husband hasn't work & going into debt

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
husband hasn't work & going into debt
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 9:42pm
Hi, I'm really hoping someone here can help. My husband is a consultant and is struggling terribly to get work. Everyday he's absolutely depressed which makes it harder for him to try to get work. To make things worse, he hates his work. He really wants to change careers but is totally confused what to do, as we have financial obligations and we can't afford to have him go back to school (he has an associates degree and feels he's not qualified to do anything). In the meantime, my salary just covers the mortgage but isn't enough to cover the bills. I am really scared. We just don't have enough money coming in, my husband is in a terrible state of fear which leads to immobilization on his part. I can't make him take action, he's too depressed. I just don't know what to do. I am trying so hard to be a supportive, loving and reassuring wife, but nothing seems to help him achieve any type of clarity what to do in his life and help him move forward. Does anyone have any advice? Going into debt for the first time in my life and I don't know how to handle it at all.

Thank you so much.
Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 9:01am

I really don't have any advice on how to convince your DH he needs to be bringing in more income. I know you say he's depressed but have you shown him the bills that he needs to do something or things will just get worse?

You might want to also check out the Money & Relationship board, they may have some suggestions on how to get your hubby less immobilized

My only other thinking was could he get into a support group of some sort, just to get him out of the house? I know when my DH got laid off, he found a support group and it was wonderful because he had someone to go and people to talk to that would also give him some concrete ideas, etc... Or see if the library has some free speakers, park district, etc... Just things that won't cost money and will get him involved somehow.

Good Luck and I know how tough things are right now.


Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 9:09am
Has your husband been evaluated by a doctor? I'm wondering if the depression has advanced to the point where pulling himself out is too daunting, and medication or therapy or a combination of the two may be in order?

Here is a link to the Depression Support Board: I'm not an expert in depression, but I do know it can be imobilizing, and sometimes short-term meds are used to jump start some people back into everyday life.

Ultimately, there is nothing you can do to make your husband take action. He can only decide that for himself. Perhaps recommending medical intervention is the most loving/supportive thing you can do at this time.

Hope this helps. Welcome to the DSG.


All my best,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 9:58am
try truck driving,

it takes 2 weeks training now with companys that will train you, you have to sign on for so long.

My hubby brings home 600-800 a week take home.

paid on mileage.

he can work get bills paid and save up to go back to school.

I am putting in soon for temporary route driver for post office 13.05 an hour

check out your local post office and see if they have any openings like that and he could work as a fill in and still go back to school there are alot of things he can do.

My dad when I was 15 quit chrysler they wanted to make him a general foreman but didn't want it because of the deaths of the others, so he quit went back got his high school diploma quit high school to go navy, and then went to college and got his teaching degree.

during this time he did paper route, worked in the gas station (cashier) and did odd jobs for friends and family, my mom worked sears doing billing part time went full time during this and me and my brother got summer jobs, I did billing for the water dept and my brother did golf caddy. My older brother was working a regular job.

It is a matter of pulling together to get what needs to be done we scrimp got some food stamps but that was it.