Something weird is going on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Something weird is going on...
6
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:12am
How we do our budgeting is that my fiance's income goes towards rent and bills, and mine pays for food, gas and debt repayment.

On Sunday, rent was due, and on that day, Fi, knowing I had a couple of checks to deposit, asked me to put them in the joint account. So I did, and they totalled about $500, bringing our bank balance to $1400. Then on Monday, we put another $2700 into the joint account ($2000 out of my bonds, and $700 out of his). ALL of that money was supposed to go to credit cards - but he only put $1000 onto the VISA, and paid off the Mastercard ($800). The other $900 he used for bills, and just left. I was a bit mad, because I wanted to pay off more of the Visa, but he said that he would put more on it tomorrow, even thought he was always supposed to put more on tomorrow. Well, yesterday I went and put more cheques into the joint account, so that Friday's payment can be bigger, and there was only $300 in the account. By my count, this means that he paid $1000 in bills, plus $1000 in rent. And that's not all the bills - I pay a couple of them. Our bills should be about $350 per month, and shouldn't need any of my income.

So what I am wondering is: has Fi been not paying the bills? This was a problem before, where he didn't have enough money and didn't want to tell me (he isn't really fond of the fact that I work more than him), and so he just put off paying the bills, and then forgot about them. I didn't think he'd repeat the fiasco of last time - but I'm not sure what to do.

What I think I am going to do is cut our allowance down a bit, and take our Christmas fund, deposit it, and see where it goes. If it disappears, it means he really is behind on bills, and doesn't want to tell me, and if it doesn't, then we're all good.

I'd like to talk to FI about this, but the problem is we just start arguing and it is really not productive. I know he's not going shopping or buying junk, so I'll just assume that he'll eventually figure this out and leave it at that, I guess. But I really wish he'd tell me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:47am
What if there were checks outstanding and the $1,400 was high because the checks for previous bills just hadn't cleared yet?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:43am


I know this isn't what you came to the board for, exactly, but I must suggest that this problem be fixed (or as much "fixed" as possible) *before* Fi becomes DH. Money "issues" in a marriage are one of the biggest reasons for marital discord, and, eventually, divorce. If you can't talk about it w/o arguing, there are bigger fish to fry than whether or not the entire amount of money goes to Visa or not. JMO.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:44am
That would make sense, except we don't write checks. And we couldn't have written any checks, because the checkbook has been in drawer at Fi's parents for the last few months.

hmmm...we still have heat and light, so I'm betting it was the phones or the cable. Can't have been insurance because that's automatically deducted and doesn't cost much anyways, but the phone bill is $120/month. So if he missed that for a few months, then it would add up. One thing I forgot about was that we had to fix the car 2 weeks ago, so that costed $480, which explains needing my income for rent, but not the other $1000 that I put into the account.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:00am
I agree with squeegee, you've got bigger problems than where did the money go. There should be a checkbook or something that you can see who was paid, the date, the amount, etc. This is your money too and you should *both* know where it is going and why, without it causing a fight. Don't accuse him of being behind on the bills, ask to set up a system so that you can both see, whenever you feel like looking, what is happening to the money. Or go online and get the bank transactions yourself and reconcile the account and see where it went.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:12am
That's true. Most of my problem with this situation is that in the past, he has procrastinated on paying bills because he didn't have the money (it used to that I paid the rent and food, and he paid gas/hydro/phone), and I would get phone calls from hydro saying that electricity hadn't been paid in x months, and that we have x number of days until it was cut off. So the fact that in my mind, this money just vanished from our account makes me think he was far behind on some bills and just hadn't told me.

What happens is that I get upset, and so when I go to talk to him about stuff like this, I get really critical, and he gets defensive, and then i get mad because I feel like he's making excuses, and then there is a fight. So I want to give him time to fix whatever this is, and then maybe he will just tell me or maybe I will ask. My goal is to not get mad, because if the situation were reversed, I know he wouldn't get mad at me.

Most of our issues aren't actually money issues...neither of us spend money without the other person ageeing, and we have the same basic plan for how we are going to pay off the debt, and save for retirement and any kids we have. It's mostly communication - he doesn't tell me stuff, and then I get mad that he didn't tell me.

We aren't getting married until we've paid off the cc and the student loan. (Basically because there is no other way we can afford a wedding).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:10pm


I agree with the last poster, who said that there really needs to be more transparency here; he needs to be able to tell you the *second* he gets behind. There shouldn't be any surprises like this.



Well, it sounds like you know what you need to do - but I still strongly advise *practicing* on it well before the wedding. Things like this will only get worse afterwards, and ignoring communication issues will never make them go away.



That's the smart thing to do! Just remember not to put the wedding expenses on the cards once you get them paid off... :o) DH and I put all of our wedding on our CC's, and it's going to take us another 3 years at nearly 1k/month to get them paid off (they all already had a balance, but the wedding maxed out each and every one!). And that doesn't include the money we owe my mother for helping us out some. :o)

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