Debt makes me feel like I am a loser!

Avatar for noahs_mommy2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Debt makes me feel like I am a loser!
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 12:33pm
Man, I am always on an emotional roller coaster. One day I will be fine and then the next day I find out a check bounced and I feel like my life is over. I try to hold the attitude that money does not make me who I am but I can't help but feel too overwhelmed. Does anyone else go through this? I seriously am considering getting some counseling because I feel like I can't handle the stress over my bills, bounced checks, late fees, etc. Every little thing gets to me. Am I just too sensitive? For instance, I just found out a check bounced which is going to cost me some fees and I suddenly feel like I need to retreat to my apartment and get in the bed and stay away from people. I don't feel like I can do anything. I had this happen last week also and I had to take the rest of the afternoon off because I felt like I was going to freak if I didn't retreat. I keep feeling like the cops are going to come and take me away because I am a bad person because of these checks. I mean, when a check bounces it is usually because my deposit hasn't gone through to the bank in time. It isn't like I don't pay for it. Then on top of all of this, I worry about getting another job. I am going to graduate next May with a degree in Paralegal Studies. Will employers do a credit check on me? Can my debt keep me from getting a better paying job? I am so confused and so lonely right now. I am so sorry to be laying all of this out right now but I felt like if I didn't tell someone what I am feeling I would go crazy. Does anyone else go through this? Got any advice for me on handling my stress? I really appreciate anything you all can give me. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 1:23pm
Tammie, you are not a loser. I know it's stressful when you have money trouble. You're main complaint seems to be bounced checks. I know its hard when you come up short before payday but please don't write anymore checks unless you are sure your deposit has cleared. Maybe you should stop writing any checks and go to cash. Use money orders to pay your bills for a while. The bounced check fees are only causing you more stress and less money. Try to develop a budget and eliminate having to float checks before your deposit is in the bank. When you are in control of your money you'll feel in control of your life.

For your question about employers doing credit checks. I read recently that most employers do a credit check but they aren't allowed to withhold a job offer based on your credit report unless the job involves you handling money. Then they reason you might be tempted if you are in debt. With a tight job market you want to have every advantage so try now to develop good financial habits.

You can do this.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 1:30pm
Hi, Please either buy or borrow Mary Hunt's "Debt Proof Living" book and I guarantee you that you won't be living under that stress anymore. It's worth the expense if you buy it. She was $100,000 in debt, the queen of bouncing checks & evading bills, stressed out completely but figured out how to take control of the money rather than it controlling her.

It has turned many lives around. The principles are so easy and logical, yet so many of us don't know them. It's one thing to get snippets of advise off the boards, but this book is like a smart woman's complete bible to finances.

And you're definitely NOT a loser, people about to graduate with a degree definitely have smarts, you just haven't learned household money management... YET! I muddled along for years with our household finances, while doing a bangup job managing millions for big companies... household finances are a breed to themselves and nobody ever teaches us the smart stuff to do!

And this book is all the counselling you'd ever need.


Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 1:38pm
Tammie - I'm so sorry these things are happening to you right now. It sounds to me that your problem may not be money so much as it is timing. Have you considered changing the due dates on some of your bills so that you *know* your check will clear before you even write or mail the check? You can absolutely call your creditors and request different due dates. I did this for my student loans, my car, and my visa bill. All creditors were very accomodating.

I'm a paralegal, and my employers have run credit checks on me - and my last job was terribly, terribly embarassing to go over each and every negative item on my credit report to explain them in detail. It was a humiliating experience. *But* the reason I'm telling you this is in the end they hired me despite my negative credit because I had explanations for the negative items.

I know that you want to hide under the covers, but maybe reorganizing your due dates will help so that you don't run into this again in the future.

All my best - feel better!


All my best,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 1:47pm
I can totally relate. My moods seem to be directly affected by my bank balance. I try not to do it too, but sometimes it's just overwhelming.

Sometimes we need hugs, and sometimes we need a kick in the pants. Right now I need a kick in the pants, and seeing this in black and white, and knowing I'm not the only one, already makes me feel better. I think the other poster hit the nail on the head - stop writing checks until the money clears your account. You're better off with a single late fee, rather than a late fee AND an overdraft fee.

I hope you have a better afternoon, and don't need to retreat.

I actually got a worry stone, and it helped a lot. Talk about feeling like a loser! A little smooth bauble makes me feel better? puleeze... but it does.

All the best,

Lee Ann

Lee Ann

Avatar for noahs_mommy2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 4:02pm
Thanks everyone for responding. I think you all are right. I am going to try to stop writing checks and pay my bills with either cash or money orders so that I won't have to deal with the worry any more. I will keep you all posted on my progress.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 10:15am

I am new here, but after reading your post, I felt like I was reading my own words. I go through it too. My husband and i are about 17 000 in debt and it is so hard. We are always broke, budgeting is nearly impossible and it really brings out the worst in us both. However I am the one who deals with it all, the calls, the harassing letters, the banking. There are times where I feel so swamped and scared that I can literally feel my heart beating out of my chest. It seems everytime I try to get things on track something else happens.

I really feel like you do, I find since this has all gotten out of hand right now, I am less sociable, always on edge and this is primarily the only thing I think about.

You are not alone.