Help! How do you deal with envy....

Avatar for tmccray
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Help! How do you deal with envy....
18
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:14am
Hi!

Lately, it seems that I've been going to all of these BEAUTIFUL homes (I'm also in the party plan business). You know the kind I'm talking about...those 5,000 square foot homes with beautiful floors, built in appliances, luxurious carpet, wonderful accessories....

I dream of a house like that!!!! I want a house like that NOW. Right now, my hubby and I own (well, the bank really owns it...) a 2br/1bath split level townhome. I want hardwood floors, I want an open floor plan, I want to be able to spend $100s at Pottery Barn!

A house like that would go for over $250,000 here in Colorado, and my hubby and I are NOWHERE near that! Plus, we want to have kids in the next couple of years.

I also have envy with cars because I LOVE cars so much.

How do you deal with the envy...I mean sometimes it hits me so hard that these people have these things and I won't have them for a very long time....

Help!!!!!!

Tracie (completely consumed by the green-eyed monster today)

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Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:28am

Tracie - it's all a matter of figuring out what is more important to you - a house that stretches your budget to the breaking point every month, or an affordable home that allows you to pursue a family.

All my best,
Danni

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:41am

I agree with Danni!!


You have to realize that a lot of those people in those houses are mortgaged to the hilt (or are Realtors that have been doing it for a very long time!!!

Avatar for tmccray
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:59am
I know...I know...

I know all that, but I still get misty-eyed when I see such beautiful stuff. Plus, it's just me and my hubby and our little adorable puppy, so all that house would be too much for us, plus the energy required to keep it looking like a showroom....

I'm usually pretty satisfied with the little bit that we have (mostly because he was laid off for so long), but sometimes, I just feel soooooooooo jealous!!!!!!!!!

I'll try and write down my list of HAVES, so that I can see all of my blessings!

Tracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:49am
Hi Tracie,

Boy, do I know how you are feeling. I vented some of my frustration in my post below - "Keeping Up with the Family...errr Joneses." I live in Los Angeles, which according to a recent Mercer poll, is the #22 most expensive city to live in the world. On the same token, it is 3rd most expensive city in the U.S. -behind NY City & White Plains, NY. I just checked my current zip code for median home prices and it's now up to $500K for an average house .... very depressing :( My BF, who moved here from Orlando, FL 1.5yrs ago is getting even more depressed than me. All his friends (who make alot less than we do) are buying new houses in very desirable parts of Orlando & Tampa for under $200K. His parents custom built their house (by a lake) replete with a jacuzzi & pool for under $250K - and they live in one of MONEY magazine's "Most Desired Places to Retire." I've lived in L.A all my life, so I am pretty much used to this lifestyle. I don't think it occurred to me until the last few yrs, however, how expensive it really is to live here and maintain a good quality of life. It does get envying hearing about brand new homes by lakes or rivers that are going for $100K. Sheesh, $100K in LA may buy you one room in a condo- if you're lucky!

My BF mentioned the cost of living again to me last night. My response to him: "At this point (we're both 29yo), I'm not even considering buying a house. I just want to be debt free. That's my goal."

Anyway, that's my whine for the morning. Sorry I can't offer you any advice, as I am pretty much in the same boat.

Take care,

~Claire

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:57am

Claire,


Is it possible your bf was fishing around for whether or not you would consider moving to a more affordable part of the country?


All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 12:27pm
Danni,

You're absolutely right. He has been "skirting" around the issue of moving to FL, but I prefer to stay in CA. It doesn't help (my cause) that all his family & friends are in FL. However, for what my BF does for a living (computer animation), CA is IT. Almost all the major movie studios, as well video games companies, are here. (Lucky me... hehe) Along the same note, I'm not sure if I'd be able to find comparable finance jobs (preferably in institutional investing) in FL, as most of those jobs are in cities such as San Fran, NY, Boston, Philly, LA.

~Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 1:15pm

If it helps you feel any better the houses in my neighborhood are 1000-1200 sq. feet and currently sell for $245-$265, 000. We live in a very densly populated college town and the housing market is HUGELY inflated. We are very fortunate to have found a home in a nice, working-class

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 3:05pm
I know exactly what you're talking about, and probably most of us here do. I live in the most expensive area of the country, beating out even California, and I know people who live in those houses and are *not* mortgaged up to the hilt - some of them own their McMansions outright, others are paying off $500K mortgages, but when you are making $500K a year, you can afford that plus a whole lot more. To complicate matters, I had the opportunity to have the same kind of job and life that they do, and I turned it down. So I could have all those things, but I chose not to.

I have spent a lot of time kicking myself for that decision, but it was the right one, and that is what keeps me grounded when envy starts to grip me. I chose not to get on the partner path with my company because I could not believe that God wanted me to put work before the children he gave me. I didn't want to have a big house, a swimming pool, and the ability to retire when I was 50 if it meant I'd have kids who never saw me. My children's spiritual upbringing is very important to me, and even though my SAHD husband can give them a lot, that's not one of those things he can give them. I could not give my kids material things and a strong spiritual life, because I can only be in one place at a time. So when the desire for "things" hits me, I remember why I turned down the chance to have them, and it pulls me back to where I am now. God gave me my children, not to give them Pottery Barn-furnished rooms - wonderful as that might be - but to give them myself and a love of him. Of course, if I could have *both* that would be nice, but that would mean I'd have to have a completely different husband who either was a religious SAHD or a high earner who could allow *me* to stay home - and frankly, I kinda like the husband I have. ;)

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:02pm
I can totally sympathize with what you are going through. I work in an area where the houses start at $400K, and all the developments have just popped up in the last 5-6 years. Where all these people are working to be able to afford that kind of housing amazes me! And, I live in an area of Virginia where the cost of living is not that high.

But, here is something to keep in mind...

One of my friend's fathers works for the electric company, and he has told us time and again that every week he finds himself going into one of those neighborhoods to cut off the electricity because people can't pay their bills.

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:21pm
"One of my friend's fathers works for the electric company, and he has told us time and again that every week he finds himself going into one of those neighborhoods to cut off the electricity because people can't pay their bills."

Now that is *really* interesting! We vacationed in the Maryland suburbs of Washington DC in April, and I could not believe the size of the houses going up all over the northwest suburbs.

Another reason (for me) to be glad not to live in a house the size of my best friend's house (he has a 5500sf McMansion) is the upkeep. I think it is a total waste of natural resources to heat and light a house that size when something so much smaller would do. And I definitely don't want to waste my time thinking about cleaning ladies and pool maintenance people, and how to furnish this room or that. I'm just not that much of a "thing" person, and I think there are much better things to spend my time on than shopping for and taking care of *things*.

And...on the subject of trade-offs to own those things... I see how much time my friend with the big house spends on work...and despite the fact that he gets to vacation in exotic places while I trot down to the Jersey shore every summer, I head off with nothing to think about but my family, while he still has to attend to the company, even on vacation. Now, he does it for lots of reasons other than affording his big house, but being able to have free time is a huge benefit of choosing a smaller-scale life.

Kelly

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