Would you feel guilty???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you feel guilty???
9
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 7:15pm
I received a generous check (1000) from my great aunt, actually her POA wrote it out to me, for Christmas. Me and my siblings are what is left of her family, for the most part. Anyhow, my sibs did not get the same treatment, apparently, because no one else calls or visits. When my Mom was still alive, things were pretty much divided evenly, but this is something the POA and my aunt wanted to do for us (he keeps us up to date on her health, etc, makes the arrangements when we come to visit, is a very good friend of my aunt) I am extremely grateful, and will probably even spend the money on plane tickets to go and visit, but I still feel funny. Am I crazy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 8:26pm
Just keep it to yourself so they don't feel bad about it, and don't feel guilty. I think it's great if you use some of the money to visit her. What is a POA?

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Avatar for mrslove2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 8:53pm

I don't think you are crazy at all. Sometime different money situations can make us feel crazy because it's not something we have experienced before. To answer your title question "Would you feel guilty" my response is NO. To me, I would accept the blessing and move on. I would not worry about what my siblings did or didn't recieve. (I have an older sister that "tallys" everything~used to drive me insane but now I don't worry about it, she is who she is and I am who I am)
Right now, we have an uncle who is mid 80s and his wife of 58yrs is in the nursing home. We take him there a couple of times of week to visit her, help him with his shopping and banking and he insists on "paying" us. We do it because we love him, he is family and we want to help, we don't do it for money. However, he doesn't have any children of his own nor any other family near by so if we didn't help out he would have to "hire" someone so why not pay us for helping him? He has asked us to sell all of their belongings and split the money. At first we were a little uncomfortable however, if he hired strangers to do this for him, he wouldn't get half of the profits.
One of my favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". Live your life the best you can and count your blessings and don't worry about others.

Take care,
Susan

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Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 9:24pm

No, I would not feel guilty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-1999
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 6:56am
I do not feel that you have anything to feel guilty about. It is your great aunt's money and she is doing as she wishes with it. I also think that it is nobody's business that you are receiving something from her. She is probably sending you the gifts because of your relationship with her.It could actually make her uncomfortable to know that your sibs know about the money. While she may not feel she wants to send them anything, she may very well not want to hurt their feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 7:36am
I would not feel guilty..it is her money and she is spending it the way she wants to and that means some of it going to you. I have had the same situation with my mom and my sister....however, my mom holds it over my head quite a bit so in that aspect it was not worth getting more money than my sister. Even though my sister doesn't need it and I remember quite a few times my mom had gone to her rescue when I was still in highschol...anyway, this is not about me and i think you should be happy and grateful that someone loves you so much. And she abviuosly feels all your loive as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 8:01am
If I am correct, POA=Power of Attorney.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 8:04am
I don't feel you have anything to feel guilty over. It is your great aunts money, and she could spend it as she chooses. I do feel that it would be a wonderful idea for you to use some of that money to visit with her. Spending time with family is priceless, and apparently she recognizes the fact that you care for and love her enough to call and talk to her.

 

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 9:29am

You're not crazy - I think your feelings sound normal. However, the money is a gift, so enjoy it!

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:29am

I feel better today about the whole situation. Certainly, i wouldn't tell my siblings, I wouldn't want them to feel bad. After my Mom passed away, my aunt actually called and asked me if I would mind if she rewrote her will leaving money to the three of us in an equal amount, because I am the one she is close with. I told her that that was a silly thing to ask me, because I hope that she is around for a very long time, and I'm not worried about her money. SHEESH! She said she didn't want to cause hard feelings among us, I said definitely divide it evenly, I'm not worried about what you do with your money! And I'm not. I will be very devastated when she passes away (she is 95, so we tell her she has to be a centurian), my Mom was so much like her. I am going to visit in March (my dh and I were planning to anyhow), but if I can get MLK weekend off, I will fly down for the weekend, too. Last time I was down, her POA (power of attorney) picked me up at the airport and I was able to walk back and forth from the hotel to the senior community. I didn't even rent a car, and it was the most enjoyable, relaxing vacation I ever had. Of course, my aunt could only put up with us (I took my 7yo) for an hour or two at a time, so we would walk to the beach, come back a little later.

I put the money in the bank and told dh we can't touch it (which is hard because we only have $15 until tomorrow), I'm not going to use it to pay bills with. I don't want that money to be the reason dh and i start buying things we don't really need until the money is gone. I'm ok with it being an emergency fund, or vacation fund, however. So for now, it is just sitting in the bank. : )