New and stressed beyond words
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| Wed, 10-20-2004 - 2:31pm |
I am so glad I found this place, I'm hoping it will be a place I can gain encouragement and give encouragement. :)
I have been in debt since I was 19, I am now 27. At one time my debt was around $25k, and it's bounced up and down settling at $13k where it is now. That does *not* count the taxes I owe which are around $4k because I am on a payment plan with the IRS and if I think about it as much as I do my credit card debt, I may lose my mind.
Several months back I tried "full-disclosure" with my boyfriend, whom I live with. He is 29 years old, owns the condo we live in, and makes twice as much as I do. He has no debt, and I was petrified that he would hate me after finding how much I owe. My amazing boyfriend generously allowed me to live rent free while I paid off my debt. We got a roommate to make up the difference, but in the past three months of living rent free, I have paid off a whopping $600 in my debt. Which lends to the question, where did the $600 I USED to pay in rent go those months?
It's ALWAYS something. The dog got sick, $400 dog bill, my grandma passed away so I had to buy the plane ticket with cash since I cut up my credit cards.
So this leads me to this board. I have been reading articles on "budgeting" and discovered why my "budgeting" didn't work. I allocated nearly ALL my money to bills, and the few extra hundred to living expenses. I revamped everything and did living expenses FIRST and allocated the rest to my bills. This tells me that compared to my old budget, everything paid off by July, it will take me three years. But since the "other" budget was obviously NOT working like I had planned, who knows WHAT would have happened.
These are my problems:
1. I have gained weight because I am always depressed about money.
2. I never go out with my friends because I feel like I can't spend the money.
3. I feel like a loser living "off" my boyfriend who is letting me live rent free.
4. I feel restricted in what I can do with my well off boyfriend who WILL pay for everything since I don't have spending money, but that makes me feel like even more of a loser
5. I dread telling him tonight that my new "plan" means I won't be paid off for three years WITHOUT paying rent, since we are moving cross country next summer which means I will need to start carrying my weight AND buy a car leaving ZILCH to pay ANY of my bills and
6. Should I just TRY to stick to the other dang budget where I would be debt free by spring, but have NO life for the next 8 months??
The saddest thing is that I am getting $1000 inheritance from my Grandma, and my dad wants me to buy something in her memory, but all I can think of is paying off a bill with it.
I am so depressed that I am in this situation, I simply don't see a light at the end of the tunnel...

I just wanted to welcome you to the board and tell you that I understand your situation. I am also 27 and have about the same amount of credit card debt. Its hard to live with, but you have come to the right place. I think you should go with the budget that may take a little longer, but will be better for you in the long run. You are not your debt, you have a life to lead as well. We only live once. I do think you should cut up your cards and stop using them. if you can't use cash,don't buy it. That doesn't mean however that you should restrict all fun from your life! Just do it sensibly. You can do it. Keep in touch with the board and let us know your progress.
kel
Welcome to the boards. We're all here because we're worried about our debt in some way or another. Don't ever feel like you're a loser. I'm sure your BF doesn't want you to think that way, and I'm sure that he's just happy to be able to help while you get back on your feet. My BF makes less than me and doesn't have debt. He also doesn't own his place, or have unexpected medical bills to pay.
As far as your inheritance is concerned I'm sure your grandmother would want to help you out. In her memory, why don't you take $500 and open a CD, or share certificate. This can be a savings account in her memory where the money can't be touched for some time. Then you won't feel like you're just blowing the money on stuff and showing your BF you're saving for the future. With the remainder, take $400 and apply it to debt, say your biggest credit card bill, then the other $100 treat yourself to something you haven't treated yourself to in awhile. That's just my suggestion.
Good luck, keep posting.
Welcome to the board!!!
The others have already given you good suggestions and I'm sure with the new plan you will see things working much better.
I know it is hard to feel like you aren't carrying your weight in the money department in a relationship but since you are living together, I'm assuming it's more of an us relationship than roommates, so if he hadn't wanted to allow you not to pay your rent at that point, he wouldn't have.
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. The day after I posted, I sent my boyfriend a seven page email about how I got into my financial situation and how I need to dig myself out. I let him know that I can either slowly pay off my bills over the next few years, or cut out a LOT and get most knocked out in six months.
Basically, he has said that he wants to support me over the next six months by buying all groceries, and paying for any entertainment, because he knows that once I make a huge dent I will feel better.
We did my budget, together, and came up with the following plan. I can knock out $10k over the next six months leaving me with a $4k credit card, that has 8% interest which I will then transfer to a 0% interest for 9 months and pay off over that time, I will take that part slowly and start doing the things I love again like candle making classes and pilates.
This plan will leave me with roughly $200 a week to live on, even AFTER aggressively paying my bills, AND contributing to savings. That will cover transportation (I take the subway), pet food and supplies, incidentals, and should leave a little left over for an emergency fund.
I'm feeling much more oprimistic and excited for the next six months. I have cut out the following things we were sharing, he is willing to sacrifice them as well since I am not able to pull my weight and I'm not comfortable with him paying for them:
1. Daily dog walking
2. HBO cable package
3. Pilates class (I'm joining a really cheap gym)
4. We will exchange xmas gifts this year that are under $50, our holidays are normally very extravagant
5. With my $1000 inheritance, $500 will go to savings, $300 will pay off a bill, and $200 will go to a ring that I am buying to remember my grandma by
I've also been working out and watching what I eat this week, and feel much more in control of my situation.
Thank you again for the advice, what website were you talking about cl-beckymk?
:)
You sound so much better today. :)
Here is the website http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-beckymk/snowflaking/
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis