I'm Back with a plan (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm Back with a plan (m)
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 8:40am
I've decided to cancel the long distance on the phone, and since I have an ING acct. I will be transferring money into the acct. i've decided to just keep us so broke paying the bills and saving that he can't spend the money. I know that I enable my DH to spend, I've been trained that way from birth. My mom was a single parent and it always fell to me to give up something I wanted so that the younger kids could have what they wanted and it has carried over into my marriage, I'm just so "used" to being the one who does without and of course DH takes full advantage of my "weakness." My DH was also raise to be the way he is, his father would give his mom money for bills and groceries and she would spend it on clothes or other little knick knacks. Thanks for all the responses yesterday, I do plan to go back to counseling as soon as I can free up some money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 11:53am
Free help can be had at Alanon or Coda Meetings (Codependents Anonymous). Counseling is expensive and I think it would be wise for you to find a good twelve step meeting and start attending. Your enabling behavior is what really allows this to continue.

You cannot control his spending but you can understand how you enable him and stop.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 3:23pm
I am glad you have plan and I agree with the other poster. See what you can do to get counseling or support for free or little cost. The problem won't go away because you have hid the money (it may temporarily). How do you know he won't spend it anyway? You really need to address the underlying problems for which money is only the symptom.

Good Luck to you.