Showing my house tomorrow.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Showing my house tomorrow.....
8
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 1:12pm
After much consideration, I have decided to show my house tomorrow to the realtor. As you can see I am not very excited about it. It is just too much house for us. It is truly my dream home. Near family, perfect for us...but the payments are 1375 per month. Which is pretty high for this area. I dont want to sell, but I just keep telling myself it is for the best. My husband, bless his heart, is not the best at making business decisions. He sort of leaves everything up to me. I have posted before about how he just goes on his merry way and leaves all the money worries up to me. He just writes himself a check if he is broke, and never worries if the money is there. So, this morning before leaving for work, I said " The realtor is coming tomorrow and I am going to need some help getting things picked up in here today." His reply was " Well, if you would get a better job and help me pay for this place, we wouldn't have to sell it." I guess my blood pressure just about went thru the roof! I have 2 part time jobs, and I try to sell on Ebay in between. I have 2 kids who keep me VERY busy also. I dont have any help with my housework, the only luxury I do have is someone to help me with my ironing. I just dont have time to do everything! Also, I told him this morning that in order for me to get a better job, I would have to go back to school , which I am certain we don't have the funds for, and he never stops to think about the kids, who is going to run them from here to there and take care of them. I work at school during the school year, and I have a Saturday job at a shop in town.(which is where I am right now) I realize that I do need to find a summer job, to fill in for my not getting paid for summer from my school job, I have been Ebaying more here lately, but I am not making very much there. I just feel like I am doing the very best I can at this point, with children and housework and parttime jobs, It is like I feel unappreciated for what I do. Ok, enough whining, if we sell the house for what I am asking, we would have around 55,000 to put on bills, and another home. Our mortgage is 210,000 and our cc debt is 38,000, pretty rough seeing that written down. Our house appraised for 275,000 and I am not going to come off of my asking price much, if any. Thanks for your ears,

Happy Memorial Day!

Lucy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-1999
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 2:30pm
I just wanted to send you hugs because this must be such a tough decision. I am sorry your husband doesn't seem to realize how much you do or doesn't seem to appreciate it all...that must be so tough. I hope things work out for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 4:05pm
Oh Lucy, that is really the pits!!! I was wondering what you would decide. I'm sure you know best what needs to be done, and nobody said this getting out of debt stuff would be easy (I would just kill to have a family car again!).

My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain, I really do know where you're coming from. And it is soooo hard when your partner's not on board with you yet. But I bet if you can get everything typed out in black and white, and *make* him be involved, I bet his attitude would change. I had to let my husband suffer the embarassment of a few declined Visa transactions before he took notice of what I was trying to say around here and help me go over expenses and a new budget and debt payment plan. I would also bet anything that his words to you came out of the same fear, anger and frustration that prompted you to post your message the other day too after you realized how bad things were.

It is the absolute sh*ts when a relationship gets put under strain because of debt, you've really got to work hard and keep things open and talk. My first marriage busted up and debt and money matters had alot to do with it, so I'm real careful not to let that happen in this one.

Hang in there! If you do sell your house, it will be so wonderful to have that debt gone, and if you go over your expenses and way of living and see where you need changing, you'll be able to save up for a new place in no time. You have to make the changes though, more money never fixes anything when it comes to debt, not until we realize where we went wrong the first time around and change our ways I'm afraid.

My thoughts are with you...

Lorraine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 4:48pm
Thanks for your post. I really need all the support I can get. You are all wonderful! I get my feelings on my shoulder alot I am afraid. One good thing, I noticed a house down the street from me for sale for 164,000 asking price...maybe a little high, but maybe could be bought for less. I am also looking into a business college to see about their medical training program. I need a change. Thanks,

Lucy
Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 5:51pm
I'm sorry, I'm sure this wasn't an easy decision. I know the house means a lot to you. I hope you can find a smaller house in the same area.

It may not be your dream house but you'll have the peace of mind of knowing that the payments are affordable. I think that's a good trade.

You are not alone!! And I'm sure your husband understands and appreciates what you do, even if he says stupid things sometimes. Some men have a weird relationship to money. They feel like it's a reflection on them as a "provider" if you're having money problems. I hope that he comes around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 9:09pm
Education is something that nobody can ever take away from you, an asset for life so to speak. I think going to school sounds like a wonderful option, and with the lower priced house, or even a rental place, it would probably be doable within the budget when you're debt free after selling the big house.

Then with the new higher income cuz you're all fancy and educated, well you'll be just dancing a jig around there :-)

LOL, sometimes good things come out of bad situations. I know around here we'll never abuse credit or be stupid about not havings savings again, so I'm grateful for that. I just wish we had learned it with a lesser amount of debt!

Anyway, I think your going to school sounds like a good idea. How old are your kids? Are you just thinking that way 'cuz of hubby's words, or is it something you want to do right now? I know I'll be here a while yet (SAHM) as my two are only 3 & 4 years old, I'm thinking of taking in some lunch & after school kids next fall when the oldest starts kindergarten though as we could really use some cash, then I imagine I'll go finish my last year of University which got waylaid when marriage #1 blew apart.

Isn't life interesting... :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 2:45am
Lucy,

I know exactly how you are feeling right now about selling your home. Dh and I sold our dream home too and it hurt alot. It was the right thing to do of course but when we moved a few days later I went back to finish cleaning up and I just cried and cried the whole time I was washing floors and vacuming my empty house. (to me its still *my* house even though its been almost two years since we moved). Life does go on. When we first moved I felt as though it would never get better and that we would never get out of this hole we put ourselves in but it does get better. I am now looking forward to the future and being a home owner again. I have plans and they seem doable again.

The biggest lesson I learned with regard to having sold our home is that I must have patience when it comes to some of the *bigger* goals. I can't have it all now. Some of if will have to come later. Had we stayed in our original condo and not bought our dream house at the time we did we would be sitting really well. Buying that house before we were ready is what got us into debt and had I been more patient I could have the that house *now* and not been in debt (other than the mortgage which would have been way lower than the one we had). That is a hard lesson to learn but believe me I will not make that mistake again!

Your lessons in all of this maybe different, maybe the same but I just wanted you to know I know what you are going through. ((((HUGS)))) to you.

I am sorry about your dh. I hope he didn't really mean what he said. I hope you have the chance to sit and talk it all out with him.

Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 05-25-2003 - 5:12pm
Lucy,

I am sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you and DH can find some common ground and make things better. Home is what you make of it and once you and your family are in a place that you can afford, I am sure you will be able to make it your dream home! DH and I live in a small flat, we hope to buy someday but we know we need to get out of debt first, we make sure we fill our home with love and laughter, the important things to us. Square footage is over-rated! Good luck and keep us posted,

Rebecca

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 2:54pm
lucy,

sorry about having to sell your dream house. hang in there. hopefully, it will give you a fresh start and then you could get your dream home again.

cyberhugs.

mym