What to do with dh?

Avatar for mquin73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What to do with dh?
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 5:21pm
I don't know what to do with dh anymore. A little background - dh and I have cc debt of $35,000 and an auto loan $23,000. We do own our home (on loan of course) and just refinanced it a couple mos ago. We are paying out as much if not a little more each month than what we have coming in. So already we are completely strapped for cash. We are really trying hard to not incur any new debt, but it's starting to get a little difficult. Haven't used the cc's for at least 3 wks. We plan on selling the new vehicle and buying my sisters car which will only be a $10,000 loan and drop our pmts by $200 a mo. This mo we have been even more strapped for cash cuz dh was at his annual training (he's national guard) and didn't get a full paycheck from his civilian job on the 13th and didn't get one on the 20th (he gets pd every wk). Last wk I couldn't pay his aunt that watches our kids and told her that I would pay her when he gets pd. Anyway, he's notorious for frivilously spending money. Hasn't been real bad for awhile but I have to constantly get after him for using it for buying his lunch (which he's supposed to be taking his lunch) and some other stupid things. Yesterday he spent $17 for beer to drink with the *guys* and today he spent $8 for lunch. I'm so tired of getting after him like a little kid, but I for one am a little jealous b/c it's been awhile since I've eaten lunch out (other than last Thur - but it was free for me) and I can't go out and buy some new work clothes or get a haircut and even buy food like we need to. Now, we won't starve as I have stockpiled lots of stuff, but we still need the essentials (bread, milk, eggs, etc.) I am so sick and tired of feeling like he doesn't sacrifice enough when I know that I am. I know this may sound petty, but I'm just tired of it, even the little bits of spending. I have already talked to him about writing down all the money he spends but he just thinks it useless. I am always the one looking ahead and figuring out what we will have to pay and he lives in the "now".

I just don't know what to do with him. Thanks for letting me vent.


signature 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 8:59am
Hi Michelle,

What an awful situation, I really feel for you.

If it were me, I'd make him responsible for paying his aunt. That way *he* can be the one who realizes there isn't enough money, be embarrassed, and maybe wake up.

Good luck!!

Lee Ann

Lee Ann


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 11:19pm
A 23,000 car loan???

What about a cash car (used car) - its a lot cheaper, and its paid for!

Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 8:41am
Could you set up an allowance or something like that?

An amount that you both can agree on that he is free to spend anyway

he would like to. But he also has to give up the debit card or

agree not to use it. Maybe you could also get a small amount

of fun money that you can use for whatever you want.

I agree about the car. $23,000 is over the top. $10,000 is still expensive,

especially if you're having a hard time buying groceries.

How about a decent $5000 car? You can find some good deals, in good condition,

with plenty of life left. And then when you catch up a little you could

buy a nicer one. Just my input. I realize everyone has different priorities

and is used to different things.

Avatar for mquin73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 10:04am
I have talked to dh and told him I will give him $20 a wk and that when he needs gas for the car he is to let me know so I can give him money specifically for that. And yes a $23,000 auto loan is alot, however, I got the vehicle last yr while dh was activated with his National Guard unit and was bringing home $800 more a mo. And the only reason I got it was b/c we needed to get another vehicle since dh was coming home soon and we cannot survive on one vehicle and also we got 0% financing. I know that I shouldn't have gotten it, but it's too late now. We do plan on selling it and buying my sisters car, like I said for $10,000. It is a nice, decent vehicle and I have to have a reliable one as I am the one that drives the kids around and I also travel to areas around the city and within the state for work. So an older vehicle than the one I'm getting is not an option.

As far as buying groceries, I have alot of stuff stockpiled so we will not starve by any means. This month was just bad b/c dh had his 2wk training and got a full paycheck the wk he left, got a partial paycheck the 2nd wk, and nothing the wk he was coming home from his reg job. He did get pd from his AT just yesterday, which is more than what he makes at his reg job in 2wks, so we are fine right now. Just trying to get up some cash to snowflake to debt, which I have discussed numerous time with dh. Even though I have decluttered alot of stuff from home there are still lots that I can get rid of, so I plan on having a garage sale soon.

Thank you all for your input I really do appreciate it!


signature 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 6:55pm
Sounds like you have good plans!

My husband used to do a lot of "unconscious" spending. Money would just slip through his fingers. He had no idea how much money he was spending on frivolous stuff. And he would be surprised when we ran out of money before the end of the month.

The only thing that works for us is having a spending plan that we both agreed to. He gets a set amount of spending money and so do I. This means I don't have to go around nagging him all the time. Nagging doesn't work; it just causes friction and resentment. But a PLAN does work!

Good luck to you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 06-26-2003 - 7:34pm
1. get a car you can pay cash for 1000 I have a van no major problems and runs.

2. get rid of the new car your living beyond your means cut corners where ever you can.

3. hubby gets and allowance mine gets 40$ a week to use for tolls and fuel for the refer on the semi. If he runs out he gets a cash advance from the company on his paycheck no more than 50.

that isn't happening to much he has a ref. and microwave in the truck.

4. pinch pennys, save your change at the end of the day and roll it to put in a savings account every month.

5. remember to pay your self 1st get that pay check in the bank set up a savings program I do 20 - 25 a week in my ing account and now up to 250

6. if he can't write it down just save the receipts and give it to you at the end of the day.

Cut out any unnecessary expenses if you don't need cable or satelite get rid of it

internet get lowest cost you can for your area.

re do your phone bills shop around for better prices on insurance for house and car

phone line internet what ever you can get your best price.