Limited income, BIG goals....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Limited income, BIG goals....
14
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:47pm
I seem to have reached a turning point in my life - at least, what I feel SHOULD be a turning point, anyway. Thirty is looming, most of my friends are married, and some have started serious careers.

Right now I have three goals:

1. Pay off debt.

2. Buy a house.

3. Get married.

*not necessarily in that order, of course.

How on earth do you pay debt, AND save for two different goals? I have ideas in my mind for a wedding that could quite conceivably cost less than $5000 - keeping the guest list small, I have a photographer friend, I could make my own cake, I could make my own bouquets/centerpieces using silk flowers, and I am even willing to resell the dress. But that's still $5000 that COULD go to the downpayment on a house, OR paying a significant chunk of debt. *sigh*... How do you do it all?

Thanks for listening - just needed to vent.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:03am
Hello Unicorn,

I know this comes as uninvited advice, but I have organized quite a few weddings during these past months, and maybe have a few ideas how you could even cut down those estimated 5.000 $ which - you are absolutely right there - could go into repaying debt or a house down payment. But first of all: Congrats to having your priorities so clear! I am a bit over 30 now (and married, but without house LOL), and wish I had my priorities clear a lot earlier than I actually had.

The most money spent on any wedding budget usually is the room, the food, and, biggest chunk of all: Beverages. I have no idea what size a 'small' guest list is for you: the last wedding I organized was for my best friend (female), who married my best friend (male); they had invited appx. 50 people, and all including the whole bill was closer to 2.000 than to 2.500 $. That did include a dress sewn by her mother, a long and anxious week of trying to find a pair of shoes fitting AND not too expensive, and a suit for him that was picked up during a holiday trip in a country where clothes are considerably cheaper. Oh, and it included a band playing life music - but I admit that a group of friends and colleagues threw together some money to pay half of the music.

If you start early, like 10 - 12 months before you actually want to have the ceremony, you have ample time to find people eager to help you, and also can look for a nice but affordable place to stage the whole thing, look into questions of food (I always try to find cooks in training, eager to try out their skills 'for real' without anyone peeking over their shoulder all the time for not much more money than the groceries bill, or find someone in the family to do the cooking and preparations), etc.

... I hope this helps a bit...

Greetings, Jordis

ivy_jordis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:55am
Thanks for the response. Wow, $2500 for 50 people? That's not bad! But I have a feeling SO would even balk at that.

After 2 and a half years, we are finally talking about marriage (he's been married before, so I'm sure he didn't want to rush anything this time). We aren't formally engaged, but at least we are talking about it. I flatly refuse to have a quiet trip to city hall - I'd rather not get married at all. Call it spite, because HE got to have a traditional wedding before, or just call it "not wanting to crush a girl's dreams of a nice wedding". LOL.

I have considered making my own dress, and now I guess I will have to. I had my heart set on a gorgeous gown I could have bought "off the rack" for around $800, but I may be able to re-create some less formal version of it myself (minus the intricate beadwork - sigh). My original guest list rounded out at about 50, but I could cut that in half still. I am now thinking about an intimate little ceremony at this little chapel that charges $150 – that includes the officiant, and even a piano player. The reception could then simply be dinner at a nearby restaurant in a little separate room (many restaurants have these). We’d just have to pay for dinner and drinks for 25 people – no cake, no facility rentals, no dj, no fancy decorations, no limo, no nothing. This could possibly cost less than $1500. An even tackier idea could be to ask the guest to pay for their own dinner, and not give us any gifts, but I dunno about that one. :)

At my current salary, I could be debt free in 4 more years. That puts me right at 30. Maybe then we'll begin the house-hunt. SO and I will be looking for a cheaper apartment in the new year for the meantime, and then we'll see what happens - perhaps that 4-year goal could still be shortened.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:53pm

I just wanted to say that I AM turning 30 in oh......21 days. And in the same position.


How do I pay off my debt, save for a wedding, and get out of my folks house (affording and apt/house). AND school. lol


First off, is your DBF not going to help with money for the wedding? cuz it sounds like you have to pay it, the $5k yourself. If not, then how much does he expect you to dish out? Is your debt more imp to pay off? how's his debt?


i.e. I was stressing about my own wedding. same idea, trying to keep it under $5k for 50ppl. Doable, but I don't wanna get anywhere NEAR the $5k. I talked to dbf about it. His answer. "don't worry about it, by the time we need to put deposits and the sort down, I should have money saved up" and I told him I don't want him to have to pay for it all. His answer, "I'd rather see you paying off your debt, so we can live together, easier, and buy a house sooner. Right now, I'm not going to help you pay it off, and you know why (cuz we're not married, and that's udnerstandable), but I do want to be smart about this.".


