What made DH see the light???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-1999
What made DH see the light???
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 10:07am
Dear friends,

Some of y'all that post here talk about DHs who have spending problems that have lead you and your families to debt and unhappiness. I had a conversation with someone last week about her situation with her husband and his uncontrolled spending that has lead them into quite a bit of finacial trouble and family unhappiness. I want her to read some of your stories that may make her feel not so alone. I'll have her go thru this wonderful board, but if anyone hasn't posted before and has a story to tell or if you have something to say on the topic, please post it here!

What I'd really like to know is what finally made your DH or family member see the light that the debts need to paid? What did it take? A loss of property? Embarassment? Arrest? Divine intervention?

Thank you in advance for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are all stars!!!!!! Littlesbigs

Avatar for lvhunnie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 1:30am
Well, I don't know if you remember my situation but I was let go from my job due to a misdemeanor that I had when I was 19 years old. Once it has been vacated by the municipal court, I can return to work. In the meantime, I am still receiving paychecks for the tons of hours that I have worked over time. DH was sitting there calculating my overtime and what I made hourly, and finally realized that we can totally clear our debt by next year. I work in the mortgage industry and it is out of control busy all the time, that OT is pretty much guaranteed. Plus, in my position, I have a 72 hour time limit for when files leave my hands, so I have no choice but to stay late and work weekends sometimes. I don't know what he was thinking or doing but he finally saw the light! He turned and told me that that he finally understands why I have been hounding him about his $8-$9 lunches that he buys everyday. He has agreed to spend only $20 for lunch in a 2 week peroid. The rest of the time, he will bring food from home. In fact, today was the 1st day in our 7 year relationship that he has EVER brought lunch to work. He also agreed that if he uses the debit card over the $20, it will be taken out of his next 2 weeks allowance. Hallelujah ladies...there is hope out there.

Also, he gave me all the credit cards and I have hidden them from him.


Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 9:49am

happy dance for you. glad to hear your husband finally had a wake up call.

may i suggest that you freeze the credit cards. put them in a metal can w/water in the freezer.


Avatar for mquin73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 12:28pm
Well, my dh I think is finally getting it. I'm hoping anyway! He has seemed to have gotten it before, but then forgotten it! LOL Out of site out of mind! lol That's why I try to let him know where we stand pretty frequently. He gets depressed about it more than I do, but I just try to remind him that what we need to do is work harder at getting it paid down. Part of the reason our debt is so high is b/c when he joined the military these were the things that racked up our debt: I paid for flying down to see him, staying in a hotel, food, gas, rental car, we flew out to Vegas and got married, he spent more than he should have out there (gambling), him flying home once during the holiday, I paid his cc off 3 times (twice with money I had in savings and once w/ my cc - about $800 ea time) b/c I was pg at the time and didn't know if he would need to come home in an emergency, paid for him to fly home when I did have the baby (wasn't an emergency but I wanted him here), him traveling back/forth when he did get to his duty station (by car), we bought another car during that time, I finally moved with him (took a $10,000 yr paycut), paying to survive while in the military, had another child, and then also paying for christmas gifts one yr and daycare for ds. Those were the main things contributing to our debt, which has been going on for about 5 1/2 yrs now. So, now that we have expended all of our credit, we are getting serious about paying it off! lol I know, should have realized it a long time ago, but didn't. And since he doesn't pay the bills he doesn't see all of this all the time.

Well, that's my story. I have confiscated all his cards (including debit cards) and am only giving him $20 a wk. If he needs gas or anything he has to ask me for the money. We'll see how it goes now! lol


signature 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 1:25pm
For a long time, a couple years ago when we were in a worse financial situation than we are now, DH wouldn't even look at the finances. At that time he was in school, and the excuse was that he wasn't contributing anything so why should he look at the bills, he can't do anything about them. (That made me SO mad!) That honestly didn't change until he was working f/t again and feeling like he was making a contribution.

While I admit that I still feel that I provide the spark of motivation in all matters budget - whether it's sitting down and refiguring something, getting on a debt repayment plan, etc., I do feel like once we've started, DH is fully onboard.

We're on a 'cash only' basis, which has been the best thing we ever did financially. We each get an allowance (the same amount - if you're to be on equal footing, DH's have to know that whatever they want to spend, you have to have an equal amount, it's only fair) which we can spend on anything we want. This means I don't have to 'monitor' his spending, which is a great relief to us both. Every week we take out cash for our living expenses like gas and groceries - it's the same amount every week, when it's gone, it's gone. Everything else, we don't really see - it goes to planned expenses, savings, debt repayment. And our budget includes everything we can possibly plan for - haircuts, oil changes, gifts, holidays, vacations, etc. - so there are as few surprises as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 3:43pm


Glad hubby is letting you be in control. It sounds like he needed help.

Since you work in the mortgage industry I wanted to know if I could ask you a question.

What can someone do who does not meet the loan to debt ratios? We would like to combine our 1st mortgage and equity loan for a lower payment. We have a VA 30 year mortgage and that is what we would like to keep. We would have more than 20 equity we were not using.

What if a friend co-signed the loan? They would have good credit and little unsecured debt. What can we do? I am not sure even if we borrow on the 401K if we can get the loan to debt ratios down to 28% to 36%. I was hoping for a 5% 30 year mortgage. If the interest rate is over 7 or 7.5% we are probably not interested.

Could you e mail me a reply? Mctripat@comcast.net


Trish or Mctripat@comcast.net