Please help-afraid to tell husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Please help-afraid to tell husband
6
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 6:24pm
I have manged to hide the fact from my husband that I have huge credit card debt. We are refinancing our house which would be a perfect time to get $ to pay it off, but I am afraid he will freak out when he learns this! he is a great guy but much better with $ than me -I'm also afraid that if I don't tell him he may learn from the credit report. Help! What do I say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 6:49pm
You've got to tell him asap!

I'm on the other side of that equation--my husband hid debt from me, and then later pretended to be taking care of it and for a year hid from me the fact that he wasn't paying anything on that debt.

I finally found out by checking his credit report.

Let me tell you--it would have gone far easier on him if he had told me *at any point* before I found out for myself.

This is not the end of the world. I don't know how your husband will react, but you can come through this. I was very angry and said a lot of nasty things, and I won't trust dh with money again for a long time, but once the worst had passed, I was glad just to know and to be able to start fixing the mistakes.

He's a wonderful man and a great dh, and I wouldn't trade him for anything. I just wish he had told me the truth along the way!

I hope you are able to gather your courage. You've made a great first step coming here for support. You can do this. Be strong!

Blessings,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 9:07pm
Thanks for the support-I know you are right. I just thought I could fix it before he ever found out. It's my problem not his so I didn't want to trouble him with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 4:55am
I completely understand--and I'm glad you posted this. This is exactly what my husband said he was doing all that time. Talk about a state of denial on his part! LOL Anyway, it's nice for me to hear you say that, as it helps me believe that that's really what he was thinking. Sometimes it's hard for me to see it from his point of view, and it helps to hear from others who have that particular issue in common with him.

Hugs and positive tell-him-now vibes,

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:14am
Ow God you sound like me. exact story. I told my husband the other day. Yes he was not to happy but at least I got it off my chest. $30,000 of debt is getting difficult to hid. Plus I am scared out of my mind.

Good luck to you

Christine

Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:52pm
i suggest you tell him before he finds out on his own. the best policy is to be honest.

good luck,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 8:07pm
Hi there,

It's nice to know that someone is in the exact boat as me. I haven't said the words yet(I am scared out of my mind). How did you tell?