Having a hard time (emotionally) lately

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-1999
Having a hard time (emotionally) lately
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 2:08pm
I've been working really hard at getting rid of debt and even built up some savings this year. Last summer we totalled what I owed my bf and we agreed on $3,500. I paid him some cash, as I was able, and then last Nov. I transferred $1875 onto a low rate credit card (which enabled him to cancel a high rate card). I still owe him $1100.

I figure I had roughly $4500 in credit card debt at the beginning of this year. I now have $1560 in credit card debt, not including the roughly $200 I owe one card for clothes, most of which are going to be returned (thus eliminating most of that $200).

At the end of the month I am going to give my bf $500 cash and transfer $600 from his Visa to a low rate cc in my name. Then I won't owe him anything anymore. This is important to me right now. I have owed him this money for a long time and it has always been okay with him for me to make paying other things a priority, but I now want to pay him off. And besides, it would be a net gain since I would be taking that $600 off a higher rate card to a lower rate card. Then I will have @$2,100 in credit card debt.

I still have almost $11,000 in student loan debt, plus I owe my mum $10,000, and my car is on its last legs...

Anyway, I think that I have made a lot of progress. All of my credit card debt that I am referring to will be on one card. The other card with the $200 is for clothes that I keep ordering via internet...I have spent A LOT this year doing this, and I don't know what I have to show for it, because I don't have any new work clothes...I have gotten a lot of nice underwear and stuff, but I am wondering where the money went because I don't feel that I have much to show for it all...perhaps I will just cancel this card!!! Then I will have only two cc left, one with the big balance, and one will be clear, and this will be my emergency/charge only if I can afford it card (because I get points on this card that I use for free groceries).

So what's hard for me right now is that since the middle of January through the end of April, I had a job that paid really well. Nothing spectacular, and the job was really difficult for me to deal with (partly because it was so boring and was so going nowhere), but the paycheque allowed me to accompish so much and get so much closer to being in a better financial position. And now I am back to short duration temp jobs that pay 64% less than this last job did. I've only had two weeks work out of the last four, and at the lower pay, so money is not such a happy subject for me right now. It is just really hard for me to accept that my time is all of a sudden worth so much less. That is what I am having such a hard time dealing with right now. I don't have work for next week, but I know the temp agency is trying hard to find something for me (I got a call this morning--they never call on weekends, but she was trying to line something up for me for monday, but it fell through).

Even at the lower rate of pay I suspect that I am still generally making more than if I found my own permanent job independently of the temp agency, because so many companies pay absolutely rock bottom minimum wage for the type of work that I am getting through the agency. The other thing is that I don't really know what I want to do, and don't want to make a commitment to a permanent job if I don't think that I am going to stay there.

I just wanted to whine about how difficult it is emotionally to go back to making such a small amount of money for my time...I have so many qualifications but I know there isn't work in the well paying field that I am qualified for...It's just hard to accept that one menial job paid 64% more than all the other menial jobs...Does that make sense?

Anyway, I am doing okay for the most part because I know that I am really blessed to have enough money to pay my bills and eat well, and my bf got a great summer job, and I have family that loves me...but the emotional impact of going back to a lower rate of pay was more than I realized it would be. Thanks for listening if you got this far.

Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 5:44pm
I know how you feel. It's tough for a lot of people right now.

We finally got a tiny raise at work (after nothing for 3 years) but right

away they're asking us to pay more for health insurance.

So you just can't win.

At least you're learning how to manage your money. That will take you a long way

no matter how much you earn. Sometimes if you make more, you just spend more anyway. So I guess you'll have to get creative and do the best you can on your smaller salary. It's not a reflection on your talent or worth, it's just the job market.

I hope a great job comes your way soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 9:25pm
Hi rebecca,

Sorry you're so bummed out today, I can sympathise, I did two low paying office jobs right after I got out of my one year business college course... then left yucky job #2 and finished three years of university, then marriage busted up so I had to go back to work again, it was a decent enough paying job though luckily, but then the company got overthrown while I was out on maternity leave and I didn't go back... so now i've been home for 5 years and have looked into a couple part time evening/weekend positions, and everyone wants to pay minimum wage or close to it to people who've been out of work for 5 years. I guess it just takes 'stick to it-ness' to hang in there for the right job.

My brothers gf finished an Engineering course in university, has $40,000 in student loans, and works as a waitress! It's unreal.

Hang in there, this is all part of the journey. How does that saying go?... "Happiness is a journey, not a destination..." or something like that. Sounds good to me :)