Very discouraging evening...
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|Sun, 06-15-2003 - 10:27pm|
Tonight something surfaced that's made me very unhappy and discouraged, and now I need to find ways to cope with it. My specific question is what happens to a spouse's credit report when his/her name is added to a specific account.
The situation in question is a credit line account that dh ran up ($1000) without my knowledge a couple years ago and then failed to pay. I've known about the credit line for about a year, but he kept saying he was paying it. But the amount never seemed to go down (I checked his credit report a couple times), so finally I told him I would take over payments, but that I needed to start getting the statements. The statements seemed to stop coming. He then said he hadn't gotten a statement "in a while" but didn't know how long. So he told me he called and they were going to send payment coupons and that the account was not delinquent. The coupons never came. So he said he called them again and they couldn't send coupons, but they'd send a letter and start getting the statements to our address (supposedly they had been sent to the wrong address). Still they never came. So I had him call and set up online statements, and they said they'd send a password by mail. It never came. By this time, I was already pretty worked up and *very* suspicious that he was hiding something from me.
Tonight I had him sign up for an online credit report from Transunion, and guess what? That account shows up as charged off "as bad debt." Surprise. In addition, there's a $63 charge from the same bank but a different account (?) that he claims not to recognize but that has gone to collection. I am very angry. Dh is a wonderful person and has many qualities for which I am glad he's my husband, but I am so upset by this. I feel like I can't trust him with money at all. He is very understanding, and agrees that he shouldn't be trusted with money. He doesn't have an explanation. He's agreed to see a counselor about it, but I'm not sure what a counselor can do to help.
Anyway, to alleviate at least the financial portion of the strain, I plan to sign up to monitor his credit report so he can't do anything like this again. He agrees that this is a good course of action.
But the question remains what to do about the specific accounts in question. The account is currently in his name only, so at least it doesn't show on my report (but then, my report is useless for anything like a mortgage, because I don't have income). The down side is, I can't do anything with the account. And I don't trust him to get it sorted out. I really want him to add me to the account so I can call and get it sorted out. I'm hoping that if I offer to pay installments they'll remove the charge off from his record. I don't know whether that's possible, but at least I can be the one calling and finding out what's going on, since I don't know whether dh actually will or won't and whether he'll do what needs to be done and tell me the truth and so on. But I'm worried what that account will do to my nearly perfect credit record (I have high balances, but almost no delinquencies and certainly no charge-offs or collections). If he adds me at this point, will the charge-off show on my credit report? Or will it show only activity *after* I'm added to the account?
Any other advice for getting this under control? Anybody btdt? Anybody btdt and survived with a happy marriage in tact? I'm not anywhere near wishing for an end to the marriage--he's really terrific in so many ways, and we're so like-minded about many very important things like parenting and lifestyle--but I also am very discouraged and tired of feeling like I can't depend on him. We have the issue of dependability in other areas too (like items he was supposed to sell ages ago, maintenance he's supposed to get done on his car, etc., that I have to remind and remind and remind and remind and they still don't get done!). I'm just so tired of it. And then I'm so discouraged because I want to move to the country *so bad*--I want a back yard and big trees and garden, I want woods and streams for my children to play in while I work outdoors--and I thought we were making progress but I feel like this kind of thing just sets us back again. I feel like it's never going to happen because whatever I do, dh is undoing it. I know it's not that extreme--he has gotten better in his habits, and at least he hasn't run the debt up much further than it was two years ago, but still it's discouraging to feel like we're making progress and then, whamo.
Sorry for dumping all that. I meant to only very matter-of-factly ask my debt specific question, but I guess I needed to get the rest off my chest too. I don't feel right talking about this with irl friends, as I don't want people thinking badly of dh, especially since our friends are all mutual friends.
Thank you so much for any specific advice, as well as thoughts, opinions, and words of comfort.