues like they just MUST do XYZ RIGHT NOW" LOL!!!!

I'm at 19 weeks, so almost 1/2 way there. YEAH!! Get my ultrasound next week..Woo Hoo!! Hoping to find out if girl or boy (and as always Healthy is #1 but I would think that's a given).

*Blush* about being an inspiration, I don't do anything extraordinary, just fumbling through the best I can. :) It has just been one of those stressful deals the past couple days, just unexpected not good things happening.

Becky

Becky - Mom to Carolyn (17), Aaron (15), Kyle (11) & Luke (8)
Send a free greeting card on me!!
Avatar for beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-1998
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:08pm
Yes, I know *logically* it's a good investment but on black & white paper still makes me cringe!! And I know you know, the braces will also be worth it, etc... :) Just hard to swallow sometimes. (ROFLMBO!! I re-read this and no pun was intended when talking about braces & hard to swallow!! I was talking about the money aspect).

Go on vacation though and have a good time!! I'm almost getting to the point that I'm thinking just taking off for a week and just relaxing is becoming a *need* ;) (Then again, I guess my 2 days in the hospital when I give birth will just have to count this time around *sigh*).

My DH is a computer/electronics technician. As far as I know there are not federal jobs around here, the closest thing would be a job that is a subsidary (sp?) of the Department of Energy. He did apply there but it's hard to get into there even when things are going GOOD much less when there is budget constraints. We are near Chicago, if you know of anything. :)

Becky

Becky - Mom to Carolyn (17), Aaron (15), Kyle (11) & Luke (8)
Send a free greeting card on me!!
Avatar for beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-1998
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:12pm
Thanks!! He went on the interview this morning and it was almost a 2 hour interview.

Sounded like it went decently. We won't know for at least 2 weeks though (if at all) as DH was one of the first people they were interviewing. This works out well for us though as he needs to finish his Real Estate and I need him to be home for some babysitting in the next couple weeks for meetings I have a school regarding a couple of the kids, plus my ultrasound, etc... (my mom who is the *back-up* had some unexpected surgery yesterday and will be in the hospital for at least a week and will need some recovery time, so no babysitting anytime soon for her!!).

Becky

Becky - Mom to Carolyn (17), Aaron (15), Kyle (11) & Luke (8)
Send a free greeting card on me!!
Avatar for beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-1998
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:23pm
Morning tea helps along with the *fake it until you make it* concept for trying to stay upbeat but I think today just got to me...I don't even feel like faking it anymore. We've done this before but last time around, I was working and we didn't have 3 kids with 1 on the way. Just a *tad* bit more stressful this time but I know I am very lucky with all the help/support everyone has given us.

And of course, seeing my numbers basically get me back to square 1 annoyed me, along with being stressed. I'll be OK and hit it head on again soon, just running out of steam for right now.

Now that I think about it there is a bright side to this...my DD got approved for financial aid to go to her Girl Scout Horse Camp which was going to be $150, we had put a $40 deposit down, so still owed $110. They approved us for it and so now we don't have to pay the remaning balance. Makes DD *really* happy she still gets to go to camp for a couple days and gets to ride horses no less. :) I wasn't sure how we were going to finagle that (we signed her up when DH had a job and it was a completely non-refundable deposit).

Becky

Becky - Mom to Carolyn (17), Aaron (15), Kyle (11) & Luke (8)
Send a free greeting card on me!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 6:05pm
I have SO been there, and I really feel for you. You need some big hugs today!!

I don't know what everyone else has written, as my computer time is extremely limited right now, but I wanted to say that one way we keep my son in clothes is at yard sales. We can get him several outfits for a few bucks. Also, we have a good network of friends and family and he wears A LOT of hand-me-downs. We did just have to buy him new shoes, as we just couldn't find any at yard sales and his toes were hanging off the edge of his sandals (LOL), but we got them at WalMart for $10, so it wasn't too bad.

It's VERY hard to find good men's clothes that way, though, but I have read recently that you can find good used men's suits at consignment stores. I've never tried it, but I'm going to the next time dh needs a suit. He did recently get some good dress shoes at a yard sale, but it was one our friends were putting on and that's the only place we've ever seen good men's dress shoes at a yard sale. It's great that you are on 0% for the life of the loan from the store--what store is that? Sounds like a good deal.

One more thing--I know how awful it is to want things for your children and not be able to provide them. The shoes we just bought for Monty are too big by a bit, but we thought that way he'd get more use out of them, which is important when your clothing budget is miniscule as ours is. But, it turns out they're big enough that they rub on his heels and leave little marks on his heels. I'm torn between thinking he'll break them in (not to mention, growing into them in a few weeks) and that I shouldn't throw more money at them and that if they were that painful, he wouldn't want to wear them (but he does); and on the other hand thinking I'm a terrible mother for not buying him shoes that fit properly.

Sigh.

Anyway, I know how you feel and I hope it looks up for you soon.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 7:18pm
Becky,

It was only a few weeks ago that I was venting the same thing! I know exactly how you feel (as I think most of us have felt this way). What we owe has basically stayed the same for the past couple of years. Goes down, goes up, goes down, goes way up, goes down and goes down again :) On a positive note we are not FURTHER in debt!! And that is a big plus for me!

Sometimes I feel discouraged and frustrated and think why am I even "doing" anything about this because I am not getting anywhere! I can relate to having to buy dh work clothes and the kids clothes etc. I desperately need some too but that will have to wait. *sigh* I just want you to know you are not alone and others feel the same way at times. (tomorrow might be my turn LOL).

Sending you lots of ((((HUGS)))) and you take it easy and let us know how your ultrsound goes :)

BTW when are you due?


Sandra

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