would you split up family to pay debt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
would you split up family to pay debt?
8
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 11:22pm
We have the possibility that if we let my military husband do what is called geographical bachelorhood, and the kids and I move home for a couple years til he finishes out his tour here, where it would enable me to go back to work and use my income to get us out of debt by the end of that geobachelor period. We'd be able to begin saving too. We wouldn't get to see him very often, which would be hard on the kids; but I can't stop thinking about the need to do what it takes to get out of debt sooner. We hate it here to say the least.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:02am

Personally, I could not.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 8:23am
I don't know that I could do it either, but that is your decision and your family. Distance can sometimes make you stronger, but it has also been known to cause problems.. temptation arise, you could feel aggravated that he is not there to help parent, and also you will just plain miss each other. You should really think it out and talk to your kids first as well. Good luck and keep us posted!

kel

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 9:12am

I couldn't - a couple *years* is a long time....now a couple months I could deal with but it would be hard...years, no way even if it meant I had to wait longer to get out of debt.


However, I haven't lived the military life but know that it is completely different and depending on how your situation is, could work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 10:39pm
Dh and I are kinda doing that right now lol. He's tdy in TX and it far enough we can't see each other but we could have moved with him. He regrets not taking us but we talked about it months before he had to leave, and the cost of the move there and back just wasn't worth it. A couple years is a long time so maybe you could try it for 9 months to a year and decide if you want to keep doing it. Unfortunately, in the 2 years that dh has been in the army, we have only seen him for 8 months off and on, so him being gone and being apart from him other than financial reasons really sucks. We want to get financially more stable so if this ever happens again, we don't have to be apart because we can't afford it. I know so many military in our situation. Its hard and I wish you the best luck in the world on your decision.
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 9:30am
Never, never, never.

DH and I are used to being apart - we had a long-distance relationship for 6 years, including part of my first pregnancy. But that was when it was just us. Parenting is a full-time commitment, regardless of what your job is, and we could never sacrifice my ability or my husband's ability to parent our children for money or career.

We are not military, so we aren't used to the concept of being deployed elsewhere, which makes the idea hard to even imagine. I know it is different for other people, but I can't imagine voluntarily separating my kids from their dad.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 12:42pm
My parents did this in the late 1980s. My dad, who was in his forties at the time and earning a six-figure salary, was suddenly laid off (no debt other than a reasonable mortgage, but me in college and two much younger brothers at home). Rather than being out of work indefinitely, he took a job offered to him by a former supervisor who was working for a company in FL at the time (my parents live in NJ). He did this job for a year or so, living in an apt by himself in FL, until something better came along closer to home. My parents are still married, financially comfortable, and are currently making retirement plans.

Do what you need to do for your family...***ALL*** that matters is that you *and* DH are in total agreement about the decision!!!




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 9:20am
Personally, no amount of money would induce me to take my children away from their dad for so long. I would give up my house, my credit rating, declare bankruptcy, and go back to work at night waiting tables in a town I hate before I would choose to let my children go without a father during their formative years, or deprive my husband of the enjoyment of watching the many changes and growth during those years.

I also think that the strain on the marriage would not be worth it. I suppose that some people make it through okay, and I know my dad was on remote tour for most of the first year of my brother's life (it was Vietnam War years), and it's not as uncommon among military families, but I suspect that most marriages suffer an enormous toll. I know that my husband and I have the hardest time getting along after one of us has been gone for a few days. I can't imagine what a couple years would do.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, and if you both feel good about the separation, then *maybe* it's the right thing. But if you have any doubts, my recommendation is to stay together.

Just my two cents.

Heather

Avatar for mquin73
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:42am

Hi zookeeper,


My dh is military also and personally I would not volunteer to spend time away from dh.


signature 2008