an odd wake up call
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an odd wake up call
| Sun, 12-05-2004 - 8:36am |
ok, some of you know that dh and I are currently in the market for a house. Someone told us about a mobile home park that had some lots open for new manufactured homesand we wanted to check it out and see if maybe that would be the cheaper option for us. (it turned out not to be, but that's not the point I am getting at). We had a real wake up call as we drove through the park. The park was very run down and most of the trailers were half falling down, most had trash all over the front porches and kids were running around with filthy clothes and faces. What really got me was that about 75% of these mobile homes had 2 new cars parked out front!! I mean, brand new cars! There was huge shiny suvs, sports cars and tons of others. Another one had a plasma tv box out front!!! I just couldn't believe it. I am not high and mighty, and I don't feel I am above trailer parks (why else would we go look? and there are some nice parks around here!) but the fact that their houses were falling down, and their kids were filthy but yet they have new cars and plasma tv just really got to me. have any of you seen this?

I had to laugh about the kids....I'm assuming you went and checked it out today (a weekend) - You don't even want to know the type of clothes my kids wear running around the neighborhood on a weekend/after school type of thing but at least when they go to school (well except the poor preschooler, he always goes to school in pants that have holes in the knees but that's because they specifically ask us to use play clothes as opposed "good" clothes!!!
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
LOL I know exactly what you mean! For me, it's the trampoline in the back yard. Seems like every poor, run-down neighborhood has a disproportionate number of trampolines in the backyards--and above-ground pools. Now, trampolines and above-ground pools are FUN, but seems like a safe, sound, clean home and healthy kids are a little more important.
I used to live in a very cheap basement apartment in a very run-down part of town. I was a grad student, and I slept on the couch I bought for $5 at Goodwill because I didn't have a bed, and the floors were damp from seep. I bought a stand for $1 at Goodwill to keep my books up off the (damp) floor. I ate ramen for dinner every night (occasionally I splurged on hamburger to dress it up). I drove a banged-up beater. I ran up some student debt, but mostly I paid for stuff myself.
The lady in the apartment above mine was on welfare and food stamps (very useful programs for those in need, and this is not a criticism of either, so please don't be offended! lol). She ate steaks for dinner when her boyfriend was cooking, and tv dinners when he wasn't. I had to repeatedly ask her to turn down the volume on her enormous wide-screen television tuned to premium cable channels. But she kept having to come down to my apartment to use the phone because hers had been disconnected, and her kids were always filthy (mine are dirty a lot of the time, but it's dirt from playing hard, not dirt from never being washed--hers were just never washed). She borrowed money to do her laundry and then I ended up doing it for her because she needed a ride and had left her carseats somewhere and I wasn't willing to drive with kids in the car and no carseats (and it was easily the nastiest laundry I have ever had the misfortune to handle). It just amazed me that through all that, she still managed to keep her cable connected and her big-screen tv paid up enough not to be repoed. Needless to say, there was some resentment as well, and I actually ended up telling her not to come down and use my phone any more after she spent twenty minutes on my phone cussing her mom out, and then asking her to loan her $1000.
Anyway, some people have pretty messed up priorities. I'm not saying mine are always perfect, but it upsets me when people put things like cars, televisions, and steak dinners over the health and well-being of their children.
Just my little rant. :)
Heather
Hi! I had a wake up call of sorts this morning....A relative called me up early (waking me out of a lovely sleep) because she wanted to tell me that her husband was thinking of calling me to ask for money because they couldn't afford to pay an important bill by the end of the month. He wants over $700! They haven't done anything to earn an extra paycheck or tried to sell anything.....The priorities at their house are entertainment and buying collectibles, so they never save. I appreciated the warning as she knows I am going to say no.....Don't I have enough of my own bills to pay besides needing to catch up after being unemployed for such a long time? I used to help them out(dumb me), but then I became unemployed and couldn't afford to help. They SURVIVED without my help, and I realized I wasn't really helping them anyway because their situation didn't get better when I was helping, so I'm not helping anymore. Actually, I think I am helping MORE by not giving them money, just by listening and being nice in non-material ways.
I really am sick of getting waked on Sunday mornings with bad news...I haven't had a peaceful Sunday morning for weeks. Everyone calls then with bad news. Well, there is my wake up call story.
Littlesbigs
I know what you mean about it not really helping them to "help" them. It's like an addiction--most addicts have one or more people in their lives that professionals call "enablers." These are people who think they are "helping" by picking the person up and offering them food, shelter, a shoulder to cry on, each time they hit bottom. But instead of helping, all it does is enable them to get back up and go back to the negative behaviors, knowing that there will always be someone to pick them back up again.
We actually had to make some really hard decisions in regard to not "helping" someone with finances this past year. Basically, a couple who had been making literally three times our income (and who also, it happens, had access to a fairly hefty trust fund, not to mention a bonus check that year that was more than our entire salary) hit some hard times medically, and chose some very expensive alternative treatments. Although they were still living in a five-bedroom house in a very expensive location, with two cell phones, a nanny, a housekeeper, and two very expensive vehicles, they began asking friends to help them financially with the medical bills. I wanted to say yes, and felt like a heel for saying no, because they really did have expensive medical bills and insurance was only covering a portion. And the story ended tragically with her death. But I felt that as long as they were refusing to help themselves financially by living a less extravagant lifestyle, it was not my place to help them with their expenses.
Still, it was a hard call to make, especially as I watched other friends, some of whom make less money than we do, contribute to the "fund." But, also, I felt it was not doing them any favors to support financial irresponsibility. Instead, I sent pictures and care packages with thoughtful little hand-made things, and said prayers, and helped in whatever little ways I could.
Anyway, that's my story about having to tell a loved one no to money. It's not easy, but I truly believe it's the best thing, when they aren't doing anything to help themselves.
On the other hand, as many of you know, I am not opposed to family (or even friends) helping when there is a true need and the receiver is doing something to help themselves. We received a very generous loan from my dad while dh was out of work several years ago (we're still paying on that loan), and my (wealthy) aunt recently gave us a car when one of ours became unuseable. So I am not going to poo-poo favors and gifts. But there is a time and a place for everything.
Heather
Yes yes yes - I have seen this MANY times in our area!
I have seen this many times over. It reminds me of the commercial with the guy on his riding lawn mower talking about his great house, his great car, all of his "stuff" and he says how do I do it, I am up to my eyeballs in debt.
I know Dave Ramsey has addressed this issue more than once.
My DH was talking to my MIL about how we had looked at getting an SUV because we are having a third child and his car won't fit 3 car seats and my MIL suggested buying used because new was so expensive. My DH said "Mom it isn't that we can't afford an new SUV, it's that I have a problem paying more for a car than I did for my first house." It seems like a lot of people don't see life that way, and I wonder what lessons are we teaching our children.
Kellie