So, he said he'd take care of the wedding AND honeymoon. Which I'm trying to keep both under $7k total. Cuz I'd rather use a lot of that money for a house. BUT, I also want a honeymoon. Been married twice, never had one. lol.


Anyhow. When you and DBF get a bit more serious, I would start talking about finances and what is the "smartest" thing to do.


Me and DBF have agreed that I pay for his ring, and that's it. The rest, he'll pay for. He's not going to put money to my debt, as of now, it is MY debt. We don't share money and won't until we marry.




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:11pm
Well, we'd both pay for the wedding. Neither of our parents has any money, so it is completely up to us.

We both have debt, combined it is about $32K ($21K is solely mine, thanks to student loans). He has already helped me significantly, by paying for 90% of groceries, etc, to allow me to put more towards my debts. Honestly, he's been wonderful. I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for him (in more ways than one!)

A good friend of mine (who just got married herself last month - a "Big Fat Greek Wedding" type thing that was entirely paid for by the groom's parents), said she would give me $500 towards my wedding, but that was when I was trying to plan for $5K total. Obviously I would certainly not expect that now (I was having doubts about accepting that much in the first place). Part of me is holding out hope that my dad could kick in a few bucks from his income tax refund or something (he usually gets a couple grand a year).

Ah well - where there is a will, there is always a way! It just usually takes time and patience.



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Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:32pm
Well don't feel so bad, I am saving for the same goals you are, only my boyfriend and I do not live together, so I am paying all my living expenses too.

And my debt is higher than the combined total of you and your boyfriend's.

Let me know if you get any good suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:12pm
I have found that the steps to getting out of debt are easy, but following them requires hard work. My goal is D-Day, Debtless Day when I wll become absolutely free of debt. My first step was to pray for the Lord's help and guidance in my journey to D-Day. As I am slowly eliminating my debt, I have been blessed. If I can afford only a small monthly prepayment, I do it. Every little bit helps. You will be in my prayers as well!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 6:11pm

I wanted to tell you that I had 250 people at my wedding and probably spent about $5000.

Pumpkin

&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:15pm
Buying a house is easy. I was in your situation, $30K debt, and I bought a house, no money down, first time home buyer program. True, you will pay more for the house, and or, interest rates will be higher, but after six months, your loan is considered seasoned, and you will be able to refinance at a lower rate. And the mortgage helps your credit. (if you pay on time)

Getting married should not matter. As long as you find a mate that is financially compatible with your goals.

Pay off debt. Just be obsessed with paying it off, reconsolidating at lower interest rates, and systematically paying MORE than the minimum. (especially, you need to take advantage of the teaser rates, while they are low)

Pull your credit now, and start doing the things that will help your score.

1. Make sure your balances are no more than 30% of the max, (effect on score is 30%)

2. make sure you do not have a bunch of credit cards outstanding.

3. Hard inquiries reduce yours score 10%

4. Payment history is also 30%.


You can guarantee that if you were ever a day late, it will show up your credit, and if you paid something perfect for 10 years, it will not show. The single most important thing you can do, is be diligent about what is going on your credit.

I was just like you, instead I wanted to buy an accounting firm. I needed a credit score of 850. But I did it.

I bought the house, I got married, I quit my job and started my practice, (and did I mentioned I did this while I was single mom???)

You can do it. Just have a plan and stick with it. And only hang around people that big goals like yourself.

Regards,

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 9:54am

Lots of great advice so far! :)


When I was planning my wedding-, I can't even remember how many women who were already married told me that the wedding is just a day, the marriage is for a lifetime.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 11:43am
LOL - one of my best friends spent $12,000 on her wedding. Her dad chipped in about $4000, but she and her fiance took out a loan for the rest. In the past 3 years since then, every once in a while she'll blurt out that it was "such a waste of money". They are still struggling hard to pay off that loan, and she wishes they'd done something a little more low-key.

I've got a few ideas - buying a prom dress didn't even occur to me! I was thinking about making my dress (although I've heard it is bad luck for a bride to make her own wedding dress - lol), making my own bouquet out of artificial flowers, having an experienced friend do the pictures, and possibly even making my own cake. I can bake... how hard can it be? Decorations could consist of shaved white chocolate on the sides, and artificial flower toppers - nothing fancy.

The reception always costs the most money - you have dozens, if not hundreds, of people to feed, and entertain. Keeping your guest list small is the single most important cost-saver for any reception! And choosing a venue that comes with it's own linens, music, and service - such as a restaurant - helps even more! Most restaurants don't even charge you a rental fee.



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